Cartoon networking

30 September 07 | 16:17 | Posted by:

This week's anime release list is up, courtesy of Mightyblue. This week is of particular interest because it sees the first volume of Welcome to the N.H.K. Vol. 1, which I will be picking up despite its indescribably horrible (and completely unrepresentative of the contents) cover. Man, between this and The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, it's almost as though I like anime. Consider these the exceptions to the rule.

Funny story time -- toastyfrog.com will soon be a working domain again, rather than simply a redirect. People have wondered why I abanoned the URL by which most people know this site, and my standard answer -- because I'm sick of people referring to me as "toastyfrog," or "tfrog," or "the frog," or whatever -- was actually only partly true. I mean, yes, I do think of you as a slack-jawed moron who wallows in human excrement as a hobby if you call me by the name of my site, but the real truth is that I switched webhosts a while back and couldn't update the nameserver info for toastyfrog.com to correspond to the new location. My domain registration login info vanished, and the Yahoo! email address with which I had last updated the domain back in 2001 had expired, leaving me no way to update nameservers. (Yes, there are other recourses, but none of them would work for me, either. It's hilarious, in a very stupid way.) Yesterday the toastyfrog.com domain actually expired, which prompted me to make one final attempt to try to access the old email address. Turns out it had finally been inactive for so long that I was able to re-register it... meaning that at any point, anyone could have come along and hijacked the domain name simply by registering the address before I could. I guess you guys missed your chance.

Anyway, it may be a few days or a few months, but this means you can set your bookmarks back to toastyfrog.com again, although I will still think of the site as GameSpite. Just don't call me toastyfrog (or t-frog, or etc.)... unless, of course, you actually are a sub-retard who eats his own filth and don't care who knows it.

category: blog | forums | 31 comments | §

Mystic rhythms

26 September 07 | 21:30 | Posted by:

Holy snot, I'm burned out. The combination of TGS, jetlag and blasting through as much Halo 3 as possible in order to hit the review deadline has left me a total zombie. I went to work today and stared vacantly into space, which you might be surprised to learn is actually not my normal state of existence. I even did the inthinkable: I came home early and took a nap. Man, I must be getting old.



Today's article is a Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest review which is actually quite a bit more positive than you might expect. So... read it and be awed, I guess. Or just read it. You'll be glad you did! Probably.

Also, I was very disappointed in the Blues who joined in my carefully-conceived efforts to use Forge to create a 3D platformer and transformed it into a warzone. Some people have no appreciation for the finer things in life.

category: games | forums | 24 comments | §

Gripe about this

25 September 07 | 19:37 | Posted by:

Well! Yesterday's posted article prompted much anger and debate. I will leave that to everyone else to sort out. Meanwhile, here are three articles for you to become enraged about:

• This week's game releases: Because Halo 3 isn't the only game ever made, honest.
  
• This week's DVD releases: Because Knocked Up is actually really funny, honest.
  
• This week's anime releases: Because, uh... I dunno. Because you want to be Japanese?

I'm having a slightly annoying time readjusting to being back in the States. Between jetlag and having to cram through Halo 3 for a review, my sleep schedule is a disaster. And I had the time correction planned out so well, too. Plus, I keep standing on the wrong side of the escalator. And that fat wad of yen in my wallet isn't doing anyone any good.

category: blog | forums | eight comments | §

Back in action

24 September 07 | 13:19 | Posted by:

Like spice, the GameSpite content must flow! Let us begin by harshin' the 'tards responsible for Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles.



I did not write this article, but I fully endorse its conclusion: FFCC was a great idea ruined by certain money-grubbing requirements. I am, however, holding out hope for Rings of Fate.

And now I go forage for lunch. Between my haute cuisine dinner a month ago and my week of excellent Tokyo cuisine, I think I've been spoiled for just about every option I have near the office.

category: games | forums | 45 comments | §

Perfect timing

23 September 07 | 20:45 | Posted by:

I've always had an inexplicable knack for being able to fit my endeavors into a limited amount of time. Back in school, I'd always procrastinate getting around to my homework until the last moment, yet always managed to complete my assignments right at the last possible moment without cutting corners. It's good to know I haven't quite lost that knack yet; yesterday (or is that "this morning"? I always get confused with these 35-hour days coming back from Tokyo) I managed to put the wraps on my 26th and final TGS write-up as the flight crew was making a final call for boarding. Standing there holding my laptop in one hand as I drifted toward the gate and frantically waited for our content management system to register the upload somehow seems a fitting conclusion to the trip... even if the preview in question was for Halo 3, which is a fine game (I can now say with authority) but frankly isn't the sort of thing I go all the way to TGS for.

