Until I bought a copy and looked at the actual box, I didn’t realize that Elite Beat Agents had been branded as a Touch Generations title. (You know, Nintendo’s “Hey kids, give this to grandma” label.) But it’s totally fitting and, more importantly, absolutely vindicates my insightful punditry, i.e. making fun of the people who’ve freaked out about the changes from the Japanese version.
Of course, it’s always great fun to mock the easily-offended sensibilities of super-hardcore Pocky-munching DDR-stepping yaoi-drawing faux-Japanophiles. (You know, the ones who are only interested in foreign culture to the extent that it intersects anime and whose frequently-employed Japanese vocabulary consists of “kawaii,” “sugoi” and “baka.”) But the freaked-out backlash against Elite Beat Agents has been a particularly savory chestnut to roast thanks entirely to its utter, preposterous stupidity.
Their logic, such as it is, goes like this: Ossu! Tatakae! Ouendan! was an amazing game, but its appeal was predicated solely upon all the licensed J-pop music. The humor, the gameplay, the clever comic-style scenarios were, to hear them tell it, totally immaterial. Therefore its English version — Elite Beat Agents — is going to be awful due to the fact that the Japanese music has been discarded in favor of songs accessible and familiar to Americans.
(To the tune of Madonna’s “Material Girl”)
Never mind that it’s really an entirely new game, with all new scenarios to match the new tunes. Never mind that the game could never have come to the U.S. with its original music intact, because what publisher would pay to license music that only the tiniest slice of American gamers would recognize? Maybe therein lies the problem — gamers have a terrible time dealing with the notion that their clique, clan or cult isn’t the first consideration in their favorite company’s every business decision. The cliquier and clannier they are, the harder it is for them to accept this reality. And licensing Chicago and Cher for EBA sends a very clear message to the J-tards: you are not our core audience.
And good thing, too. EBA may just be the most accessible game on the DS, which is really saying something. The gameplay is simple, the scenarios are genuinely funny, and the music works well. Yeah, all of it. The clever thing about licensing familiar U.S.-charting pop is that your mom/dad/sister/grandma is going to hear David Bowie or the Village People blasting from your DS and be curious about it. And then he/she will try it. And be hooked. And suddenly, BAM, new gaming fan. Well, maybe it won’t be quite so simple as that, but EBA has more potential to turn people onto gaming than just about anything else I can think of, and the fact that Nintendo recognizes this bodes well for their future, I think.
So anyway, buy EBA when it ships next week. If I’m not mistaken, it’s the highest-scoring title I’ve reviewed all year. (Not that numbers mean anything, but you get the idea.) And you haters can go choke on a Pocky. Hopefully one of the almond-encrusted ones — they look really painful.
59 thoughts on “We got the beat”
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Is that Agent in the foreground packing a Noisy Cricket by any chance?
motherfucking word.
Since i returned from the Rising Sun, i’ve just been struck by how deluded the tards you speak of are. “Don’t you get it,” I want to say. “Don’t you realise that the cult you idolize is entirely uninterested in your existance, and indeed mocks you for thinking you are ‘in’ with them?”
i wonder how long it will take for me to recover from that trip, and not just involuntarily recoil when presented with japanese things.
Totally agree. I picked up OTO in Japan and have been avidly waiting for this one to release. I still can’t believe Nintendo is actually putting out a version for the States, but I’m happy for it!
Chicago? In a DS game? This is a combination of Reesian proportions.
But if you had reviewed FFXII, wouldn’t it have potentially ranked higher than EBA?
Yay! I got to play an hour of FFXII yesterday! I’ll probably be able to pick it up again in two weeks or so >:(
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The battle system works fine, I feel like I am playing WoW, but its just not Final Fantasy. That being said I am enjoying the game so far.
I’ll miss Ready Steady Go from the japanese version.
Then buy the friggin’ Japanese version. I don’t want retreads of stuff I’ve already played to death.
From what I’ve seen on YouTube, Ouendan has a knack for taking ordinary situations in Japanese society in different directions, thus making them enjoyable to watch and experience. From what I’ve seen of Elite Beat Agents, the programmers missed that whole point, when remaking the game. They just try to hit you over the head with mediocre scenarios done with stupid takes which only appeal to tv executives who greenlight crappy sitcoms. (Or the One Piece anime…) Oh, yeah, and the BGM has absolutely no energy, compared to the Japanese game, either. I guess payola extends to the gaming world, now, too…
On an additional note, the main consumers of games like DDR and the like are the j-pop fans, and Konami isn’t exactly hurting, because of it. The fact that schools are actually paying for those machines to use in their exercise regimen and they’re actually making a movie based on the machine shows how mainstream it’s become, in spite of what jparish would have others believe. (Hell, one of those things appeared on an episode of Malcolm in the Middle, back when people actually watched the show.)
