Sexy Parodius: THE NEXT GENERATION

(Please imagine this post is being read aloud by Patrick Stewart with a Jerry Goldsmith composition playing in the background to unleash its terrifying true potential.)

For about five minutes yesterday, I was pretty happy to hear that Konami has a new arcade shooter in the works — it’s nice to know the company can do something that isn’t DDR, and Konami shooters tend to be a lot more enjoyable than the identical bullet hell clones that most publishers are content to spew these days. (Spew like hellish bullets, even.) But then I learned that the shooter’s name would be Otomedius, a portmanteau of “otome” (or “maiden” in Japanese) and Gradius.

“So it’s either going to be sleazy and pandering, or else it’s going to be goofy and ridiculous,” I opined to cubicle pal Matt Leone.

“I don’t see why it can’t be both,” he said with a shrug. And then we found the first official artwork.

Good thing I am not a gambling man or I would totally owe him a Coke right now.

On a completely unrelated (I hope) note, Talking Time now has a new public challenge forum: Hardcore Awesome Wednesdays, which is home to a loose coalition of people who would rather gather online and blow each other up than watch American Idol. And who can blame them? I’ll probably join in on those rare and precious occasions in which I have free time, so stop in for code-swapping and check back each Wednesday night. Assuming everyone stays interested for more than a week or two.

30 thoughts on “Sexy Parodius: THE NEXT GENERATION”

  2. My internal Patrick Stewart monologue had to stop to giggle every few lines. That’s a good sign, right?

  5. Alright, I read the link. I’m so excited that this album will have Deep Meaningful Commentary on religion, because that certainly doesn’t make for ponderous and tiresome entertainment!

  6. Man, here I am advocating for Hardcore Awesome Wednesdays (I’m even the one that suggested Wednesday nights!), and I never even stopped to think about my newly found American Idol addiction. Curses!

    I’m probably a better person for it, though.

  8. Of course the character designs are by Yoshizaki Mine. (He of the Sgt. Frog.) Between this and his series of pinupified Angels from Evangelion, he seems to be to go-to guy for putting boobs on things that probably shouldn’t have them.

  10. I think that Gradius news is completely awesome, but I’m not quite sure.

    Of course, there’s no hope of this coming out in the US anyway, is there? Not like we even have arcades anymore.

  11. It depends on how long you spend with them. If you’re not very good at them, for instance, you’d probably die three seconds in no matter which one you play.

  13. Fanservice without the Japanese-styled crack? But I **liked** Parodius! I liked the pigs and penguins and stick-figure paper airplane guys. The fanservice was just part of what made those games fun. Everything changes I suppose.

    Oh and Myspace: Marillion new album clips. http://www.myspace.com/marillion

  15. “Between this and his series of pinupified Angels from Evangelion, he seems to be to go-to guy for putting boobs on things that probably shouldn’t have them.”

    Oh, have you seen his pin-ups of moe girls in mobile suit-themed maid outfits? I thought I was the only one.

  16. Parish, not that you should care because you have no idea who I am, but this is the first time I’ve ever had to completely disagree with you on a video game opinion. Danmaku games are pure gameplay. They are the ultimate test of reflexes, coordination, and the ability to think on one’s feet. Yes, Konami shooters rock and rock hard (gotta love that 6/8 time sig), but they sure don’t induce the zen-like state of fighting the last boss of Ikaruga, or the rush of surviving the true last boss of Mushihimesama for any length of time.

    If, on the other hand, you were referring to depth of gameplay, I might have to agree with you.

  17. You say that they’re a ‘poor excuse for real gameplay’, yet you gush over how wonderful games like FFXII are, despite the fact that FFXII mostly consists of programming bots to play the game for you.

    What is ‘real gameplay’, anyhow? A bullet hell shooter is the closest thing to ‘real gameplay’ that you’ll ever get nowadays, seeing as how ‘real gameplay’ consists of ‘playing’ a ‘game’ for ‘real’.

  18. I cannot resist the temptation to refer to the characters as “Victoria Viper” and “Lady British”

  19. OK, let’s take a deep breath and remember that antagonizing the owner of a personal site in the Comments section is a good way to get the Comments section killed.
    Do I disagree with his assessment of bullet hell titles? Sure. But you get a hell of a lot further using civil discourse to dissent than attacking someone taste with ironic quotemarks.

  20. Yeah, this has quickly reached the “agree to disagree” point. High-level strategy is one kind of gameplay. Twitch reactions (maybe even memorization) are a different kind of gameplay. De gustibus and all that, the end.

  21. “antagonizing the owner of a personal site in the Comments section is a good way to get the Comments section killed”

    Nah, not really. Mostly I’m just being inflammatory for the hell of it. I can’t see how muscle-memory exercises could be considered fun, but then I remember that people often kill one other over soccer matches and realize that very little in this world makes sense.

  22. Hmmm. I thought I was using civil discourse. Anyway, of course it’s fine to disagree… I just thought it would be a point worth discussing.

  23. I was trying to think Patrick Stewart, but I just kept coming up with Sean Connery instead. Eck.

    Haha okay now it’s working. Awesome.

    I haven’t ever gotten into shmups, but it’s not like I’ve tried.

  25. “Between this and his series of pinupified Angels from Evangelion, he seems to be to go-to guy for putting boobs on things that probably shouldn’t have them.”
    My first reaction to this was trying to imagine the Fifth Angel with breasts.
    Seriously, it’s fun. Try it.

  27. I musr confirm off-topically that the C64 Retronauts episode was the best birthday present that I have ever gotten from a complete stranger. :D

  28. Oh, have you seen his pin-ups of moe girls in mobile suit-themed maid outfits? I thought I was the only one.

    I’ve seen a God Gundam maid, but I don’t think it was his. (Not that it diminishes the horror of the whole thing coming from somebody else, but credit where credit is due.) I think that one was by Mika Akitaka, who’s to blame for starting the whole MS Girls thing 15 years ago or so.

  29. Whatever. I think I’ll give a shit about video games when someone comes up for a sequel to Guardian’s Crusade.

    Another shooter. yay. or something.

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