Games | Weekly Game Releases | Week of Sept. 25, 2007: Halo Halo Halo HaloHalohalohalo oh hey guess what? Halo's out.


List compiled by reibeatall and Sarcasmorator | Posted September 25, 20XX


Game of the week | Halo 3


It's Halo 3. HALO 3. You probably already have it. But if you've somehow managed to resist Microsoft's marketing enough to skip out on the midnight launches, you should at least know that it ties up the storyline started in the previous two games and brings in loads of new weapons and multiplayer modes to play around with. It also introduces Forge, where you can alter nearly every nonpermanent aspect of every multiplayer map, with friends, then swap your creations online. Anyone up for some rocket baseball? Or some four-player online co-op? Marketing aside, anyone who doesn't completely hate console shooters or just the Halo franchise should find something to like about this game.


Also appearing in stores


Blazing Angels 2
The first Blazing Angels was decent enough despite its unfortunate tendency toward offensively overblown accents for your German and Japanese foes. Expect more fast-paced dogfighting action, and hopefully fewer stereotyped flavor lines. Still holding out for another Crimson Skies wait, FASA Studio has WHAT!? Neeeever mind.


Cabela's Trophy Bucks
Don't feel like shooting down hordes of well-armed Covenant and Flood? How about some defenseless deer, then? Does that make you feel like a real man, Mr. Shooty? Looks like your neck isn't the only thing that's red. Your hands are, too. With the innocent blood of Bambi's mom.


Jackass the Game
Make a jackass out of yourself without the need for that pesky Halo 3 online matchmaking! It's hard to imagine how they would turn Jackass into a game, so we're going with the assumption that it's not actually a game but a personality test. If you buy this, you're a jackass.


CSI: Hard Evidence
The fifth CSI game has you taking the role of the TV show's characters, working to gather hard evidence, looking at bedsheets with a blacklight and stuffing it all into little bags. You provide your own witty quips.


Juiced 2
Get charged (but never crank it) in Midway's racer, late to the party on PS3. Can the underground racing fad be over with yet? Please?


Race Driver: Create & Race
A portable extension of the TOCA Race Driver series, Create & Race adds something you'd never expect from the title: A level editor. The actual racing isn't bad for a DS game, but being able to create your own tracks and have the AI drive the way it should on a custom map is pretty cool. We heartily approve of this trend of in-game level editors and heartily beseech our game-developing masters to give us more.


Dance Dance Revolution: Hottest Party
It's DDR, but with some tacked-on waggle. Not a lot of waggle, just a bit here and there. Aside from the aforementioned waggle, there's nothing new here. That means you can expect this game to sell bajillions simply because of its target audience.


Animal Genius
An edutainment game published by Scholastic (yes, the same ones that publish Clifford the Big Red Dog), Animal Genius focuses on having the player complete five mini-games while learning about animals. No, it's not great, but it's gotta be better than Donkey Kong Jr. Math.


Soul Nomad
Another Disgaea-style SRPG from Nippon Ichi Software, building upon the RPG classic's foundation with increasingly arcane gameplay systems for you obsessive-compulsive types. This time, your main character gets possessed by something -- something 'evil -- and will often tempt you into doing bad things. If you succumb to temptation, you'll grow powerful (like, "over NINE THOUSAND (levels)''" powerful), but you'll also be stuck with a bad ending.


Dragon Blade: Wrath of Fire
Sources on the internet inform me that this game takes God of War?, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess and an original story by Richard A. Knaak (a Dragonlance author), throws them all in a blender, adds a pinch of kid-friendly rating, and places it on the Wii. It sounds like it could be a success smoothie, but it could also be one of those gross protein shakes.


Everything Else


  • If Angelina Jolie's lips infected a bunch of big-headed cartoon characters, they might look like the Bratz. AVOID.
  • The PC game CSI: 3 Dimensions of Murder might be more than a year old but now it's, uh, out for PS2. Yay?
  • Love DDR? Still have just a PlayStation 2? This is your lucky week!
  • Same skate. as the skate. previously featured here, but on ps3. this time.

Weekly WTF? | World Series of Poker: Battle for the Bracelets


This one gets our weekly WTF award based entirely on its title. Battle for the Bracelets? It sounds like a stable of Marvel and Capcom fighters should be slinging cards with a title like that. Or maybe the Bratz. OHMIGOD your bracelet is to die for.

And that about wraps it up for this week. Tune in next week when we have way more games coming out than anybody needs. Again.


Talk about how crappy these games are!