No matter how ‘mainstream’ Japanophiles become, they’ll still be reeeeeally annoying.
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FFXII is amazing. I disliked the demo to the point that I thought I would never get it, and that my last FF game would be twenty minutes of FFX-2 (what a bad idea that was). Picked it up yesterday though, unable to resist, and now I’m enamoured and dying to leave work and get back into it.
Don’t judge them too harshly. These are the same people who have been told to only accept manga that is unflopped because it is “100% pure”, and not because, you know, it’s cheaper than having to retouch the artwork. I know from personal experience that when you read your anime while watching it or when you have to follow a FAQ to navigate a japanese menu, divorced from all cultural context; your mind fills in the blanks with what it knows. These misguided souls are searching for a Japan that does not exist, a saucer-eyed never-never that will never be.
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You can judge them. Just not too harshly.
Michael: I think I prefer manga unflipped, because when a character’s talking about their right arm, and the panel’s been changed to look like their left arm is the focus of the situation, it does ruin the moment. But that’s just me.
“a saucer-eyed never-never that will never be”– i couldn’t have said it better myself. So many people go to japan looking for the land of milk and honey and anime, and come home shattered and disillusioned, as they see that the real otaku in the caves under akiba are nothing like the fanboys back home, or that the japanese collective memory is so shallow that pop culture changes faster than anyone can truely appreciate. and when you see the cultural context for everything, it really changes how you look at games and anime.
Neia_7, for instance, depicted immigrants as actual aliens working as servants and lower class citizens. I thought it was just satire till i got there and learned that, no, actually, it’s true. Foreigners might as well be space aliens.
i can’t even bring myself to read manga or watch anime anymore. cause i have seen what it was born from. When i go to barnes and noble, and see all the kiddies reading manga like its the bible, i want to shake them and wake them out of their bubble-eyed haze. but i was once there myself, a fanboy with visions of a mystical mythical japan that never existed outside of the comics.
I can’t, for the life of me, understand why ANYONE would complain about more Ouendan levels. Sure, the flavor of the game is a little different, but come on. I mean, I know if a secret governement agency asked me to join their Elite dancing and singing task force, I wouldn’t turn them down. Anyway, it’s more Ouendan levels. Even if you don’t like the music, it’s MORE OUENDAN LEVELS. I can’t even begin to say I’m a fan of Ricky Martin, but I shook my maracas right along with his music in Samba De Amigo and had a blast. I can’t imagine I will do anything vaguely different when I hit an EBA level around a long I dislike.
More Ouendan levels! Just rejoice! Party!
But yeah, I picked up a booklet awhile back listing all the Touch Generation titles and that scared me too. The gameplay doesn’t take that long to figure out, and I’m sure anyone could play it, but I can’t even imagine anyone who isn’t a hardcore gamer seeing EBA on a shelf and even thinking about buying it.
shivam: Yeah, well, people go to France, expecting a classy place full of gourmet dishes and intellectual pursuits, and get a bunch of belligerent jerks who look the other way when their city’s being trashed by rioters. (Wait, I thinking I’m confusing France with L.A.)
While I agree completely, I do kinda wish that the Ouendan are available as unlockable characters…
Which reminds me, anyone know if the cheerleaders are still in, or if they made the “Super Hard Mode” characters into like Charlie’s Angels or something? Or (god forbid) the new game is just a great big sausage party?
I’m one of them folk who isn’t keen on researchin’ stuff so I might be wrong, but the EBA team is the excact same fellers who did Ouendan, ain’t it? So I don’t get this “missing the point” business. Anyway, Chicago is in it. I hope to goodness the Guitar Hero guys take serious note of this.
I can vouch that not everyone complaining about EBA’s tracklist is a wapanese. In fact I haven’t seen anyone espousing that EBA is an abomination for removing the Japanese music – but I just know from experience they exist somewhere. Most of the current revulsion seems to come from the appearances of Good Charlotte, Avril Lavigne and Hoobastank in the soundtrack.
