This is the archive, folks. The current stuff is on the main page.

Back to Lite

30 March 06 | 22:31 | Posted by:

So I guess now that my DS Lite is finally in hand, I should really update my Friend Codes. Here's what I've got:

Mario Kart DS: 0473-1280-7788
Tetris DS: 3595-2100-5993
Metroid Prime Hunters: 4209-7496-2722

You'll notice a lack of Animal Crossing on that list. This is by design; after playing an hour each day for six weeks, I swore off the game in an effort to reclaim my life. No MMO will ever claim me, even if it's disguised as a flower-growing simulator.

Anyway, I'm sort of buried beneath work at the moment, gurgling in despair at the crushing load of my full-time work, plus writing a good half of the next issue of Pocket Games, plus producing an ungodly number of FFXII previews (still)... and then there's the 1UP cover story on its way soon, the bulk of responsibility for which has been dumped in my lap. I know, whine whine whine. The point is: once all of that is out of the way, I'm totally going to start demanding you people play Mario Kart and Tetris with me. The Lite has an effect similar to that of the GB Micro in that it makes you appreciate just how nice older games really looked despite the weak screen technology of the original hardware, thus kindling a desire to re-experience those games anew. Of course, before I can hop online against people I know I'll need everyone to share their friend codes -- especially those of you doing the Tango de Lite Upgradio yourselves. So hop to it, kids.

category: blog | forums | 22 comments | §

Fuh huh

29 March 06 | 16:15 | Posted by:

I could swear I was going to write about something here today, but I forgot what it was when my mind was blown by the revelation that my DS Lite has shipped. No more coveting the office system and borrowing EGM's sadly-manhandled old-school DS in order to get my portable gaming fix for me, thanks.

Significantly, it will be arriving just in time for the import of Xenosaga Episode I & II. This is known as a baptism by fire.

Also, 1UP launched a new spin-off site today: GameVideos. I would like to think the name is fairly self-explanatory. The design is broken in a few places and its performance under Safari could charitably be classified as "glacial," but I think it should shape up nicely over time. I mean, compare 1UP as it is now versus its state when we first did the relaunch in the summer of 2004; there's just no comparison. You can actually use the site now, for starters.

category: blog | forums | 26 comments | §

Lite up my life

28 March 06 | 14:46 | Posted by:

I finally got a little hands-on time with ye olde DS Lite. It's a nice little machine, but I think we all knew this, yes? What surprised me was which feature turned out to be the best addition to Nintendo's re-DSign: the stylus. For some reason everyone who's played with the Lite has gone on and on about how great the brighter screens are, how sexy the slimmed-down form factor is, and that's true. (Except that anyone who actually describes a videogame machine as "sexy" really needs to maybe spend a little time with a real girl, possibly angling for a kiss -- anything, really, so long as it manages to pull them away from the brink of social disaster and stop having lacivious thoughts about a handheld console.) But the stylus, that's the real work of art.

Despite the fact that the DS Lite is about 30% smaller than the original design, the stylus is at least 50% larger. It's a little longer, and much thicker. You can actually grip it; no more delicate tweezing required. This is good news, as I've been resorting to a Wacom tablet stylus for my DS play lately to minimize hand-cramping, and the Wacom pen is a little too large to store in the DS stylus slot. Now I can just use the built-in pen as God (or RD&1) intended.

Special bonus: Your handy guide to the DS's design evolution.

(For clarity's sake: WTF)

category: games | forums | 18 comments | §

I have become death, the destroyer of rational discussion

27 March 06 | 10:32 | Posted by:

Man, I go away for a long weekend and the site gets hit by the short bus.

I'm not sure how a generally positive post about a new Zelda game turned into a 60-car pile-up of frothing verbal slapfights of the sort normally reserved for GameFAQs, but let's put this ugliness behind us. Or seriously I'll come to your house and hit you. Yes, you.

I reposted a bunch of old content this weekend. It's in dire need of editing and formatting, but at least the games section is pretty much fleshed out now. So now you can have a 60-comment thread arguing about things I wrote 5 years ago and generally regret.

(Honestly, the only articles that are still even vaguely interesting are the Animal Crossing/Kingdom Hearts screed, the Mario Kart making-of and the incredibly hateful Xenosaga review. Which I could never recreate, not now that I'm all medicated. Yay rainbows.)

category: blog | forums | fifteen comments | §

Delicious doses of awesome, GDC style

23 March 06 | 13:52 | Posted by:

I stayed home from Game Developers Conference this year because (1) it's way down in San Jose and (2) nothing could even begin to come close to last year's Spore unveiling. I could just see myself sitting sadly, waiting in vain for anything that could stack up to Wright's 45-minute assault on the human mind's acceptable tolerances for unadulterated brilliance. No, better to stay at the office and cherry-pick the best news to drift down the pipeline.