Please consider my Game Center CX preview as a sort of karmic balance.

For my last-minute posting efforts, though, I ended up being pulled aside by airport security for a bag check. I wish American security were as mellow as Japan's -- the lady barely glanced through my overstuffed bag and even let me off the hook on the shoe check when she saw that my shoes laced more than halfway up my lower leg. Her horrified gasp of "Ahh! Never mind!" at the sight of my laces was in itself worth the trip.

The Game Center CX game, by the way, is total love. I went back to the Bandai Namco booth after my write-up to check out some of the other faux retro titles on display at the other kiosks; Cosmic Gate was a great Galaga alike, but no more impressive than the Dragon Quest-alike (Guardia Quest), the Star Soldier clone (Space Prince), the Jajamaru-kun knock-off (Haguruman), the imitation R.C. Pro-Am.... And so forth. It's basically a giant, wonderful pastiche of the NES/Famicom era, complete with "scans" of imaginary period game magazines. The game based on the show so good it inspired its own cosplay!


It was not, however, game of the show. That was... wait for it -- Bumpy Trot 2.

No, seriously. More on that next time, I guess. (Oh, and I guess MGS4 was pretty good, too.)

category: blog | forums | six comments | §

So, uh

22 September 07 | 20:08 | Posted by:

It looks like my plan to blog a lot and post content while in Tokyo hasn't really panned out. I know everything thinks TGS is like a crazy awesome vacation, but that's really only true of the first day here (which we enjoy casually as a means to adjust to the time difference, thus allowing us to function at the actual event we're here to cover). Once the show begins, we pretty much spend every waking moment either standing in line for an hour to play three minutes of a game, interviewing people or writing about those interviews and three-minute gameplay experiences. By my count, I've penned 25 previews in the past few days, many of which were based on 90 second of video roll. My ability to b.s. based on practically nothing has been expended for a while.

I'll be back home soon, at which point I jump immediately onto a Halo 3 review for as long as I can manage before falling asleep in front of the TV. Once I'm back on American time and have my reviews out of the way, though, it'll be business as usual.

In the meantime, I've just uploaded about 150 photos from the show floor and yesterday's brief excursion back into Tokyo proper (such as it is) to my Flickr stream. (You can add me to your buddy list there, but I'm actually only using Flickr until OS X 10.5 arrives next month and I can use iPhoto to seamlessly upload stuff to .Mac.) Start at page nine and move backward toward page one to get a roughly chronological sense of my past few days. Of course, none of these images have any sort of context; I will be providing that in upcoming blogs. Consider this a raw preview. Or hold off and avoid spoilers! Erm.

And remember:


Always blame Calorie Mate.

category: blog | forums | six comments | §

Bloof

19 September 07 | 06:45 | Posted by:

After running across the entirety of Tokyo today, I am much too tired (and busy writing up the games we looked at) to actually post a blog. I can't even upload today's photos to my flickr thing because the camera transfer cable is in my suitcase, which I had to ship to our new hotel and won't arrive until tomorrow. I do, however, have time to throw up this link:



because I had the good sense to edit the article while I was on the plane a few days ago. I is an genius.

Today was stressful and tiring, but fulfilling: I currently have the high score on the ancient Xevious machine at the coin-op museum in Bandai Namco's headquarters in Shinagawa.

category: games | forums | 18 comments | §

Japan makes me sick

18 September 07 | 05:57 | Posted by:

Well, no, not Japan. I think it was all the diseased freaks on the plane. In any case, this is a really crappy time to be ill! I did manage to find time to publish two of this week's regular release columns, though:





The games release column is almost ready, but we're having a little trouble sorting out some of the formatting. And, in that most bittersweet of situations which is often erroneously referred to as "ironic," my being off in another country writing about games means I haven't had time to fix it. So... consider it unofficially published.

category: blog, film, games | forums | eight comments | §

Mendelly challenged

17 September 07 | 15:08 | Posted by:

Yeah, OK, no more mocking liveblogs here. Today we focus on more important things, i.e. reader-submitted reviews of obscure NES games. That is what the public demands! That is what the public shall get.