While I think ‘Y.M.C.A’ has hilarious potential for the game I’m still trying to reconcile the idea of paying money for something that contains the horrific ‘Survivor’.
The cheerleaders for Elite Beat Agents are “Elite Beat Divas”!
John: “I’m one of them folk who isn’t keen on researchin’ stuff so I might be wrong, but the EBA team is the excact same fellers who did Ouendan, ain’t it? So I don’t get this “missing the point” business.”
It might be the same team, but it’s not the same concept. EBA just feels so…corporate. Like they just wanted to cash in on a dancing game with American pop culture by inserting a few of our hit songs. They didn’t care whether the songs go with the video, or whether the videos were even interesting in the first place. It’s like Space Channel 5 all over again.
iNiS DID choose the songs, so most likely they worked everything out and the likes.
“I’ve seen of Elite Beat Agents, the programmers missed that whole point, when remaking the game.”
Hmm, so a taxi driver dropping people off, then getting pulled over by a cop isn’t an “ordinary situation”? And Fat Cleopatra being transformed into a supermodel by a pyramid built in ten days is?
Come on, EBA has stupid scenarios, but you’re deluding yourself if you think that Ouendan’s scenarios are not stupid themselves. But that’s the point, it’s the charm of the games.
I think that INIS has outdone themselves with this game, and if you don’t think so, you’re just blinded by otaku rage.
Why do people still argue with this guy? There’s clues in every single one of his posts that he’s just a big irritating troll. (“From what I’ve seen on YouTube…” indeed.)
This post is good to see. You have 1) vindicated my own beliefs about the game, and 2) quelled any remaining doubts I may have had. EBA is one of only two games coming out this season that I’m bothering to pick up at release, and my only concern is that I won’t get to play it much right away since the other–Guitar Hero 2–is out a mere day later.
So, who wants to chip in for the almond pocky?
Ouendan was fun. EBA looks fun. Problem solved.
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Also: should I take that to mean you’re not altogether a DDR fan, Señor Parish, or just irked with the psychotic ones? (I’ll gladly support the latter POV.)
“I can vouch that not everyone complaining about EBA’s tracklist is a wapanese. In fact I haven’t seen anyone espousing that EBA is an abomination for removing the Japanese music – but I just know from experience they exist somewhere. Most of the current revulsion seems to come from the appearances of Good Charlotte, Avril Lavigne and Hoobastank in the soundtrack.
While I think ‘Y.M.C.A’ has hilarious potential for the game I’m still trying to reconcile the idea of paying money for something that contains the horrific ‘Survivor’.”
Agreed 100%. I haven’t played OTO, nor will I buy EBA (Guitar Hero will do for my music/rhythm game, thank you), but this appears to be the same backlash Donkey Konga 2 got.
However, bad pop music is less nauseating in another language. I’m sure there are probably some of Japanese folks who heard about EBA and are thinking “damn Americans, they got the better deal!”
“It might be the same team, but it’s not the same concept. EBA just feels so…corporate. Like they just wanted to cash in on a dancing game with American pop culture by inserting a few of our hit songs. They didn’t care whether the songs go with the video, or whether the videos were even interesting in the first place. It’s like Space Channel 5 all over again.”
Because, as we all know, the Japanese original was made purely out of the goodness of the developers’ hearts, with absolutely no intentions of selling as many copies of the game as they could.
I concur with what Nemo said. Some of the localized music does look pretty good, but the idea of doing… whatever it is you do in EBA to ‘Sk8ter boi’ makes me want to puke in a bucket. I’ve seen no J-pop fan get irritated about it. Heck, I posted the news on a J-pop forum awhile back and the general reaction was ‘Huh… oh well, it’s not really suprising.’
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I’ll go a step further and say that part of what made EBA’s alteration so darastic feeling to some was that the DS is already well known for quirky off-beat games. This was just the newest in that line of eccentric titles. Swapping out the J-pop for licensed American music eliminates some of that quirkiness (not all, but some) and makes it more… well, yeah, accessible. But it also makes it more ordinary, and I think that’s part of the reason it got some people heated about it. It would’ve kind of been like if they gutted Cooking Mama’s Japanese-centric dishes and tried to swap them out with an Americanized list of foods.
