There’s a certain charm in the way that life is determined to slowly dismantle all my fond childhood memories. The latest victim? The ending to Super Mario Bros. 2.
Man, that was such a great ending, you know? A big ol’ animated cartoon-like Mario snoozing quietly as he dreamed of his journey through SubCon. The graphics were impressive for the NES, and the adventure-within-a-dream made perfect sense within the context of the plot, so it wasn’t one of those insulting Dallas-like “everything was just fake” cop-outs.
But alas, all good things must come to a grimly deconstructed end. In this case, the damage has been done by my upstairs neighbor, a totally nice dude in his fifties by the name of Glen. Having Glen for a neighbor is great, because he’s one of those rare souls who rents but is still conscientious and thoughtful about it. The problem is that he looks exactly like Mario, to the point where Ron Jeremy in overalls is just an embarrassingly poor imitation. In fact, Glen wears overalls all the time. White overalls! Sometimes with red shirts! Granted, he curses like a sailor, but otherwise it’s totally uncanny.
Unfortunately, he snores. Snores like you wouldn’t believe. Every night I sit in my room and can actually hear his snores coming from the apartment upstairs. Hear them over the sound of whatever video I’m watching or game I’m playing. It’s pretty intense.
And it means that whenever I see the ending of SMB2, I imagine Mario shaking the walls with adenoidal fury. Somehow, the charm is rather lost.
But enough of me struggling to pad a minor anecdote into a full update! In more exciting news — no, wait, I mean indescribably unexciting news — I’ve reviewed both Lunar Knights and Capcom Puzzle World. I’m sure the disparity in scores will do nothing to dissuade people who are convinced that I have it out for PSP games. Because of course scores are determined entirely by perceived personal biases and have nothing to do with the fact that Puzzle World is probably the lamest classics compilation I’ve seen in years.