Symphony of the Lite

I spent the whole stupid day surfing the Internet with Opera on a DS Lite. That has borne two important results: (1) I hate the Internet now more than ever, and (2) I’ve written about it. Surfing on Opera, I mean. My hatred of the Internet is the subtext of everything I write.

I do believe that may be my first ever not-work-safe article, ever. That’s right, boobies. So please Digg it so it will be popular and I can keep my job… at least, until I’m driven away by this thing:

That’s the view from the office window right across from my desk — this ten-story tower of anger features a gas-powered piston that it slams into the ground every two seconds for hours at a time with both explosive noise and enough force to make our building tremble. It’s sort of annoying. In fact, the only thing more annoying is the fact that everyone in the office screams about how annoying it is the minute it starts, and continues for up to an hour after it’s finished. It’s like they’re all offended that there’s actually something more shrill and irritating than themselves and do their very best to one-up it. Mission accomplished, guys. You can knock it off, now.

28 thoughts on “Symphony of the Lite

  1. Geez.

    That’s almost as bad as the homeless people who come into my (part-time) Starbucks job to steal tips. Actually, I’d rather contend with a wrecking ball than a pee-pee stained hobo.

  2. “Hardcore PSP owners are quick to remind us that while the Nintendo DS may have a more impressive software library than their system of choice, it totally can’t play MP3s or play movies or surf the web.”

    Actually these came into work a few weeks ago:

    Looks like you can do the whole media thing on your DS, either with your existing PSP memory stick or a 4 gig harddrive that actually costs more than the DS itself…

  3. Caution: Constructive criticism, for a moment…

    That’s some good work there, very detailed, although between the aura of negativity directed at both this and the PSP browser, I kind of wish they had someone who didn’t own a laptop writing the thing. Since there are a lot of poor students who can’t afford laptops, it would have been nice if there was a conclusion other than that you prefer your Apple lapzilla. I think we all knew that was the case before we clicked the link.

    Of course, this is more criticism leveled toward your boss than you, although I’m not sure if anyone at a tech-oriented publishing company DOESN’T own a laptop anymore. Still, it’s about knowing the audience.

    Aa–and I’m done. *steps off soapbox, zips up pants*

  4. It has nothing to do with owning a laptop — Opera on DS (and the PSP browser) is completely terrible and a poor substitute for a real computer, which I’m fairly certain anyone needs access to before they can read that article. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to suffer through it, laptop or not.

  5. Your line about making the internet look like 1996 is apropriate. This is every experience I’ve had with a mobile web browser, and with my PSP. (The PSP does come in handy from time to time, when I don’t have my laptop with me or when my girlfriend is on the computer) They should specify what kind of internet experience you are likely to have. Like “equivilant to 14k dial-up” or “Surf the web like it was at the turn of the century”

    I would probally pick up something like this for the sheer nerdery of it, but only after I save up for one of those new Apple lapzillas

  6. Making Buffet DS Opera-friendly has always been priority #only since it started.

  7. Doesn’t the force from that thing shatter the windows of those cars parked not 20 feet away?

  8. San Francisco parking lots are built on a layer of delicious Jell-O to absorb the shock from earthquakes. And giant gas pistons.

  9. Living in Brooklyn, it’s usually preferable to carry around a PSP or DS when you need to check your email or craiglist at the coffee shop while out and about, rather than carrying around the PowerBook. The latter is bulkier, heavier, and one would be out a lot of cold hard cash if it were to be stolen. (Incidentally, the PSP was stolen last night, so there you are.)

  10. Reading the review, I can certainly see some use for DS (or PSP) web browsing depending on your needs. For instance, all last week I was studying MS documentation for a cert exam, and I was basically shackled to the laptop –if I wanted to take the documents with me to the gym, or while commuting, I had to print them out at the office. Since MSDN is almost entirely plain-text, using a light and portable (and most of all, inconspicuous)DS to browse it would’ve been a godsend, and the “whole page preview” feature on the lower screen would have added a bonus to navigating said text.
    But yeah, I doubt it would see much use beyond plain-text browsing, what with the Web being an increasingly media-heavy experience…
    (On the other hand, give me a DS-compatible version of Agent for mail and Usenet, and I’d only use the laptop at work.)

  11. Wouldn’t the Jell-O insultate the Ziff building as well? Just saying?

    Also, don’t promise DSboobs if you’re not going to deliver. I expect every cent I paid reading that article to be returned to me.

  12. I know its a bad name pun like a lot of the retail games have had, but maybe Opera DS stands for “Dialup Speed.”

  13. “Hey, at least the piston should keep the antlions away, amiright?”
    Yeah but it pisses off the Shai-Hulud something awful.

  14. That’s why I make sure to travel in the company of a Fremen at all times. Sure beats hitchhiking.

  15. I thought James Woods destroyed that amphibian cannon with his foolishness and pride.

  16. Remember that episode of the Simpsons where Ned Flandereseses’s house is knocked down by a hurricane and then everyone in town helps rebuild but then it falls down and then Ned goes off on everyone? Remember what he said to Moe? You should go check out that script.

  17. The review stated that it didn’t support Flash, but does it at least have some Java support? Just allowing me to play Nethack on my DS (even in a pathetically-crippled-by-Java-and-no-keyboard way) would almost make it worthwhile. Almost.

  18. No idea. I just did a random Google image search for some miscellaneous nudity-related terms and clicked one of the top results. I think there’s a little bit of the URL at the top for you to decipher if you’re that lonely.

  19. My last comment was a lame reference to the Final Fantasy movie.

    You know I’m that lonely. But heck, if you’re really, really desperate, there’s always wikipedia. Then it’ll be more like edutainment. Or… learnography. I don’t know.

  20. M&Ms seem like a recurring theme to describe videogames with you, Parish. And by recurring, I mean twice.

  21. Hey, I thought of another word for it! “Porknow” Get it? Por…know? Well, or I guess it could also be “pork, now” or something. I’m not sure how you could tell which one it is. I guess it depends on the context. Ok, I’ll just stick with learnography.

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