(Also, I figure I should do my Tokyo blogging in my 1UP blog, since they paid my way here.)



In this case, Mendel Palace, an NES game that flew so far beneath the radar what I've not only never played it but I actually have no clue whatsoever as to what it's about. For all I know, wumpwoast made up the entire thing.

I leave determining the veracity or fallaciousness of his review as an exercise for the reader.

category: games | forums | twelve comments | §

Exclusive!! Liveblogging TGS 2007 prep!

16 September 07 | 08:25 | Posted by:

Yes, you read it here exclusively -- in-depth details on what goes into the making of a TGS trip!



Saturday | 8:23 p.m.
Man, gotta do some laundry or this is gonna be one rank trip. The weather in Japan is supposed to be up in the 80s all week, which could be a problem! I only have clothes for San Francisco, where the high is only ever about 70.

Saturday | 9:10 p.m.
Daaaaang that drier needs some oiling. You can hear it squeaking down the block.

Saturday | 10:43 p.m.
I wish my neighbors wouldn't let their creepy cat have free run of the common areas. It acts all clingy and friendly when I wash my clothes and then bites me if I pet it. Stupid monster.



Sunday | 7:50 a.m.
OK, all packed. I'm taking my tiny bag this year, and it is absolutely stuffed with essentials. This will prevent me from wasting money on stupid frivolities. I still have TG16 games from last year that I haven't even touched yet. It's pretty dumb. Stupid consumerist conditioning.



Sunday | 8:10 a.m.
OK, gotta go soon, but my shoes are all falling apart. Guess it's time to break out the secret weapon: The hidden ToastyShoes. Japan is not ready for this.

Sunday | 8:24 a.m.
You know, liveblogging trivial non-events is the worst thing to come from the Internet ever.

Post continued after link >>

category: blog | forums | 17 comments | §

You got your satan in my pinball

15 September 07 | 16:22 | Posted by:

One quick article before I vamoose for Japan: Devil's Crush, which combines the age-old teenage traditions of skipping class to play pinball and doodling devil imagery on your school book covers. Actually, I did neither, and I didn't really hang out with the people who did. Which is, I suppose, why Devil's Crush works so well: Vicarious slackerdom.

My next post will most likely be written at the Hotel Excel in Shibuya. I will think of you all as I sit in a cramped airline seat eating horrible microwaved food.

category: games | forums | 17 comments | §

Cold as ice

14 September 07 | 00:01 | Posted by:

I guess I'm not really surprised that some people misconstrued yesterday's NHK review and its harsh criticism of a very specific breed of manga/anime junkie as a diatribe against anyone who enjoys anything from Japan. Which is silly. Not everything is an ad hominem attack, kids, and not everything is about you. Sure, this paragraph is, but really that's about it.



Anyway! Today sees the addition of another Virtual Console review to the site -- this time for NES Ice Hockey, which apparently is better than I give it credit for or something. I dunno. I guess the multiplayer requirement is what kills it for me. You know, since I hate other people or whatever.

category: games | forums | ten comments | §

Welcome to the MELANCHOLY

13 September 07 | 00:01 | Posted by:

Uh, whoops. Welcome to the NHK Volume 4 just showed up in the mail, which made me realize I've never gotten around to reviewing the third volume. I've had this placeholder entry sitting around waiting to be filled out ever since it first arrived... three months ago. (Compare this entry's ID number with the one before it!) But somehow, I never never got around to writing the text. Whoops. No time like the present to, uh, do what I should have done months ago. Right? Right. Yeah.



Things have changed since I last wrote about NHK. Or rather, my awareness of things has changed. Some of the magical uniqueness of the series has been rubbed away by the friction of my exposure to other manga and anime; the series' pointed social commentary seems ever-so-slightly dulled now that I've discovered that just about every comic and cartoon to come from Japan these days is also about nerd culture.

