I had this completely great dream the other night. I know, I know, blogging about dreams is only slightly less annoying than blogging about your cats. (I can do that too, if you’d like — my parents have two new kittens that… uh… never mind.) But this dream was totally and completely the creative blueprint the Star Trek series needs to become a viable property again.
Entitled Star Trek: Destroyager, this new series would follow the exploits of a Federation demolitions crew as they travel from planet to planet, making contact with the indigenous peoples, engaging in mellow debate about non-interference and ethics, and generally dealing in situations whose primary dramatic points could be encapsulated and resolved within a 60-minute time slot.
And then, at the end of each episode, they’d destroy the planet of the week.
So basically, it’s your standard Star Trek nonsense, except utterly brilliant. Paramount Pictures: I grant you this idea free of charge, this wonderful idea that will turn your crappy stinking Star Trek franchise into something people want to watch again. All I ask is that you name the chief engineer after me.
21 thoughts on “How Star Trek Got Its… ah, forget it”
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I kinnae do it, Parish! The planet, she just won’t blow!
Sounds like the Bizarro Prime Directive!
As long as we get to see people running around on fire, and the horrified look on people’s faces as massive shockwaves tear into the cities it’ll be great. :)
The Prime Directive of Destroyager is one of non-interference with developing culture… except when it yields totally sweet carnage. Also I seem to recall the Destroyager crew impounding Darth Vader’s car for double-parking, but that’s neither here nor there.
I hate to say this–mainly because it involves admitting to seeing far too many episodes of Lexx–but you just described the plot of Lexx.
Hell, I like blog posts about cats better than the average blog post.
If Star Trek is just going to be all action and combat, why not just make a Star Wars series. Trek needs to cool off for several years so Paramount can take a step back and see what Trek should do next.
Blogging about kittens is *never* a sin. As long as kitten-romp pictures are included.
That’s like the Star Trek: Red Tide idea someone had. Where the space ship the show takes place on constantly gets over-populated so each plot revolves around dressing up a bunch of their crew in red shirts and beaming them down to a hostile planet where they all end up dying. I’d make a joke about it being one episode a month, but that would be plain old tasteless and gross.
Hahaha, this is awesome.
As long as the captain is a young asian man named Tetsuo everything will be fine.
Anyone want some Silent Hill clips? http://www.themoviebox.net/movies/2006/STUVWXYZ/Silent-Hill/trailer.php
Am I the only one that finds weird that Parish dreams of Star Trek? Also: Am I the only one here who hated that show and its spin-offs?
“I kinnae do it, Parish! The planet, she just won’t blow!” — Tomm
Tell her it’s the only way she’ll ever see her children again. Oh, and I agree, more kitten pictures would really liven this place up. And for once, I’m not just saying that because some sick and deviant fetish compels me.
Well, I had this idea about a series. It would be called “Star Wars: Invasion of the rebellious androids” in which a young Han Solo starts his career as a space pirate who at only ten years of age shoots first and asks questions later. It would star a CG version of the kid from The 6th Sense and also a computer generated Webster as the young Lando Calrisian. It would be awesome. In the first episode young Han Solo recruits an army of Ewoks to terrorize the Empire and its inhabitants! Awesome!
Perhaps this young Solo would employ several species, stored within small capsules, as a means of fighting other space pirates. Chewbacca would be the one who refused to be stored, but remained his most trusted and fierce companion. I can see it on screen: “Jawasaur, I choose you!”, Han would shout. And then there would be toys modeled after these super-deformed Star Wars Han Solo pets. I’m sure Lucas would be comfortable with that. He’s probably been thinking of a way to Pokémonize Star Wars for years anyway. I can’t imagine why he hasn’t done it yet. It’s so… milkable.
I think the neologism we need is pokemonetize. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s written on a whiteboard in Nintendo somewhere.
Yeah. Almost as enticing as a Star Wars sitcom. It’s a pity that Lucas is undoubtedly lacking the creative insight to recognize the brilliance of making a show titled That’s My Wookie.
Han Solo: Hi, my name is Han, I’m single and I live with my parents.
Chewbacca: Whaaoooo! (I’m Chewbacca)
See, this is why I like you guys. I plant the germ of an idea; you give it flesh. P.S. Confidential to “GATSU”: if you’re that eager to stir up conversation about things that have nothing to do with the topic at hand, you’re welcome to go develop your own site.
Episode 114: Chewbacca takes the field
(last five minutes of episode begins with this)
“The punting team is called onto the field! It looks like the punter is… Chewbacca!”
Chewbacca: GWWAAHHHHGGHHHH!!! (flails arms wildly)