Gentle humans, avert your eyes from this grim spectacle: A trio of GameSpite Quarterly 7 articles dredged from the darkest realms known to our species. By which I mean three bios that all begin with the letters “d-a-r-k.” That spells “dark,” you know. And that is the nature of these characters. Also, it is their names.
- Dark Force: Sometimes called Dark Falz. Also sometimes called Dark Phallus, but man, I don’t even want to know about that. (Written by Jake Alley)
- Dark Link: Sometimes called Shadow Link. This guy was, like, a total butthead in Zelda II. (Written by Jeremy Signor)
- Dark Queen: I don’t think she has an alias. However, I would like to put forth the theory that her given name is Jennifer. (Written by some doofus)