Around the corner, or whistlin’ down the river

You know, the saddest thing to come out of all the Mario Galaxy hubbub over the past few days is the revelation that not enough kids know what West Side Story is. Bone up on your classics, kids.

Despite remaining confident that singing a bastardized song from an old movie musical about Mario is a terrible idea, I’ve decided not to go into hiding after all. I shall face up to the music, so to speak. 1UP Show producer Ryan O’Donnell let it slip that the whole thing was my idea, so I can’t pretend I was coerced, either. So, yeah. Just my luck to toss out a stupid idea that fell into line with something he’s wanted to do with the show for ages — an all-singing, all-dancing episode. I drew the line at dancing, though. Looking all mooney-eyed, Tony style, was disgraceful enough.

Yeah. D’oh.

Still, I like the idea of “Second Street Story,” detailing the bitter feud between the Nets and the Sharkeys — employees of rivals C|net and Ziff-Davis, thrust by fate into a narrow corridor of the same block in the ghettos bordering San Francisco’s cutthroat financial district. On one side of the dividing line, the Nets believe that videogames are consumer commodities and should be evaluated accordingly, without regard for individual passion or interest. On the other side, the Sharkeys are hard-livin’ ruffians who see gaming as a personal, social experience to be extemporized upon from the heart. And the forbidden romance that tears them apart.

Of course, there will be songs.

When you’re a Net
You’re a Net all the way
And your tone’s corporate
When you write about games

See? Pure gold in the making.

28 thoughts on “Around the corner, or whistlin’ down the river

  1. It says something about my taste and common sense that I’m actually interested in seeing more of this screenplay.

  2. I have been mocked for years by my friends for owning the LDs of West Side Story.

    Can I use your rendition as proof that it’s manly to like West Side Story?

  3. Hey, now, West Side Story is my favorite musical! Of course, I don’t much care for musicals… I just like Leonard Bernstein. Anyways, as long as I hear something like…

    [i]Sony don’t care ’bout A-me-ri-cah
    No Dual Shocks here in A-me-ri-cah
    Don’t give a damn ’bout A-me-ri-cah
    No retro stuff in A-me-ri-cah![/i]

    I think it’ll be great. This from the (proud?) owner of a PS3.

  4. The fact that you look as young as I do in that picture, but I know you’re older than I am makes me feel kinda weird. I’d feel even weirder if I still had my beard, but I sadly had to shave it off for the new job.

    Sigh. Winter at the bus stops is not going to be much fun, and I hate scarfs.

  5. Man, I vaguely recognized your musical number, and did so at the very end. Needed more snapping. For a guy with zero vocal training, which I assume is you, you actually did quite well. You seemed to hold the tune just well enough to keep you off post-1991 modern rock radio. You know how American Idol only shows clips of the best and worst performances? Yours wouldn’t make it on the air. That’s how non-bad you were.

    Other than the fact you were sining about a video game, I wouldn’t be embarrassed at all. I would be embarrassed at that scene of you sitting around at your mailbox waiting for a video game. Something about that image screams over-the-top geekdom.

  6. This leads credence to a TT discussion on how we would rumble. We rumble…through song and dance.

  7. You mean there are people out there whose teachers didn’t show West Side Story during the Romeo and Juliet unit? Surely they would have jumped on the chance to not teach for a couple of days. What gives?

  8. I’m usually a subscriber to the Weird Al school of song when it comes to any singing I do. “Screw the lyrics, make your own.”

    I really want to try something like that on Rock Band or Karaoke Revolution, just to see if the game can REALLY tell, so long as you keep to the tune.

    Oh, and re: the picture. I am so fucking jealous right now, you don’t even know. Double that if you’ve got the patch. If you’ve got the patch… you’ve got the power… yeah!

    I’m awful, I know, no need to point it out.

    –LBD “Nytetrayn”

  9. How about you do a little double-love action? Some Ave Maria to remember the great Pavarati! Ave Mario, you say? Sure, why not!

  10. I submit that the reason no one got the reference was that “Maria” hasn’t been used in a Gap ad yet.

    (Although you’d think that people would get it off that campaign alone, never mind the aforementioned “use this musical to hopefully get high schoolers to hopefully at least know what the hell happens in Romeo and Juliet” factor. Then again, I’m fairly sure I skipped class that day to go to the mall.)

  11. A lovable premise, but surely if gaming has a senseless Capulet-Montague feud it’s between the console fanboy camps?

    If only they would start knifing each other in vacant lots instead of resolving their differences through song and dance!

  12. This reminds me of the time a High School classmate of mine expressed a desire to retell Akira in the trappings of Grease.

  13. Now if you’d only given the same treatment to Rush’s “Free Will” when BioShock came out.

  14. Even if you aren’t the best singer, it was still a fun concept.
    I think it take a lot of courage to get out there and sing. Especially if you think you’re not that good. I say well done Jeremy.
    Having been in Drama for four years (yes I’m getting married today, to a woman) I thought it was pretty cool. But I like that kind of stuff.
    Now when I hear that song I’m gonna think of Mario though. lol

  15. All attempts to rework “Officer Krupke” into “Officer Koopa” have met with failure. Perhaps someone else will manage to pull it off.

  16. That was a joy, but I would have gone with the Judge’s Johanna number from Sweeney Todd, the one that got (understandably but unforgivably) cut.

    Mario, Mario,
    I treasure you in innoncence
    and loved you like a daughter.
    You mock me, Mario,
    You tempt me with your innocence,
    You tempt me with those quivering–
    No! God! Deliver me! It will–stop–now it will–stop, right now, right, now, right, now.

    But do you even have a whip in the 1up offices?

    Oh, silly question.

  17. Onomarchus — We don’t have any whips. But we do in fact have a few riding crops. Purple riding crops.

  18. You know, the saddest thing to come out of all the Mario Galaxy hubbub over the past few days is the revelation that not enough kids know what West Side Story is.

    Exactly. Oh, I fear for today’s youth…

    Anyway, just wanted to let you know that *I* thought it was great, got the reference right away, and loved that you stuck in the “U R MR. GAY” bit in. Fantastic job, Mr. Parish.

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