News such as: The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass, which despite being a 3D game on DS actually looks good. The amazing secret to why Zelda looks 98% less likely to induce severe headaches than Metroid Prime: Hunters? Gameplay is presented from a traditional top-down perspective (click the video icon there), meaning it doesn't try to be immersive.

Because let's face it, immersion is, you know, completely ridiculous when you're dealing with a 2.5" screen. It's always nice see common sense prevail. I'm not sure I'm quite so big on the Animal Crossing control style, which makes Navi's name a little too literal, but I have faith the common sense will prevail in that area as well.

I'm also pretty happy about the inclusion of both Hudson and Sega software for download on Revolution. But only if this means some kind of ultimate mash-up between Sega's Wonder Boy and Hudson's Adventure Island series where WB and Master Higgins can duke it out to see who the rightful king of skateboard-riding and snail-leaping should be.

Oh yeah, and there was some other PS3/Revolution news, but it was even more underwhelming than I expected. Good thing I stayed home.

category: games | forums | 59 comments | §

Disjointed time-wasting

22 March 06 | 13:49 | Posted by:

I'm still trying to get the site back in working order after last week's disaster. In the meantime, here is more disjointed rambling of little redeeming value.

1. I feel sort of guilty for not having done anything with my Mega Man Powered Up stages after being so obnoxious about the level editor thing before the game's release. Blame it on my job, which requires me to be all cutting-edge and stuff -- which is great and all, but sort of kills the joy of online play. By the time things like Animal Crossing and Mario Kart make it into the sweaty, eager hands of the hoi polloi I've already been reassigned to new projects. I'm sure that it would be awesome to play Tetris DS against you all, but I've gotta get through Lost Magic by Monday, see. But sometimes I like to press my face against the proverbial glass and peer into your metaphorical living rooms, wishing I could partake of the warmth of your so-called "communities."

I think there was a point to this. Oh yes, the MMPU thing. Right, so I'm tuning up some of my levels to work better with Roll (who has an annoying voice, yes, but her short-range attacks are much more interesting than mundane shooting). Once I get those bad boys (girls) uploaded I'll start posting the download codes in the sidebar or something. It'll be a total hootenany.

2. Almost as much of a hootenany as my reluctant 1UP Show appearances lately, for which I apologize profusely. I was never meant to be on camera and I try to avoid subjecting others to that spectacle whenever possible, but sometimes I'm not given a choice. So, sorry.

3. I also apologize for my "interview" in the latest issue of The Gamer's Quarter. It actually came as something of a surprise to me seeing as I consented to that little chat under the condition that it wasn't to be published, and certainly not as an interview. There's nothing more nauseating than reading the press write about the press, and I make it a policy not to participate in "game journalism" roundtables or whatever, because really, who cares? The writer, obviously, the subject, maybe. The reader, probably not. Writing about videogames (or any other kind of entertainment) does not make a person worthy of anything more than a byline and (maybe) a salary -- certainly it doesn't make them worthy of their own article.

Though the amusement value of being presented as some sort of old-guard figurehead for the mainstream gaming press almost counterbalances my irritation. But not quite. (Edit: Since this paragraph seems to be attracting a bit more attention than it actually warrants, please let me clear things up: the GQ5 debacle appears to have been the result of a miscommunication, and my annoyance lasted just about long enough for me to write this post. These things happen and there's no lasting harm done. Go on home, there's nothing more to see here.)

4. If you are finding your attempts to comment in response to posts here are giving you a spam warning, don't take it personally. There's been a rash of comment spammers targeting sites that use my backend, and I'm being extra zealous in my effort to prevent them from mucking up my nice clean site with their filth. So, if you get the spam warning, just edit your message to kill whichever word you think might be the problematic one and try again. Annoying? Yes. But not as annoying as jackholes who have no remorse about using someone else's hard work as a stepping stone for a better Google pagerank.

Edit: OK, my first three Castlevania levels are up.

category: blog | forums | 22 comments | §

Back, I guess

20 March 06 | 22:11 | Posted by:

Hello little Internet friends. Sorry to leave the site in such disarray, but the combination of severe server troubles, a blitzkrieg of spam and an insane amount of Final Fantasy XII coverage has done terrible things to my ability to keep up with my regular routine, i.e. completely annihilated it.
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I have a written a little bit about FFXII over the course of the past week. As in: one - two - three - four. Hello. This has mainly served as a reminder of why I never stuck with the GIA for very long; trying to whip up extensive coverage based on hands-on time with a game in a cryptic language from the Orient while trying to carry on with something like a normal life is really not a good idea.
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It was, admittedly, much easier to stomach thanks to the fact that FFXII is fairly brilliant. I mean, I was pretty sure I was going to like it before, but now that I've spend quality time with the real thing I have to nod my hat to its sheer quality. And its sheer devotion to Final Fantasy-ness. Yes, OK, the battle system's very different, but the story and presentation are very much in keeping with the standards of the series, and it manages to incorporate little bits of every game in the series. Even the little orphans like FFXI and FFT. In fact there is an awful lot of FFT to the weapons and skills, which I guess goes back in many ways to FFV, but I think the Tactics lovers will weep tears as they smile once they start to unravel the mysteries of the license board.
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So, basically, FFXII is like a concentrated dose of Final Fantasy minus the really annoying barriers to enjoyment. Of course FFXIII is supposedly going to be a Kitase/Nomura production so there's a good chance FFXII will be a happy little beacon of quality amidst the darkness, but I'll take whatever points of light they'll give me.