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Oh me? I have little interest in picking it up anyway, localized soundtrack or not. The Wii is going to be enough of a hit this holiday season.
pete: “Hmm, so a taxi driver dropping people off, then getting pulled over by a cop isn’t an “ordinary situation”?”
It’s not an ordinary situation taken in a different direction, which is my point.
Drivers get pulled over all the time. Hell, they made three GTA games on that concept alone.
Andrew: “However, bad pop music is less nauseating in another language.”
Apparently not for today’s anime openings.
‘I’m sure there are probably some of Japanese folks who heard about EBA and are thinking “damn Americans, they got the better deal!”‘
I’m guessing they’re the few people who bought Hikaru Utada’s, “Easy, Breezy, Japanesey” single.
sinfony: “Because, as we all know, the Japanese original was made purely out of the goodness of the developers’ hearts, with absolutely no intentions of selling as many copies of the game as they could.”
It’s not always about the money. Otherwise, JParish wouldn’t have any programmers to praise.
I know you can’t tell me what the final song is (I suppose you shouldn’t shatter my hopes for Hardware Store yet), but at least tell me this: is it awesome?
I’ve been saying over on 4chan that the music selection for EBA fails just as much to us(us being fairly hardcore Western gamers) as the music selection for Ouendan fails for our Japanese counterparts.
Linda Linda has almost the exact same status in Japan as YMCA does in America, it’s a great karaoke song that gets played at every party that goes on long enough. Material Girl and Horiuchi, Ashlee Simpson and Morning Musume, I could go on. The game has been translated as perfectly as it can be.
So stop whining and start hacking the game. Make us some homebrew versions made of epic win. I will buy a flashcart specifically so I can play a good Ouendan/EBA hack.
I still can’t get over how many turds are on that song list, though. I don’t really care about no j-pop/j-rock…I just want something that’s actually pretty good. Also, they don’t yell “Oooooueeeeennnddaaaaann!” at the start of every stage, do they?
I dunno. A bunch of smiling guys with sunglasses and business suits dancing just doesn’t seem as silly as the fierce, hyper-manly ouendan. They should have been more stereotypical, stonefaced Secret Service types, I think. Oh well.
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I’m glad to have new levels, (and thus new songs) but, seriously, Avril Lavigne? Sk8er Boi? What the hell, man? I’ll still play the game, I’ll just make damn sure to use headphones whenever anyone’s around.
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Also, I wouldn’t compare Morning Musume to Ashlee Simpson. Most members of Morning Musume can sing.
I think I’m starting to understand the visceral reaction to hateful internet nerds you often speak of. The posts about tonight’s Lost episode all over “teh intarweb” are filled with anger and venom. Hell, even Penny Arcade’s been unjustly bitching about this season.
I’m sorry, but I didn’t watch X Files. I didn’t watch Enterprise. I wasn’t there for all your horrible television betrayals, so let me enjoy this show, and have some faith that the writers know what they’re doing, plzkthx.
So, I completely agree that all the EBA bitching is dumb. (Region-free. Buy the other one. Buy both. Who cares?! And so on.)
But man, all the bitterness at the beginning of this comment thread makes me wonder how I managed to spend a month in Japan and come out of it still, you know, liking anime and manga. Maybe it helped that I didn’t have *completely* insane expectations, I dunno.
Oops, that was me. I guess it’s been so long since I’ve posted here that my cookie expired.
I’m with you, Kirin. I spent three years in Tokyo, and while I had my share of disillusionment, it’s nowhere near as bad as Shivam’s seems to be. Of course, I spent a lot of time on military bases, most of my friends spoke English, and didn’t get out in the city as much as would have been ideal, but I think I got a fairly good perspective of Japanese culture while I was there.
Man, that guy’s comments have been washed away like ugly sins. Which is a good thing.
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These Ouendan/Beat Agents things sound terribly… fun. I’m more excited about the Wii, but still, fun.
I’ve been banning him for the past year but he’s a little too dense to get the message. Whatta maroon.
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Shivam had the unfortunate experience of being non-white and non-Japanese while in Japan. It’s sort of like being black in the American south. In the 1890s.
i spent a year there. A combination of being indian (since they refused to believe that non-white people could possibly be american) and vegetarian (turns out ham and bacon are vegetables. who would have thought?) and living out in the sticks led to a traumatic time.
Maybe this shirt is appropriate then Shivam? http://www.dieselsweeties.com/shirts/baconisavegetable/
Ham? Bacon? One MAGICAL vegetable!
