Between two planets

And now for something complete different. Well, OK, something very much in keeping with the rest of the site. Governor Guycot is growing impatient while you make your way to his desert fortress on Route 33 and decided to kill some time with a brief foray into New Games Journalism. His New Games Topic: EarthBound.

So while you muddle around talking to the skeleton of your murdered friend in some godforsaken cave somewhere, he’s getting all rose-tinted. At least someone is being productive. (Hint: it ain’t you.)

I can tell I’m growing anxious about next week’s Tokyo Game Show foray. (I always have anxiety about air travel — right up until the moment I actually get on the plane, at which point I’m totally fine. It’s probably just well-justified fear of dealing with the chicanery of DHS.) This time it’s interrupting my sleep: I dreamed that TGS was reimagined as a county fair this year, and Square showed off a terrible new Final Fantasy VII spin-off called FFVII: Item Battle. Their PR guys confided to me that Item Battle was designed as a showcase for the PS3’s graphics capabilities, but they’d forgotten to make an interesting game — the demo consisted of the player’s party lining up opposite the TURKS, taking turns throwing inventory items at each other. Eventually they ran out of inventory and resorted to chucking corn cobs that showgoers had left on the ground.

It was uncannily realistic, and I fully expect to have that exact experience one week from today.

19 thoughts on “Between two planets

  1. That’s a fucking awesome dream. Obviously Shadow would break such a game. Or perhaps a hidden boss. The potential is enormous!

  2. I hope you have a safe and easy flight. Can’t wait to see what they announce.

    have fun, it’s something others only dream of. (international travel that is)

  3. I’ve tried multiple times, but I just can’t get myself to play past the second section of that game. Everything about the tone, presentation, and battle system just bugs me.

  4. FFVII: Item Battle will innovate and usher us into true next-gen cinematic experience with its impressive storytelling, relating the untold story of a new threat to Midgar: Dark Cloud.

  5. After reading this article Earthbound is no less of a mystery to me (who’s only played about 20 minutes in).

    But all the artwork for this piece is top-to-bottom gorgeous. So that should help get folks playing the game again… for the first time.

  6. I always get nervous about air travel up until the moment as well. For me, it’s the realization that, if this plane goes down, I’m surely going to die. Certainty is a big plus for me.

  7. Hey thanks, wumpwoast. I tried my best.

    Good article, Guycot. I’m not a big fan of NGJ, but Earthbound is the only game that makes sense to use it for. I enjoyed it.

  8. Wow, that’s a freaky dream (so freaking awesome).

    When I saw FFVII: Item Battle, I thought you were dreaming about battling your way through progressively deeper and deeper levels of Cloud’s Buster sword or Sephiroth’s hair or something (nightmare!!).

  9. I think I like Earthbound because it’s as if someone understood the Beatles and what Magical Mystery Tour and Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band was all about. The game explained those things to me, and in order to understand it, I think you have to do it with a jewish mindset, and I mean and ancient Bible jewish way of thinking. The game is genius.

  10. Anyone have a response to the ________ in the article? I have never played the game, although I have ogled at it over the years.

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