Hey baby, how’s it going? Oh yeah? Good, good. Me, I’m good, too. I’ve been working on stuff all week and it seems that most of it has gone online within the past 24 hours or so. I feel like I should remark on these things as I link to them for you! But then again, I just stopped in for a sushi dinner at a place I used to frequent and apparently the waitress was so glad to see me back she decided to drown me with free sake. So, you know, my judgment is suspect at the moment. But let’s go ahead with this anyway.
First of all, we jumbled two weeks’ worth of Retronauts into a single podcast. This makes more sense than you might think, because both weeks were about E3. Though each week was very different in tone and substance than the other. Sounds quality’s pretty different, too. It’s easily one of the most laid-back and casual episodes we’ve ever recorded, so that’s something. I guess.
Second, I’ve reviewed Ocarina of Time 3D. Let me stress that: I’ve reviewed Ocarina of Time 3D. This is not a review of the original game, but rather of the remake. I don’t have to read the comments under the review (and since I don’t want to hate the Internet, I never will) to know that this review made a lot of people angry for terribly insubstantial and frankly incorrect reasons. So it goes. It doesn’t help that Metacritic is, as usual, completely misrepresenting my score and changing the authorial intent of the review by forcing 1UP’s scale into some rubric that we’ve never intended, but that’s par for the course, and it’s the industry’s own fault that this happens; they’re the ones who decided to treat Metacritic as the definitive voice of authority. Anyway, Ocarina of Time is a great game, but this remake — and yeah, it’s a remake rather than a port when the graphics and animation are completely updated — didn’t quite hit the mark for me. I debated for quite a while whether to give it a B+ or an A-, but then I realized that I was only considering the higher score because it seems unthinkable to give anything concerning Ocarina of Time anything lower, not because I really feel the remake stacks up to that rating. Of course, I only added a score because we’re obligated to. Ignore it and just read the damn text, OK?
I’ve also previewed the new Tomb Raider game, and I’m sad about that. Specifically, I’m sad because this preview is going to be read by far fewer people than the Ocarina review, and that’s a damn shame, because this preview is easily one of the best things I’ve ever written for 1UP. I’m rarely proud of my work, but this is pretty much my platonic ideal of what a game preview — or any kind of critique, really — ought to be. I wish everything I write could be this good. But it’s probably just as well that it’s not, because this isn’t the sort of game writing the world at large wants to read, and we’d probably go out of business if this was all we published. Now, cosplay galleries of Lara Croft — those pay the bills. But thoughtful analyses of the social and cultural challenges that exist for a reinvention of Lara Croft? Yeah, we’d probably get better traffic if I flung balloons full of cat urine in people’s faces whenever they clicked a link.
Anyway, it looks like sake makes me kind of ranty, so I think maybe I should shut up now. Yup.