Duck ‘n’ cover

Oh geez, that stupid FFVII diatribe was slashdotted today. So much for keeping it, as they say, on the DL. These days, exists as a sort of separation of church and state kind of thing, so I can be an opinionated jerk about games without being fired, but now there’s no way my screed will be going unnoticed. Carless, this is your fault, and I expect a cushy job once the axe falls.

Actually, I doubt anything will come from this, but it should definitely make my Square Enix booth visit and interviews a lot more interesting come E3.

Speaking of E3, preparations are in full swing and I’m already considering a cyanide capsule to cut my suffering short, which means nothing much is happening with Issue Six at the moment. End of May is definitely the ship date, for shore.

P.S. Congrats to Kevin Cogger for coining the neologism “pokemonetize,” which has inexplicably generated about 200 Google hits for this site in the past 24 hours. I’m not entirely sure why people are suddenly so eager to search for it, but given that Kevin’s comment is the only search result that comes up I think it’s safe to say he has successfully invented his very own word. Well done.

Edit: Say guys, guess who wrote a Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin preview based entirely on second-hand information?

30 thoughts on “Duck ‘n’ cover

  1. Well, while you may have bashed square’s holy cash cow, you did shower praise on FFXII pretty heavily. Let’s just hope nobody notices your XIII comments.

  2. It wouldn’t do any good to, say, change the page that the rant is on, would it? It might at least deflect the truly lazy.

  3. If you talk to Square, can you tell them to please take the KHII commercial that plays 4 times an hour off of G4? I have’nt even started it yet and I’m already sick of the theme.

  4. Whatever, square deserves it. I say you avoid their booth entirely and spend all your e3 time with your foot planted firmly on the Regginators throat. Demand a US Mother 3 release, along with a 2d Metroid for the DS.

  5. Are they actually likely to eject you into space for having an opinion? Your employers, not Square, but I wouldn’t rule that out either.

  6. Oh lordy. So, have you perfected the AI to filter out gamer religious rants from your inbox? I fear you’ll be needing it; my condolences.

    Interestingly, the original blog reference cited by slashdot (at has a solid majority of commenters liking the piece.

  7. When I came across the Slashdot article, they made it sound like it was some kind of “official” thing (1up or whatever) and I read the comments before coming here.

    Wow. Just… wow.

    Now that I see it’s just your own personal blog, I can dig it. I don’t care for at all to be honest, but you’re pretty much the only person there that I read the articles and other things for. You did seem pretty harsh though, sounds like someone’s seriously tired of the FFVII nuts. :P

  8. Uhm, I’m still getting “Spam is not appreciated” when coming from bloglines.
    What causes your Spamblocker to block, even when no POST-data is submitted? That’s not only paranoid, that’s insane (and pointless).

  9. Hm, try it now. I’ve been pretty vigorous about quashing referrer spam because it was really bad for a while, but now I’ve decided to adopt the “close comments on older posts” approach rather than the “block phrases” technique.

  10. Love the FFVII commentary. I’ve been trying to tell people this for years. Good work.

  11. Some of those Slashdot comments were a hoot. They obviously took you out of context. You weren’t calling the game utter garbage; You were calling it mediocre and average, which is the absolute truth.

  12. The commenters generally didn’t seem too appreciative, even at the normal viewing level. More than one accused the article of being a “cry for attention”.

  13. Which is funny, because I specifically chose not to post it in my 1UP blog (which gets more traffic than in the hopes that it would get less attention here.

  14. This is awesome, as I think it’s safe to say that inventing a word used by a large group of people is one of my life goals. I wonder what purpose all those people could have in searching for it. Mysteries upon mysteries!

  15. Kevin, your new word is already the number #14 all-time referrer for the site… based on stats kept since Sept. 2001. Doubleplus well done.

  16. It’s amazing how a game like that can STILL polarize people. It’s been almost 10 years and people still defend that sucker to the death.

  17. Gosh, I’d love to create something clever. However, “pokemonize” was my best shot. I’m like Pepsi to Cogger’s Coke. Bummer. By the way, Castlevania: PR? That was funny.

  18. I’m so glad to find another FF6 fan (or at least someone who sees more value in it than the “bigger and better” FF7). I couldn’t agree more with what you said, I’ll keep an eye on that E3 stuff.

  19. Well, I’m glad that your FFVII review got disseminated, because otherwise it probably would’ve taken me many more months to come across it. I kind of liked FFVII– I guess you can file me under “firsties,” as I missed the 16-bit wave completely. Sorry, I was playing the guitar and dating girls for those years, I don’t know what came over me. But I snapped out of it eventually.

    What really resonated about your remarks was the way mordern shitty RPGs stretch out gameplay like it’s some kind of horrible, repetitive taffy. I don’t play many RPGs these days for that very reason– I can’t bring myself to invest 40+ hours in a single game anymore. I was actually very happy with Trace Memory, because the damn thing only took 5 hours to finish. (Granted, I DID pay $7.48 for it.) My most recent RPG experience has been Mario & Luigi Superstar Saga. It’s nice, but once I got about 8 hours in and realized that I’d have to cast about finding hidden doors and digging up nuts to unlock ALL THE SECRETS, I screamed and pretended to throw the GBA across the room.

  20. “Bah. People whipped into fury by the presence of a contrary opinion need a thicker skin. (This is coming from a bigtime FF7 fan, by the by.)”

    Whoops. That’s me, sorry.

  21. Gah, I suck at this. First I forgot my name on the last post, then do an edit post to correct it, and that’s the only one posted, making me look like a dork. D’oh to the tenth power.

  22. I actually did Monday’s Buffet before I read the FF7 crucifixion. The comic’s Toasty reference was meant to be silly, but now it’s true! I can tell the future, it seems. My future has a delicious sammich, no doubt.

  23. Slashdot comments are like alligator feeding frenzies; they’re gruesome, but you can’t help but peek from between your fingers. Not that I read the comments when something of mine is noted on the site. They make me cry.

    I don’t know why RPG articles are indicated with a sprite of Tellah and Edward, but I love it.

  24. Well, if there’s any game out there you could throw a stone at and potentially make a lot of obsessively devoted fan-nerds get red in the face and crimp their fragile boney fingers up into something resembling fists, it would without much doubt be Final Fantasy VII. I’m sure the reason why the backlash hasn’t been so intense is because FFVII came out like 10 years ago. Although I’m not sure what other game you could write a firey diatribe about with the potential to stir up the largest possibility of thoughtless slobbering fanaticals.

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