Review behind the cut >>

Yes, I write things for this site, too.

category: film, manga | forums | 34 comments | §

Between two planets

12 September 07 | 10:05 | Posted by:

And now for something complete different. Well, OK, something very much in keeping with the rest of the site. Governor Guycot is growing impatient while you make your way to his desert fortress on Route 33 and decided to kill some time with a brief foray into New Games Journalism. His New Games Topic: EarthBound.



So while you muddle around talking to the skeleton of your murdered friend in some godforsaken cave somewhere, he's getting all rose-tinted. At least someone is being productive. (Hint: it ain't you.)

I can tell I'm growing anxious about next week's Tokyo Game Show foray. (I always have anxiety about air travel -- right up until the moment I actually get on the plane, at which point I'm totally fine. It's probably just well-justified fear of dealing with the chicanery of DHS.) This time it's interrupting my sleep: I dreamed that TGS was reimagined as a county fair this year, and Square showed off a terrible new Final Fantasy VII spin-off called FFVII: Item Battle. Their PR guys confided to me that Item Battle was designed as a showcase for the PS3's graphics capabilities, but they'd forgotten to make an interesting game -- the demo consisted of the player's party lining up opposite the TURKS, taking turns throwing inventory items at each other. Eventually they ran out of inventory and resorted to chucking corn cobs that showgoers had left on the ground.

It was uncannily realistic, and I fully expect to have that exact experience one week from today.

category: games | forums | 19 comments | §

Echoes with the sound of salesmen

11 September 07 | 11:17 | Posted by:

The weekly game release column arrives once again in the nick of time to prevent you from spending your money on Math Fun. No sense in pretending. I know you were tempted.

Also of note: Due to the ludicrous amount of arterial spray in the leaked screens from Ninja Gaiden 2....



...the series will henceforth be known as "Ninja Geyser."

category: games | forums | fourteen comments | §

The words of the profits are written on the studio walls

10 September 07 | 22:29 | Posted by:

This week's DVD release column is now online after a very slight delay due to some email problems. But I'm sure we can all agree it was so totally worth the wait, yes? My person highlight this week? Dead or Alive. And by "personal highlight" I mean "title that most makes me want to stab my own eyes in despair."

But dire as this week's videos may be, I think we can all agree that the latest batch of Fun Club selections offers a little something for everyone. We bid farewell to Metroid Prime 3, which seems to have run its course a few days ago, and move along to the so-called "Halostravaganza." This involves two campaign mode threads, one dedicated to Halo: Combat Evolved and one to Halo 2. It should not be mistaken for the "Halotonydanza," although we do have a multiplayer discussion thread in case you feel the need to show your online peers who's the boss. For those who detest shooters, or Halo specifically, you can instead chime in at the Lolo alternate discussion thread. It should be noted that while "Lolo" is spelled very similarly to "Halo," it is in fact a very different game.

Now. Talk amongst yourselves.

category: film, games | forums | eleven comments | §

Riviera raid

10 September 07 | 11:49 | Posted by:

I liked Riviera: The Promised Land when I played it a few years ago. It was gimmicky and sometimes a bit on the clichéd side, sure, but generally speaking it was an RPG created by people who really understood the needs of the portable gaming experience and streamlined their title accordingly. Now GameSpite contributor-at-large bobservo breaks down Sting's design decisions to explain why it all works so well. What a champ.

Also, thanks to reibeatall's Talking Tyrants clan, I have experienced a zen epiphany in which I finally grasped the secret to enjoying Halo 2's multiplayer: Completely ignore the game objectives, and play with people who don't care that you don't care. Turns out the game is much more fun when you do your level best to come in last every time.

category: games | forums | seven comments | §

Risky boots

09 September 07 | 16:01 | Posted by:

This site has had a rocky relationship with anime. Once upon a time, in an era best forgotten, it played host to an entire section of anime reviews. The Thumbnail Theatres got their start as a good-natured poke at Evangelion's excesses (not the vicious skewering that overly-sensitive fantards assume). Then something terrible happened: Anime became popular in America.

This wasn't a turn-off in the snooty "I liked you better before you sold out" sense; rather, it was simply an unwelcome revelation. Turns out that when anime was a tiny little niche, only the best content made it stateside. But once the floodgates opened, Sturgeon's Law kicked into effect and sorting the small amount of good content from the majority of crap became an impossible task. It even tainted all the things that had once seemed so good -- all the seemingly clever ideas that set anime apart from the clichés and formulas of its American counterparts were suddenly revealed to be little more than a different culture's clichés and formula.

