I’m pretty sure I’ve used the joke “Samus it ever was” before, but do you know what? I don’t care. It’s just that good.
I’m sorry to say that this update includes my very worst entry of all from GameSpite Quarterly 3, the piece on Shadax. I probably should have just cut it, because it’s not good and it doesn’t actually make sense. To even begin to understand it, you have to be familiar with the image above, wherein Shadax resembled a buffed-up rock ‘n roll roadie. I went from there, but sadly it was all downhill. Anyway, everyone else picked up my slack, so it’s all good.
- Samus Aran: I can’t wait until Metroid: Other M crams needless backstory about this character down our throats through protracted unskippable cutscenes! Since they’re by Team Ninja, they’re bound to be extremely coherent and well-written, of course.
- Scrooge McDuck: Man, you know what would be amazing? A Duck Tales HD remake by Capcom with artwork drawn in the Carl Barks style. Did you feel that? That was you experiencing a chill down your spine.
- Secret Agent: Yeah, I got no sarcastic remark about this one. Just read it, I guess.
- Shadax: You can safely skip this one!