Games | Weekly Game Releases | Week of January 15th, 2008: We're still in that crappy post-Christmas lull. So go back to playing Bioshock or Rock Band.

List compiled by reibeatall and Sarcasmorator | Posted January 14th, 2008

Game of the week | Nothing at all

We can't in good conscience actually recommend anything coming out this week. So save your money. You'll need it in a few weeks, honest. (Hint: Burnout Paradise)

Also appearing in stores

Furu Furu Park
Sigh, another mini-game collection for the Wii. And of course it's going to sell out the yin-yang, because 1) it's a mini-game collection for the Wii, and 2) it's value-priced at twenty wing-wangs. Hooray for the betterment of our favorite hobby, right?

Samurai Warriors: Katana
Even as a fan of the Warriors series, I can't really recommend you get this game. Without having a copy, or the money with which to play it, or even a professional review/preview open in another Firefox tab, I can still safely say that if you get only one sword-swinging enemy-killing game for the Wii in the next few months, this one should not be it. That honor should go to Dragon Quest Swords. 'Cause, you know, those slimes are so kee-yewt.

You thought Contra 4 was badass? This game is even baddass-ier! NitroBike has bikes! And nitro! And it looks like flames! YEAHHHHHHH! Just check out this awesome screenshot! It looks like the badassiest game ever! BOOM!

Miami Nights: Singles in the City
We can't make this crap up. The product description from Amazon:

You've just arrived in Miami, the first month of rent for your tiny apartment is due, and the landlord isn't too happy. First, you will need a job. Burger flipping? Pick-pocketing? Seduce someone else to do the work for you? It's your choice! Once you've paid the landlord, it's time to have fun, but don't forget that your true goal is to become rich and famous! With the right move, you will be one step away from becoming a top model, pop star, or movie star- an icon of the jet-set crowd, splashed across the covers of the hottest magazines in the world. Over 30 different locations in Miami to keep you busy across streets, beaches and clubs! Day and night cycle, giving different atmospheres to the game. Lots of mini-games including cooking, dating and dancing featuring the use of the DS stylus. Multi-player features - share your character with your friends via Wi-Fi.

We're all for diversifying gaming away from murder sims, but seriously.

Talk about how crappy these games are!