Ignorance is bliss, and I've let myself become blissfully ignorant of the anime scene. I tried to catch up a few months ago by helping start an after-hours anime viewing group at the office, but after a few weeks I had to drop out because all the annoyances of the medium overwhelmed the good things. So I'm not really sure why I gave the GameSpite writer's guild the go-ahead to begin writing up anime. I guess I'm just that crazy. Plus, I have their word that this stuff is pretty good.



So, we kick off with Mightyblue's "anime worth watching" column and a look at Scrapped Princess. Which, it would seem, is indeed worth watching. He's also put together the first edition of an anime release list counterpart for the weekly DVD and game columns, since VsRobot doesn't really have time or space to deal with anime releases.

Brace yourself for this brave new era. It could get scary.

category: film | forums | 18 comments | §

Cool but rude

08 September 07 | 10:23 | Posted by:

This hazy near-autumn morning brings with it a single new Virtual Console review: TMNT, aka "That cartoon franchise you're inexplicably fond of despite not actually liking anything it's created." Or maybe that's just me.



It also brings with it a new promo link style as part of my ongoing effort to improve the appearance of the site without actually putting any real effort into it. Oh, and it also brings my landlord and a plumber, knocking at our door way too early on a Saturday morning. Thanks for repairing the hot water pressure, but zzzzzz.

category: games | forums | sixteen comments | §

...and I feel fine?

06 September 07 | 21:14 | Posted by:

Today was orange. The light, I mean. The usual yellow-ish glare of the noon sun was a deep amber, all day long. I've heard it was due to smoke and haze from some brush fires a few hundred miles away, but even knowing that didn't make it any less eerie. So, I figured that since it looked like the end of the world outside, I should do something suitably apocalyptic and play my first-ever online game of Halo 2, courtesy of some of the Talking Time crew. Verdict: I'm really terrible at killing other people. I guess that's good to know in the event I'm ever falsely accused of murder.

But what is the deal with no one besides me playing as an Elite? Spartans are totally passé, guys.



Also on tap for "signs of the apocalypse": a review of a Game Boy Mega Man game that just might be on par with the second and third NES installments. At least, that's what wumpwoast posits. I dunno, pretty soon cats are gonna be hanging out with dogs and stuff. I'm not liking the way things are shaping up right now.

category: games | forums | sixteen comments | §

Link's excellent adventure, or not

06 September 07 | 09:37 | Posted by:

Zelda II is like a lightning rod for controversy over its respective series. Any debate of the quality of any given Zelda game almost inevitably degenerates into a debate over whether or not the second game was any damn good, or not.

"Well, Twilight Princess may be long and drawn out, but at least it doesn't suck like Zelda II."

"You take that back right now or I'll punch your mom."

Yes, the game has many detractors, and quite a few raving fans who will defend its honor to the death. But which is Bob Mackey? A lover, or a fighter? I guess you will have to read his Virtual Console write-up to find out.



Science tells me you have a fifty percent chance of disagreeing with this article.

category: games | forums | 23 comments | §

Still unhappy

05 September 07 | 04:40 | Posted by:

Let's consider today's update an extension of yesterday's Final Fantasy VII anniversary commemoration: marking the occasion with tangential pain and suffering.



"But Parish," you say, "what does Kirin's Granstream Saga retrospective have to do with Final Fantasy VII? Come on, dude, that's a stretch."

But is it? Is it really? I say thee nay. Granstream is absolutely perfect as a representation of the ruin FFVII wrought upon the RPG genre. No, despite some tongue-in-cheek remarks in that FFVII article I wrote last year, I don't actually blame the game for everything bad in the world. Still, you can't deny that it marked the beginning of an unpleasant new era of RPG aesthetics, in which perfectly good concepts that had worked in the 16-bit generation were transformed into cold, soulless, often unplayable disasters in the rush to match Square's technical proficiency. That is Granstream Saga in a nutshell -- a pitiful, joyless excuse for a follow-up to Quintet's brilliant Super NES trilogy (that is, SoulBlazer, Illusion of Gaia and Terranigma).

