Junk food, eject; operation: gustatory delight

You know, I’m not really an uncultured philistine; when I’m abroad I do like to take in actual cultural experiences. But at the moment, I’m way out in Chiba, which is basically Tokyo’s New Jersey. There ain’t much going out this way. So, rather than try to eke genuine Japanese heritage from countless square kilometers of warehouses and convention hotels, I must instead content myself to drink in the local cuisine. (Er, so to speak.) And by cuisine I mean “convenience food.” So the report continues:

Japanese soft drinks are famous for their collectable “bottle toppers,” which are little plastic toys they snap and seal over the lids to encourage you to buy lots and lots of said beverage. Common enough on the likes of Pepsi, but I was intrigued to see it’s spread to coffee as well. And with Transformers, no less! Not that I care about Transformers, but it was a recognizable brand in this cold and distasteful world of anime panty-shots. So I bought some Boss Coffee Rainbow Blend. Not really sure what the “rainbow” bit is about, but it was pretty good — a lot less sweet than most Japanese canned coffees. And it came with a Soundwave figurine. So, I guess this job’s a success!

Less successful: “Muscat of Alexandria” Kit-Kat. The name seemed basically to be a fancy way of saying “grape,” which struck me as a terrible mix of flavors for Kit-Kat. But my faith in the brand led me to take a chance.

Said faith, sadly, was not rewarded. “Muscat of Alexandria” is actually a fancy way of saying “seriously gross, dude.” It’s basically a white chocolate Kit-Kat (strike one) whose chocolate has been infused with the worst kind of chemical grape. It made those cheap off-brand grape sodas I used to drink as a kid seem authentic; it made grape Kool-Aid taste like a fine French vintage. It was Not Good. Recommendation: avoid unless forced to eat at gunpoint.

And finally, a pair of Mega Man E-Tank energy drinks. I haven’t brought myself to consume these just yet, because (1) they were hard to come by; (2) I want to keep one as a collector’s item if possible; and (3) if it’s anything like other limited-edition branded energy drinks, it’s not really intended for human consumption.

(Robot consumption, maybe, but not for humans.)

17 thoughts on “Junk food, eject; operation: gustatory delight

  1. I always thought it was interesting how the Japanese felt inclined to differentiate between muscat and grape flavors. It’s an important distinction apparently.

  2. Muscat is a type of wine grape. The muscat wines I’ve experienced have all been very sweet dessert wines. I have no idea where the “of Alexandria” part comes in.

    They be gettin’ all upscale and fancy type I suppose. Though doing it with white chocolate makes it seem like they’re going for image over actual, you know, flavor quality.

  3. Why you always hatin’ on white chocolate? It has its merits…just not mixed with grape.

    Is Tommy Lee Jones still the face of Boss Coffee? He was while I was over there, and now whenever I see him that’s all I can think…his cragly face on half the vending machines in Japan.

  4. Most people don’t know this, but white chocolate is not real chocolate. It uses cocoa butter, yes, but not any of the actual cocoa elements that make real chocolate.

  5. Weird, I just started playing Yakuza 2 today, and Kazuma and the Daigo kid are sitting in a bullet train early in the game drinking that same Boss Rainbow Coffee!

  6. way out in Chiba, which is basically Tokyo’s New Jersey
    Hmmm… does this mean that somewhere in chiba there’s something like New Brunswick’s grease trucks?

    I know, I knw, jonesing for grease truck sandwiches is like Rincewind pining for C.M.O.T. Dibbler’s “sausage” in a bun, bt still… that “teriyaki burger” has to make a “Fat Koko” seem btter by comparison!

  7. awsome! i wish the u.s. had some g.i. joes on my soda pops! rainbow coffee should have had captain rainbow figures on the tops!

  8. One day you are going to be out of energy, and you’ll shatter the glass case that protects your E-tanks and consume them greedily.

  9. “Most people don’t know this, but white chocolate is not real chocolate. It uses cocoa butter, yes, but not any of the actual cocoa elements that make real chocolate.” Which is good for people who are allergic to said elements.

    Hmm… I wonder if what ReyVGM said is something that should be covered by Robot Chicken’s A-hole Laws?

  10. Bah forget the E-Tanks give me beverages with Soundwave on them anyday… Now I really got to make Japan my honeymoon location

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