WiiWare has officially taken XBLA’s place as the clearing house for DLC crap — not that everything to appear on Microsoft’s service is cast in gold these days, either. Honestly, who buys some of this stuff? It’s garbage, worthy only of scorn. So scorn it shall receive! The very scorn I once reserved for Sony’s policy of releasing DLC on the PlayStation Network at a drunken, lame snail’s pace. I’m sorry, Sony. I realize now that there’s something to be said for quality control.
[[image:jh_081209_dlc01.jpg::left:0]]WiiWare: Bruiser & Scratch
Steel Penny Games | Wii | Puzzle
Between the crappy-sounding title and the crappy-looking screenshots, I can’t muster any interest in this puzzle game whatsoever. Who knows — maybe it’s a diamond in the rough when it comes to gameplay, but without a dang demo, who can tell? Dear Nintendo: Get with the program.
[[image:jh_081209_dlc02.jpg::left:0]]WiiWare: Hockey All-Star Shootout
Big Blue Bubble | Wii | Get it by the goalie
Those misleading WiiWare titles strike again: Here you will find no all-out gun battles between Wayne Gretzky and, uh, whoever else is a big hockey star. Nope, just a series of shots against a variety of goalies. It’s like hockey, but without all that pesky hockey!
[[image:jh_081209_dlc03.jpg::left:0]]VC: Sonic the Hedgehog 2
Sega | Wii via Master System | 8-bit blast processing!
It’s Sonic … the second one. Which is different from the second one on Genesis, but still similar enough that you should definitely know what you’re getting. You don’t really need me to tell you anything else about it, right?
[[image:jh_081209_dlc04.jpg::left:0]]XBLA: Meteos Wars
Q Entertainment | Xbox 360 | Asteroid-Launching Puzzle Action
I’m not sure how exactly Meteos’ asteroid-launching puzzle action will play without the ability to wildly scrabble at a touch screen with my stylus, but hey. Lumines, Every Extend Extra and Rez all worked pretty dang well on the Xbox 360…even if Lumines’ pricing structure was a filthy scam.
[[image:jh_081209_dlc05.jpg::left:0]]XBLA: PowerUp Forever
Namco Bandai | Xbox 360 | Two-stick shooter
Destroy your enemies and absorb their power in this shooter, then take on even larger foes as you grow in size. It sounds sort of like flOw or the first stage of Spore, but done as a proper action game.
[[image:jh_081209_dlc06.jpg::left:0]]PSN: Soldner-X: Himmelsstürmer
eastasiasoft | PS3 | Shooter
This one looks like a typical modern scrolling shoot-em-up — lots of enemies and bullets, power-ups and explosions. Hard to tell more without playing it — gonna beat that demo drum again on this one. How about it, Sony? Otherwise, the only notable thing about it is that it was originally designed as a PC title for import retailer Play Asia, apparently. So, uh, yep.