So read. Read, and be woeful.

category: games | forums | eleven comments | §

Unhappy anniversary

04 September 07 | 13:03 | Posted by:

Today marks the 10th anniversary of Final Fantasy VII's U.S. release, approximately. I say "approximately" because the game was supposed to arrive on 9/7/97 but everyone more or less jumped the collective gun and released it early. Some areas started selling on the 3rd, while my local Babbage's waited until the 4th to ensure that I was a day behind everyone else on the Internet and could have all the important twists spoiled for me well in advance of my actually getting there.

Me, I already wrote a loving tribute to the game some time ago and have little else to add. But Square Enix has upped the ante in fine style, marking the occasion by desecrating the few good things still associated with FFVII. I mean, my article wasn't especially nice, but SE's being downright vicious. Apparently Dirge of Cerberus and Advent Children weren't enough, because now Tobal No. 1 -- the underappreciated 3D fighter that played the "Zone of the Enders" role for the FFVII demo -- is getting a punch right in the babymaker.



See, Tobal is coming back -- great news for fans of the company's bygone days of risk-taking and innovation. Oh, but it's coming to... mobile phones. As "Tobal M." This comes just a few months after the debut of Parasite Eve 3, a long-hoped-for sequel to the shallow-but-innovative "cinematic RPG" about killing a mutant woman covered in melty breasts. Two PS1 gems revived, and you will never be able to play them, you stupid American with your stupid underpowered phone. Besides, even if you could, you'd hate the experience, because even Japanese cell phones lack a game-friendly interface. Really, it's a lose-lose situation for everyone... except Square Enix, who can chalk up another victory for antipathy toward gamers.

You can rest assured that sooner or later Square's going to unveil Dew Prism Mobile, Einhänder 2 and -- why not? -- ActRaiser 3. All for cell phones. And on that day, we will all rise up and crush them with our collective nerd rage. (Or post persnickety comments on forums, which is almost as dangerous. Almost.)

category: games | forums | 17 comments | §

It's like a mini-Retro Roundup, except not

03 September 07 | 18:44 | Posted by:

My schedule doesn't seem to be particularly compatible with writing Retro Roundups lately, but no matter! Our good friend M. Nicolai has taken a moment to write up the biggest title of this week's releases.

No, not Landstalker. Uh, not Bonk 3, either. Or Adventure Island.

Right, I'm talking about Donkey Kong Jr. Math.



Yeaaaaaah. If you read only one review this year, make it this one. Then you can spend the rest of the year wondering, "Why would I ever even consider buying Donkey Kong Jr. Math?" It is a question that will haunt you for years!

category: games | forums | nine comments | §

Postcards from the nerds

02 September 07 | 11:25 | Posted by:

Gamespite may play host to the Internet's smallest and least influential interactive community -- no slight to everyone, of course, simply an acknowledgement of the fact that we have not, as yet, changed the world in any way -- but it is a community nonetheless. And as such, it generates content. Content worth reading, as it happens.

This week's release list features are available for you to puruse now, at which point you will probably decide you can't be bothered with the actual releases covered. The latest batch of game releases is a post-apocalyptic wasteland, and the week's new DVDs are looking equally grim. It's a pretty awful week. (The way the nightly news is painting an increasingly grim picture of a world hurtling toward self-destruction, you'd think everyone would step it up to squeeze our money from us before the economy collapses and turns America into a land of destitute sharecroppers, but no.)

Meanwhile, over in the land of Fun Club, where everything is fun and club-like, today sees the debut of two new selections. First is the monthly RPG, which contrary to popular demand is Chrono Trigger. Actually, there was no popular demand, or at least not a concensus thereof. So I decided to play it safe with something universally regarded as awesome (except among horrible monsters who have lost the ability to feel love). And the week's alternate selection is Super Mario World, chosen for its wide-open game map and incredibly flexible level structure. I'm hoping a few people choose to tear through the shortest route while others go for the thorough approach and transform all the bad guys into pumpkins and fake Marios.

So please do take part in our tiny community. It is insignificant, but we are full of brotherly love. Or at least a high level of fixation on touchstones of nerd culture.

category: blog | forums | six comments | §