category: blog | forums | 22 comments | §

WHAT

17 March 06 | 23:29 | Posted by:

When I said I'd be disappearing for a week I actually meant it as a joke. I didn't realize that my webhost would be suffering a catastrophic failure, knocking the site out of commission for two days. Anyway, I'm still trying to un-break things. Hopefully we'll be back in action Monday. And by "we" I mean "I." Sorry, too much preview writing has caused my brain to ossify into using Royal We.

category: blog | forums | six comments | §

Not a Real Comic (page 2)

15 March 06 | 11:10 | Posted by:

So it turns out that if you use watercolor paper with too much tooth for line art with washes it looks really awful when you scan it and also the file size stays really huge because all the excess texture detail is hard to compress effectively meaning you have to reduce the image quality to keep from getting booted off your webhosting service for bandwidth overages.

Anyway, Final Fantasy XII just arrived so I'll see you guys in like a week or something.

category: comic | forums | 24 comments | §

The apocalypse is upon us

14 March 06 | 11:46 | Posted by:

I know this for a fact because people are now accusing me of being a Microsoft shill. Of course this comes as a direct result of having expressed misgivings about PlayStation 3 combined with the fact that videogamers on the Internet are incapable of not seeing the world in terms of stark fanboyism and mindless advocacy.

In point of fact, I'm disinterested in all console systems equally. PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, even Revolution -- I'm pretty sure I can't play any of them on the bus, so what's the point? Give me a built-in screen or give me death. Speaking of which, it's finally safe to own a PSP; the good games have finally arrived. It only took, what, a year? Smashing.

Sony really does push a special kind of innovation with its hardware. The PlayStation and PS2 have conditioned us to accept that the first year of a console's life offers very little in the way of actual reasons to own that machine; now the PSP has forced the same low initial expectations upon us in the handheld space. I think this is why the column linked above will ultimately amount to pointless musings rather than, say, prophecy. Sony constantly does everything wrong (or at least counter-intuitively) and invariably succeeds, and PS3 is shaping up to be the company's biggest boneheaded blunder of all. Based on previous patterns, that means it's going to conquer the gaming market and probably squeeze its competition out of business altogether.

That's neither here nor there. The important thing to take away from all of this is that I am have nothing but blind loyalty to Microsoft. And don't you forget it.

P.S., Anyone want a used PowerBook? I don't need it anymore.

category: games | forums | 41 comments | §

Not a Real Comic (page 1)

13 March 06 | 10:57 | Posted by:

Post continued after link >>

category: comic | forums | 47 comments | §

Gamespite #6

11 March 06 | 13:53 | Posted by:

Alright, so not only is this a day late (I blame Lara Croft), not only is it more annoying insider "humor" that's only really of interest to people who actually work in the gaming press, it's also plagued by some really rushed, horrible art full of tortured anatomy, awkward framing and inconsistent faces (hope you like your winsome young editors-in-chief looking weirdly mannish)!

Yeah, I'd say Gamespite has run its natural lifespan. It would be nice if I could maybe come up with something that didn't head south after half a dozen entries, but I guess I'm just more of an "ideas" guy. Man, that's depressing.

category: gamespite | forums | 28 comments | §

I'm gonna paint quiz my wagon dragon

09 March 06 | 17:05 | Posted by:

I am convinced that Capcom Classics Collection Remixed for PSP is going to be the single best retro compilation ever. Ever ever ever. I mean, yeah, having arcade-perfect ports of Strider and Magic Sword and Black Tiger to take with me everywhere is more nerd-bliss than I could ever have hoped for back when I was hooked on those games in their coin-op incarnations. And the wi-fi "quarters" mode where anyone else in your vicinity with a copy of the game can interrupt your session to challenge you is brilliant. But there is one thing that sets CCCR [1] above and beyond the competition is one single title:

Quiz and Dragons.

