Hey kids! It’s an all-Square update. Well, Square Enix. Eh, whatever.
ITEM THE FIRST. I know what you’re thinking: Oh god, he’s posted a Xenogears pic. I thought he promised we were done with this nonsense. Actually, yeah, we are. It’s just that, according to The Internet, Square Enix will be releasing a bunch of its old games on PlayStation Network. (In Japan only, of course. What, did you think good retro DLC would come to the U.S.? You sad, disappointed dreamer, you.) Among the titles included is, obviously, Xenogears. I can tell I’m getting soft in my old age, because I actually found myself thinking, “Hey, I might actually play that if I could download it onto my PSP.” Somebody, please punch me until I come to my senses.
ITEM THE SECOND. The new issue of EGM appears to have hit the first batch of subscribers and is already causing no end of heartache, since this is the first issue in which many of the three-man reviews have been supplanted by solo write-ups. I personally think the single-writer reviews are good, because I can present a far more thorough critique in 350 words than in 90. I’m not sure that three cramped blurbs do any game justice now that the medium has grown more complex — it’s a good change that reflects the current state of the medium. In any case, among said solo reviews are my critiques of Final Fantasy IV and Chocobo’s Dungeon, and I can’t decide which game’s message board reactions bemuse me more. I am definitely surprised to learn FFIV has been grievously slighted with a solid “good” rating; but Chocobo’s Dungeon received even higher marks, and somehow that appears to have invalidated the review, according to the game’s fans. The idea that a good score for a game you like should be cause for suspicion is a sort of pretzel logic that leaves me baffled. I realize the obvious solution is to stop reading forums, but you know how addictive it can be to watch insanity in action.
ITEM THE THIRD. I am now plowing my way through the U.S. version of Dragon Quest IV, which might end up being the last game I’m unreservedly excited about this year. Except maybe Mirror’s Edge, which I’m hoping will turn out to be as rad as it looks rather than another promising big-budget flop like Assassin’s Creed. Oh, yes — and also Wario Land Shake. Because seriously, a 2D platformer on a console? When a coelacanth swims its way out of prehistory and into your net, you don’t just stand there looking slack-jawed as it slips away. No, you must capture this precious creature and take it home with you. Rejoice, for it is not in any way affiliated with Suzak!