Walkin’ peacefully

So, I’m working on a review of Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker this weekend (sorry, Bob!). I’ve gotten over my disappointment that the game isn’t a tie in with Nintendo’s pedometer and Vitality Sensor that centers around going for quiet walks in the park and am willing to face Kojima’s latest on its own terms. At the one-hour mark, I’m kind of impressed by some of the little details, at least; for example, Master Miller’s English voice actor sounds a lot like Cam Clarke/Jimmy Flinders, which (in hindsight) helps to sell a plot twist in a 12-year-old game. Totally an unnecessary detail, but one that’s appreciated.

Anyway, before I get too far into the story and risk crossing the threshold at which you have to assume anything I write is a spoiler, I’m going to make a prediction for this game’s big plot twist. My theory: The game’s uncomfortably underaged jailbait mascot character Paz — her name isn’t actually Spanish for “peace,” it’s short for “Pazuzu.” In the end, she’ll reveal that she’s secretly a demon before devouring Big Boss’s soul, turning him into a slave of evil and finally rationalizing his (retroactively) uncharacteristic turn as a cackling, mustache-twirling villain in the first two Metal Gear games.

This will also mean that the Monster Hunter connections and other product placement details present in the Japanese edition of the game have been replaced by a Futurama crossover.

Best game ever.

20 thoughts on “Walkin’ peacefully”

  1. Seriously. What is it with the Japanese and jailbait anyways? I’d like to know, because it confuses me.

  2. Don’t worry, I’m sure Big Boss’s personality change will be explained (or retconned) in the inevitable remake of the first two Metal Gear games.

  3. The blonde semi-anime schoolgirl made me shudder involuntarily.

    Something about her is just… wrong.

  4. It’s either those soulless eyes, eyes that have seen unspeakable depravities or the skin gleaming as only skin exposed to massive amounts of semen can do.

  5. “Seriously. What is it with the Japanese and jailbait anyways? I’d like to know, because it confuses me.”
    Lord knows, America wasn’t unhealthily and uncomfortably obsessed with Brittney Spears before she turned 18.

  7. The moment I saw that picture I thought, “uncanny valley.” I still do.

  8. Apparently Paz has like 3-4 times as many polygons as any other character in the game. Someone was trying waaaaay too hard.

    Also the first time you meet her you can stare at her underwear with x-ray vision.

  9. Yeah. And you guys should see the OST for the game with Paz on the cover. Sick bastards.

    Anyway! I hope the game isn’t a huge letdown like Portable Ops was. I never had a problem with the controls in the MGS series aside from PO. Buying it regardless.

  10. “Anyway! I hope the game isn’t a huge letdown like Portable Ops was. I never had a problem with the controls in the MGS series aside from PO.”

    Don’t worry, in that regard it’s more than fine. You could try the demo though if you want to be absolutely sure, but it copies other PSP games in that you control the camera with the face buttons rather than the D-Pad, so it plays like a streamlined version of MGS4 rather than being a mess completely.

  11. About the jailbait : hey, it’s Kojima. Some people here should play Snatchers or Policenauts again.

  13. “About the jailbait : hey, it’s Kojima. Some people here should play Snatchers or Policenauts again.”

    I’m going to have to examine your towel, please.

  14. Pazuzu!!!!!!

    I would totally pay full price for a game starring the Professor where you drove slowly around space with the blinker on searching for his lost demonic gargoyle.

    Unlock bonus content by collecting expired pudding coupons!

  15. “I would totally pay full price for a game starring the Professor where you drove slowly around space with the blinker on searching for his lost demonic gargoyle.”

    Damn, so would I.

  16. You know, he’s got the hardware experience with Boktai, and it was brilliant. Something with the vitalty sensor and a pedometer would be pretty cool, and would be enough to get me to try a MGS game again.

  17. “Good news everyone”

    I can’t wait to get my hand on MPW and my eyes on Futurama soon.

  18. I once read that the japanese obsession with jailbait has to do with a biological thing about having better offspring or something like that, I dunno. I’m not saying it’s okay, but at least it has a logical explanation… in comparison, the thing I just can’t understand is america’s infatuation with muscle-bound, angry characters. Oh well, different cultures, I guess?

  19. “I once read that the japanese obsession with jailbait has to do with a biological thing about having better offspring or something like that, I dunno. I’m not saying it’s okay, but at least it has a logical explanation… in comparison, the thing I just can’t understand is america’s infatuation with muscle-bound, angry characters. Oh well, different cultures, I guess?”

    So you can wrap your mind around the idea of child pornography under a different name but not muscle bound, strong, adult characters?

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