Wherein I spoil MGS4 for you

So, the newly-revealed bosses for Metal Gear Solid 4. Yes, they’re all female; yes, they all combine the emotion-themed motif of MGS3’s Cobra Unit members with the specific animal fursonas code-names of Metal Gear Solid’s Fox Hound. No news there. But if you pay attention to the finer details of the video below…

…you can pretty much predict how the game is going to play out. They’re all post-traumatic stress disorder survivors reshaped into invincible cybernetic beasts — more machine now than (wo)man — and the essence of their humanity is buried deep within. Which of course means that when Snake offs them, one by one, they’ll experience catharsis in the throes of dying, a last-minute reawakening of their humanity. And this will compel them to launch into 15-minute solioquies as they slo-o-o-o-o-o-owly cross the threshold of death’s door.

I’ve gotta say, I think my favorite thing about MGS3 is that when you defeat a boss they pretty much just explode instantly. Lengthy deathbed discourses are a Metal Gear tradition we don’t actually need to see revived for MGS4. Maybe it’s just me, but if I were shot through the lungs and could no longer breathe without suffocating on blood, I figure I probably wouldn’t be compelled to use my last moments telling my killer about my lousy childhood in Kurdistan or whatever.

Yeah, MGS4 is gonna be awesome. Despite itself.

P.S., new Retronauts.

21 thoughts on “Wherein I spoil MGS4 for you

  1. I assume you mean the second half? Possibly a new character, but that wouldn’t be very Kojima. Why create a new character when you can improbably recycle an old one? Which narrows it down to the tiny handful of African-American characters from MGS’s past, meaning… uh, the ghost of Peter Stillman? Zombie Scott Dolph? A surprisingly young-sounding Sigint?

    OK, so maybe it’s a new character. Probably whoever is filling the Natasha/Sigint role.

  2. Screaming Mantis has two puppets. One is Psycho Mantis. The other is The Sorrow.

    Not that I wasn’t already going to buy it, but that alone would have sold me a copy.

  3. “And this will compel them to launch into 15-minute solioquies as they slo-o-o-o-o-o-owly cross the threshold of death’s door.”

    To be fair, it is a rather large and intimidating threshold. You only get to cross it once, I think, so you may as well take a good long look.

    Also, a deathbed soliloquy is maybe lame, but a playable deathbed hallucination that determines what kind of superpower your soul sucking “protagonist” gains? Awesome?

  4. My own theory is that the Beauty/Beast unit will be used for the latest iteration of the tranq/kill choice in MGS games, and that it’ll be possible to save them from their fates if you take them down nonlethally. Which is something I was hoping for from 3, but the Cobra Unit guys were unsympathetic enough that you didn’t necessarily want to see them live–these girls inspire a little more pity, so maybe a mechanic like that would work better this time around.

  5. Regarding Nich’s comment: Granted, when you tranqed a Cobra Unit member, they still blew the hell up.

    I want to see how Snake takes these ladies down though, especially with a pea-shooter tranquilizer pistol, since they seem pretty bulletproof. Did someone say “blue rocket launcher?”

  6. Distract them with compliments, flowers, chocolates, then strike when their defenses are down. The time-honored tradition for destroying women.

  7. Kojima is absolutely stunning me with his boundless creativity here. The reuse of the codenames from the original MGS doesn’t bother me, but the descriptive adjectives? Brilliant.

    So, we have Crying Wolf, a wolf who, uh, cries. Screaming Mantis, who looks nothing like a mantis, but boy can she scream! Laughing Octopus, like Robin Williams in the midst of a six-day cocaine binge. And Raging Raven–lovely alliteration there!–who seems rather eager to see your RAGE!!?!

    Seriously. My biggest complaint about MGS3 (which I absolutely loved, don’t get me wrong) was how difficult it was to take certain members of the Cobra unit seriously due to their inane catchphrases. THE FEAR! THE SORROW! Just in case you’ve forgotten our names already!


  8. mr parish, you seem to always be bitter on one post and ZOMG I LOVE LIFE in the next. maybe you need to play some katamari

  9. At what point do they stop being dangerous elite ultra-paranormal-commandos and start being MegaMan X enemies?

  10. I hate the endless deathbed reflecting as well In MGS “We are really the same snake, killers on the battlefield… My mother was that chick with the tank in the move Montenegro and my father was 2nd cousin to Klaus Barbie. And Barbie… blah blah blah” Why is snake hanging out to listen to all this anyway? ” Look, it was great matching wits with you Psycho Antelope but Ive got to watch Raiden change while hiding in a crate while Otacon watchs through the secret radio…”

    And why do they always need to talk to you for every 3 seconds on that thing. You are like hiding under a tank and there are Genome soldiers everywhere. Maybe not such a hot time to have a 20 minute dialogue on boxers vs briefs. “Pss Snake its me the Colonel. I’m opening a coke. Ahh. Just for the taste of it…”

    Finally in MGS3 it is toned down a bit, everytime you save taht girl wont shut up. ” Hey Snake? Having fun eating alligator you caught after being shot through the long? Great. BTW Do you know what my favourite movie is?” Well it better be Guinea Pig because you are about to live it, SNAKE EATER style, if you dont shut the hell up.

    There might be as much inane talking as there is in Xenosaga!

  11. I think I agree with you but it’s hard to tell because of the choking stench of whiskey that surrounds you.

  12. what I loved about MGS3 is that there was less 15 minute long monologs. Like the Fear and the Fury just popped up and said “I will kill you.” then exploded. It was your choice if you wanted to explore more about them through radio dialog about them. There were a few of them who had long death bed speeches but it’s a lot less then the Fox Unit. But basicly the Fear and the Fury were like Mega Man bosses.

    But I find it interisting…. that none of the cinematics look 3d models are photo-realistic. And right now the “Beasts” are really baroque and tense designs. I’m more facinated when they remove that armor, how do they shed that form, will they look like the models in the video? Or will they look like plastic dolls like Meryle, Eva and Naomi?

  13. Not whiskey but ceasars. Ive been getting loaded in Canadian airport bars ranting to strangers and hobos about Metal Gear Dialogue

  14. What are you guys saying SOME of the bosses in Snake Eater had long monologues? No they didn’t.

  15. I hope the game doesn’t imply in any way that women who don’t get married or have kids are somehow betraying a woman’s natural way of being. I’m getting tired of this manga/anime trope popping up when they deal with women who aren’t housewives.

  16. I agree that that video was all about lame catchphrases. That being said, Kojima actually managed to give a blood-crying ghost named The Sorrow a shred of dignity, so at this point I believe he can pull off anything.

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