Victory lap

So I guess my girlfriend is upset that I’ve decided to adopt without consulting her first. Man, some people! I thought she’d be happy have a prodigy in the house. Especially one past the teething-and-diapers stage of life.

In happier news, I’ve finally managed to set up that elliptical machine I ordered a month ago. It arrived the day before I left for Japan, actually, but the geniuses at Schwinn neglected to make sure they included all the necessary bolts and washers in the box, so it’s been sitting in a half-assembled pile (and occupying the bulk of my bedroom’s floor space) for weeks. The parts finally arrived Monday, apparently on a slow boat from China (despite assurances that “you should have them in three to five days,” three weeks ago), and I completed construction.

Assembled, this thing is fantastic — it was painfully expensive, yes, but my perpetual eBay presence (this week it’s Mystery Science Theater 3000, Japanese consoles and Game Boy games) has cleared up that particular expense already. It’s also ludicrously large and I shudder to imagine how we’re going to transport it when we move out, but whatever. Health and a positive self-image are probably about the best reasons to spend money and inconvenience yourself. Plus, it’s incalculably nicer to use than the crappy-ass bike I annihilated through overenthusiasm last month. It’s high-tech, even, with a programmable interface, personalized workout data memory and a pair of electrical sensor grips to let me know that, yes, in fact, my chest is about to explode because really only hummingbirds should have that sort of heart rate and shouldn’t you maybe call an ambulance? Maybe I should have gone for the top-of-the-line model which will call for medical support when you collapse. The optional triage function is particularly commendable, I think.

Now I just have to make up for the month of backsliding I’ve done while it’s been laying in a heap on the floor.

P.S. Goodness! Whatever could this be?

I mean, aside from a damning indictment of the iPhone’s lack of macro capabilities.

39 thoughts on “Victory lap

  1. Finally! Every other system but the DS has had a Crazy Taxi port, it’s about time we get one too.

  2. For all of the NeoGAFers who have said Parish needs to have his head examined, the CT cart should do the trick.

  3. Congrats on the elliptical, anyway! Assuming you don’t get bored with it, you’ll love having one in the house.

  4. Ha, nice one. I think Chronos Twin is one of those games like Black Sigil that only exists in wishful thinking.

  5. Or it’s a Yo Gabba Gabba spinoff game, “Cool Tricks”.

    It really just consists of being able to stack cups fast or pull your leg behind your head.

  6. Huh, they fit a Certified Therapist onto a ds cart and making all the EGM/1up staff use them?

    Moving the elliptical will be difficult due to size and shape but considering the rather impressive mounds of crap (love) that you’ve managed to sell/are selling at least you’ll still be moving less overall. (Seriously, how many boxes did all that take when you moved?)

  7. I just disassembled my old elliptical to be junked. The process was not too bad, but you are not going to be able to lift that huge wheel without cutting the belt on it. I would suggest unscrewing the rest of the apparatus and getting a few people to lift out the wheel and its attachments.

    Anyway, glad to hear that the machine is ready to go. The expensive stuff tends to last for a while, so consider it a small expense if you plan on using the thing daily.

    It also reminds me that I have an equipment-less exercise routine to add to the ol’ “We Fit” thread. I’ll do it….eventually.

  8. Finally, the use of the stylus and D-pad get their eponymous sendoff in Nintendo’s new, “Carpal Tunnel”!

  9. Much love on the elliptical. I LOVE ellipticals (as much as I hate stationary bikes, apparently.) Is it a self-powered model, or do you have to plug it in?

    If it’s your first time on it, I suggest setting it on Manual, then working up the resistance levels + time goal. This is a steady, constant setting, unlike Cardio, Weight Loss, Uphill, and similar modes, which can have peaks and valleys and are a bit more advanced –and you should consult with a physician or trainer before tackling them head-on. And speaking of, you should also get someone to assist you on what your ideal heartrate + time rates are. Currently, I’m clocking 40 minutes at an average 165 BPM, but my trainer wants me to raise it up to a full hour. o_O

  10. I’m going to to sincerely apologize for following up and continuing that horrible trend. SORRY.

  11. Wow, DS flash roms are surprisingly sleek looking. Last one I saw for a portable was for the GBC, and it was essentially just a big sloppy bare circuitboard.

    Oh, and you’re all wrong. That’s clearly an earlier review copy of the new Crave game Cronos Twins.

    … and I put ENTIRELY too much effort into that one.

  12. Not that much effort, since someone made the same joke about 20 posts ago.

    I’m disappointed that no one guessed that it’s a DS port of “CT: Special Forces.”

  13. Triage always sounded like such a dirty word to me.
    Though in this particular instance, it does call to mind an exercise-bike powered defibrillator:
    “This man is having a heart attack! Quick, charge up the defibrillator!”
    *pedal pedal pedal*
    *pedal pedal pedal*

  14. Totally not related to this mystery “CT” game, but Ebay sale: I actually found a copy of Rockman World V (yes the Japanese version) at a local Half Price Books store just last month. Cost me $2.00 and some tax. Strange things you sometimes find in the middle of Ohio.

  15. I couldn’t figure out WHAT that was. I thought that it was some kind of Nintendo iPod playing a 1UP/EGM podcast about Chrono Trigger sticking out of the back of a laptop.

  16. Great pick-up on the elliptical. I love running in the outdoors during the spring/summer and fall here, for the brisk, pleasant weather (New England.) But that is a pick-up I’m considering for our dreaded winter.

    The remakes are getting a bit annoying though.

  17. Mega Man V is worth > $40 now? And to think I traded it in at EB ten-ish years ago for like $3. Also, boo at FF Legend I and III but no II. Unless you’re keeping it. Since it’s the best one.

  18. What surprises me is that neither of the Contra games have any bids. I thought kids love the Contra!

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