Sketchblog — July 5

Truth be told, I really hate pirates — they’re the most insipid form of “instant comedy” this side of, say, monkeys. (Needless to say, “Dead Man’s Chest” is going to be so very bad.) Maybe I’d like them better if they provided a useful public service, like this Pyre-ate:

Deliciousness would also serve as a redeeming trait.

34 thoughts on “Sketchblog — July 5

  1. I beg to differ. Pirates are a rather golden source of inane comedy. They at least tend to be more interesting, in my opinion, than the over use of ninjas. There’s only so many ways to repaint ‘Excessively deadly and powerful’ before all the jokes blend together.

    Pirates are already over the top and hammy, they are hardly a subtle source of humor and pop culture has robbed them of all historical accuracy, but one can do worse than the warbling charisma of Captain Hook.

    They make for great villains and anti-heroes so long as they’re taken a little deeper than tacking on ‘Arrr’ to the end of every sentence.

    Alot of people won’t agree with me, but I love pirates. They’re a gratingly cheesy form of comedy, yes, but one could say the same of say, ahm, puns.

  2. I want you to think carefully about what you’ve just written, young man. And think carefully about the unfortunate direction your life is going.

  3. Missed opportunities galore… No Pierat the pie tin sailing rat? Shame on you… FOREVER!!!

  4. Maybe pirates aren’t a great source of comedy, but they are an instant source of awesome.I liked the first Pirates of the Caribbean, so when you say “Dead Man’s Chest is going to be bad”, I hope you mean bad in the new sense of the word, meaning good, and not in the original sense of the word, meaning not good.

  5. ARGGHHHH! My eyes! My eyes!
    I had thought nothing could have been worse than the wookies. Unfortunately, I was wrong. As these pirates have just shown me.

  6. no, no, no. Mewd, take all you’ve said and apply it to zombies. then what you said is completely correct.

  7. I haven’t seen the first movie. One time I went to Disneyland, and I actually tried to ride the original… ride. But I couldn’t. The line was too long and my aunt was all “Hey, the line is too long”, so the witch told me not to go. God I hate my aunt for that. My greatest thrill was when I got to keep (read: stole) those flashy hotel keycards. I was 9, shut up.

  8. I dunno, there’s something to be said for Johnny Depp.

    Also, I’m sorry to say Parish, but a friend of mine beat you with ‘vampirate’ by about a week.

  9. Zombies are good too. The less infectious they are the more you have clumsy ambling undead.

    I’m easily amused.

  10. So Optimus Prime is a transforming pirateship/fireboat now? Which series is that? Following the theme of the thread Starscream is now a space shuttle/helicopter with a zombie Mountain Search and Rescue unit.

  11. I’m sorry to say Sheana, but the Internet beat your friend with ‘vampirate’ by … years.

  12. I’d like to go on the record as citing “THE PIRATES: in an adventure with scientists” as an utterly fantastic read. It’s pretty much an excercise in making fun of the popularity of pirates while creating an endearing cast of characters that don’t actually have names (just “Pirate Captain” and “Pirate with a scarf” and such). It’s also one of the only books to make me laugh out loud. While on a bus no less.

  13. You like turning things into food, it seems. Pirates, wookiees, hamsters… to a lesser, more subconscious extent, toasty frogs. I say you continue this line of thinking.

  14. Play Curse of Monkey Island. Dancing, singing pirates you can’t make shut up long enough to get any work done!

  15. I think you should try to re-introduce to the internet that list you made a while back of brand new insta-comedy icons. I think astronauts in particular, have a certian staying power. You may have to make them pirate astronauts, or ninja astronauts at first for them to catch on, but I think it could happen.

  16. Of course they did, Yes, I just felt like being a spoil-sport.

    I generally don’t care for pirates on the whole myself, Johnny Depp and The Pirates of Penzance are the only exceptions so far.

  17. Actually, the Castronaut was an attempt to make use of the insta-comedy list. Except I posted these in the wrong order so the impact was weakened.

  18. My favorite band is Tomm Hulett and the Butt Pirates. Have you ever heard their song “The Ballad of Bumpy Trot”? It brings tears to my eyes with its beauty!

  19. I have to admit, having seen it not more than two hours ago, that “Dead Man’s Chest” was actually pretty kick-ass. Better than the first one, by far. Evil seafood pirates on the big screen is love.

    But then again, I’m not nearly cool enough to hate the stuff I’m supposed to; so you may want to take my recommendation with a grain of salt.

  20. Yeah, I’m like h_m; I enjoyed PotC: Dead Man’s Chest, even though it’s probably uncool to do so or something. Oh, and I have to say… every time Bill Nighy (more or less) appeared on screen, I could almost SMELL him.

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