I need help

I try to be (somewhat) objective towards most games. Given predispositions and whatnot, it can be hard at times, but even games that are designed to be completely unappealing to me (like, say, Gears of War) have won me over in the past, which is why the proliferation of demos on Xbox Live and PSN has been great. If nothing else, I can feel slightly more justified in my snap judgements because, hey, I gave it a fair shot, right?

Long story short, a certain demo dropped on Xbox Live recently, and it’s the first time I’ve honestly, seriously been physically unable to choke back the bile and give a game a fair chance.

[[image: ar_103108_banjo_01.jpg:Note the dead, soulless eyes.:center:0]]
Yes, Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts is almost upon us. I have zero interest in it, and I wouldn’t have even considered playing it if a friend hadn’t downloaded it on my system. Regardless of the circumstances, though, I was unable to see it as anything but what I’d decided it would be long ago.

The original Banjo-Kazooie, alongside Donkey Kong 64, utterly destroyed my interest in platformers, a genre I had adored up to that point. I fully blame my never getting around to picking up Klonoa on Banjo. It wasn’t until Super Mario Sunshine that I even gave platformers a second chance, and to this day, I’m still wary of them.

I can rationally tell myself Banjo-Kazooie was the worst of the bunch, but it doesn’t matter. I thought I’d made some progress (Super Mario Galaxy was a given, but even new properties like LittleBigPlanet didn’t scare me off), but then that demo booted up and I instantly lost it. What most people found to be nice graphics, I thought were garish and hideous. I assumed from the get-go that the vehicles meant (a) you’d be collecting more crap to pay for parts, which then transform into (b) just another way to collect said crap (turns out, I was right on both counts). I couldn’t give the humor a chance, instead choosing to talk over all the dialogue with my own assortment of curse words and speeches about how the dialogue probably sucked, topping it off with my patented impression of Kazooie’s walking sound (you know what I’m talking about). I made fun of his jump, simply because I could.

Considering I had just rolled out of bed, I surprised even myself with the amount of energy I put into berating the game. Banjo-Kazooie may not have been great, but it really isn’t healthy to harbor this much hatred for a video game. Honestly, the complete and utter inability to even ignore the game scares me a little bit.

…I should probably see a therapist about this. I think people with legitimate trauma in their lives are less angry than I am.

19 thoughts on “I need help

  1. My only point of argument would be that Banji Tooie is worse. You’re still in the right ballpark.

    I think that platformers in general are still sharp, but I won’t give Rare any more chances. Ignore it, especially since Rare (and the franchise) still have enough nostalgia induced clout to inflate reviews, unless it runs poorly or is bug ridden.

  2. Whoah, easy boy. Time out.

    I hate Banjo as much as the next guy, but you passed up on Klonoa? When that finds its way over to American Wiis, it your duty as a gamer to give it a chance. You’ll be glad you did.

  3. There’s no law saying you have to play a video game, and if you don’t like Banjo-Kazooie, you can just skip this release. I don’t see a problem with that, unless you’re reviewing it for a web site or something.

  4. I don’t think you have a problem at all. Rare’s used up their good will, and they really don’t deserve a fair chance. They’re a lot like Midway and Atari in that respect.

  5. I still have my pre-order bonus Mumbo-Jumbo plush doll. Am I alone in my love for the franchise?

  6. I’m rather baffled that Rare is still making things like this. Back when Conker’s Bad Fur Day came out, I thought that was a nice solid piece of evidence that they realized they had a bad formula going. No collection element at all, just a semi-linear series of puzzle platformer levels and some highly varied gameplay towards the end. Of course, on the other hand, I don’t recall it being much of a success for them.

  7. Don’t worry, I feel your pain, except that I’ve pretty much always hated 3D platformers. Not even Mario 64.

  8. Wow, such digust.

    Once again, I find myself not in-tune with the general consensus. I’ll spare a lecture (about treasure-seeking being a necessity and a joy in many other games, why not in platformers?) but I loved Banjo-Kazooie, had a fun time with Banjo-Tooie, and fully intend to pick up Nuts and Bolts.

    Let the collectathon commence.

  9. I was going to ignore this completely, but now you’re making me want to download the demo just so I can see how terrible it is. Rare killed the collect-a-thon.

  10. I support your decision to vomit whole heartedly! I don’t even understand how anyone likes ANY games made by RARE… I never understood… am I missing something? Also, Klonoa rocks… and I agree with Kayma on picking it up for the Wii if it hits the U.S. UNLESS Namco changes his ears… then I’d boycott…

  11. I don’t even understand how anyone likes ANY games made by RARE… I never understood… am I missing something?

    Yes, Goldeneye. Its a shame its pretty dated these days, though.

  12. Hm, and here I was thinking that Rare was kind of on a roll lately. PDZ wasn’t much to talk about, but everything else they’ve released on 360 has been worth playing, even if the market continues to be confused about just what those products are and who they’re for (hint, they’re for me).

  13. I liked Banjo-Kazooie, and loved Banjo-Tooie. Banjo-Tooie greatly refined the gameplay of the first one, and cut down on the collecting, and other annoying parts of the first one.

Comments are closed.