Wow, alert Judiasm. BACON: Kosher and loving it!
“Chicago? In a DS game? This is a combination of Reesian proportions.”
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Yeah, but it’s “You’re the Inspiration”. I wonder if the editors of Blender magazine are losing it right now.
I want to believe you Shivam, I really do, but then I am mesmerised by the bountious belessings bestowed upon the world by the Japanese people, such as this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=xiMoKAybo1A
Since we’re linking to things now…
My earlier worries about Elite Beat Agents are gone. I AM SO GETTING THIS GAME.
wow. that brought tears to my eyes.
Did I miss something? Guess somebody posted something unsavory.
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Anyway, Shivam? You lived ‘out in the sticks’ in Japan? I’ve never been to the country myself, but yeah, that pretty much reflects what I’ve heard. My understanding is that the out of the way towns and villages aren’t exactly the best places for foriegners there. (Though in fairness, the same could as easily be said of here in the U.S.)
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I think it really boils down to one’s expectations. As you said, Shivam, a lot of would-be otaku-types go to Japan expecting this shining land where everything is perfect. This is why it’s good to ground oneself in reality and temper one’s expectations. Even with what I know, I would still like to see the place one day.
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Researching a place outside of your niche interests is a good thing, kids.
Sk8ter Boi or whatever is the epitome of vapid pop, but jeez does it look like it’ll be fun to play. I have no idea what the songs were actually *about* in the original Ouendan, but I’m sure some of them couldn’t have been any worse. If there’s anything that out-elites game, anime or movie fans, it’s definitely the music fans.
I also felt the Fallout Boy song was fun to dance to in DDR Supernova. That’s not that weird, is it?
I’ve never really understood the anger directed toward localization. It’s a necessary evil… when you’ve got a cultural divide as wide as the one between America and Japan, you’ve got to do more to your games than just translate the text. Some concepts just don’t have a Western equivalent.
If you still question the need for localization, watch a few of the episodes of Milk-Chan that were shown on Adult Swim. It was a straight translation, with constant references to Japanese trends and politicians, and as such it made absolutely no sense.
JR
I guess you could also include Crayon Shin Chan. The show was rewritten for the dub, but what we got was downright hilarious. Too bad they don’t seem interested in bringing us anymore episodes, or even doing reruns anytime soon.
by the time i went to japan, i was already past my japanophilia, so i was able to distance the reality from my image of it. I definately knew a lot of disillusioned types out there though. As for where i was, it was about an hour north of tokyo–close enough to the city that i could go there regularly, but still far enough away that it was a village atmosphere.
discoalucard: Fun to dance to doesn’t make you weird. Praising the chart would, but maybe I just don’t know the song well enough.
Dammit Kevin, now I’m going to be humming the Pi-ta-go-ra Su-i-chi theme all day long. Thanks a lot!
ProTip: The Pythagora Switch videos are just as entertaining with the sound turned off.
(mostly for Shivam) Joe, still in Ibaraki, here… your experiences will probably make you appreciate something that happened here last weekend. One of the new ALTs in my town is a vegetarian, and we asked at a festival if their yakisoba had meat in it. The response? “No, no meat in it at all! We used sausage instead!” … >_
dude. yaki anything is guaranteed to be meat. hell, anything not made by your own hands is guaranteed to be meat =)
I went on a high school trip to Japan a few years ago. Half my class were the glossy eyed otaku you speak of (and we were high-school kids…the terror). And so am I, really. I was in our school anime club at the time, though my taste leaned more toward Trigun and Cowboy Bebop, and you can imagine how a nearly all-high-school-girl group would want to watch Cowboy Bebop as opposed to Ceres: Celestial Legend.
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Anyway, these so-called “Japanophiles” constantly complained about their homestays, about Japan-related activities we had to do at the high school, about going to temples, and about everything that didn’t have to do with buying rare items of otaku culture. When we went to the atomic bomb memorial museum, these people were the first to complain about having to go through all the exhibits. “Why do we have to be here?” “Why do we have to feel all guilty for this?” And then I realized: They don’t seem to care about Japan – not interested enough to see how the culture they love rose out of the ashes of mass firebombings and nuclear weapons – and they didn’t seem to want to be anywhere besides shopping malls. What was the point?
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That being said, I still combed Akihabara for a Seiken 3 cart (and got it!) I was also executed for leaving a long, rambling comment.