You're forgiven if you've never heard of this particular chapter of Capcom's history, because I hadn't either. But it's basically a trivia game gussied up as a Dungeons & Dragons board game. (ATTN SHIVAM: If you do not own the PCB of this I will be very disappointed in you.) That in itself would be interesting, but what pushes it well beyond "novelty" status isn't the fact that you can play as any of four Gauntlet-approved character classes. It's not the fact that "battles" are trivia contests versus various D&D monsters like ogres and black puddings. It's not even the "magic spells" you can use which weight the quizzes in your favor.

No, what makes Quiz & Dragons completely incredible is the fact that it is frozen in 1990 stasis. Capcom hasn't updated the questions to be more contemporary, and while that doesn't affect, say, entries about James K. Polk (the president, not the song) or the biological classification of a mushroom, the pop culture elements are completely incredible. Do you know which movie the Fat Boys played a team of hospital attendants? Or the hot sitcom which stars George Wendt? (Hint: Not the Cosby Show.) Playing the game makes me feel like I'm being headlocked by high school, assaulted by a curious world in which Nirvana has yet to exist and President Bush has initiated a war in Iraq. Well, OK, not that different, then.

I know classic collections can be a hard sell for younger gamers who didn't experience the arcade originals first-hand, but I think this is the first compiled game I've ever seen that is actively antagonistic toward them. Needless to say, I highly recommended it. Damn kids these days.

1. Not to be mistaken for CCCP, which only appears in Strider.

category: games | forums | 21 comments | §

Gamespite #5

08 March 06 | 09:34 | Posted by:

Post continued after link >>

category: gamespite | forums | 20 comments | §

Akumajou special

07 March 06 | 11:26 | Posted by:

Last night I finished up my ongoing Castlevania "mod" for Mega Man Powered Up. I still need to do some fine-tuning, but the point remains: I have created surprisingly accurate renditions of all six levels from Castlevania using a 3D Mega Man engine. It is possibly the dorkiest achivement of my life, and I have done some awfully dorky things in my time.

But that's hardly news. I mean, I'm inordinately proud of the lengthy, full-map-height drop that kicks off level 4, so what does that tell you?

It's a shame that Capcom won't allow multiple levels to be strung together in sequence, because the overall effect would be much more impressive than playing a single level at a time. And bosses from the final stages would be a nice touch -- Dracula's tower needs a Yellow Devil, not freakin' Elec Man.

Still, this whole process has given me a new appreciation for Castlevania's level design. It was truly exceptional in its time, and the attention to detail Konami lavished on the game is still impressive. Little things, like the way columns line up between vertically-stacked screens, are really classy. The gaps in the floor that pose deadly jumping hazards aren't just poorly-conceived architecture, they're places where the underlying structure has crumbled. No level element in the entire apepars to have been placed frivolously. And there's a real sense of progress from place to place; each level begins where the last one ended, and Simon's little trek across the map is very accurately reflected within the actual game. Whoever designed the world took their charge to create a decaying castle seriously.

(THIS IS AWESOME)
And based on the clock tower level, I'd say they also enjoyed making video gamers cry.

If only more video games sent such conflicting messages of love and hate these days, the world would be a better place. And sales of replacement controllers would be much healthier, no doubt.

Anyway, I'll finish tweaking my level designs and share the download codes once Capcom reactivates the game hub. I know you're just champing at the bit to experience my anal-retentive creative bankruptcy.

category: games | forums | seven comments | §

Gamespite #4

06 March 06 | 00:06 | Posted by:

Dear Nintendo, please do not sue. It's just a cosplayer, and I have no control over Igor's irrepresible sleaziness :(

Anyway, this concludes the tragic saga of Gamespite Vs. Super Princess Peach. Now I'm out of ideas for the comic. For some reason I thought loosly basing a comic on my experiences at work would provide an endless fountain of mirth, but mostly I work with boring nerds like myself. Plus the occasional misanthrope. I guess that's the end of Gamespite, then.

(Or not.)

category: gamespite | forums | 17 comments | §

Shutting up, sir

05 March 06 | 09:49 | Posted by:

My ToastyFrog.com love has been a mere glimmer this past week, and there's a good reason for that. Several, actually:

Children of Mana: Unless you count that weak GBA remake, it's been six years since the last Seiken Densetsu game. Sadly, Square (blah blah Square Enix, whatever) seems to be a little unclear on what people actually like about the series. Hint: it's not dungeon crawling. Too bad, since Children of Mana is just one step removed from being a roguelike: go into dungeon, kill stuff, find the exit, kill the boss, return to town and sort out equipment. I'll allow it this once since it works pretty well as a portable experience (gaming in chunklets and all), but if Seiken Densetsu 4 isn't something more along the lines of the first three games I'm going to have words with Square Enix. Angry words, in a strident tone.

Far too many words about Mega Man Powered Up: It dominated this week's Retronauts as well as earning itself a companion preview. Are you sick of hearing about it yet? That is a pity, because I'm not tired of gushing about it.

Metroid Prime Hunters: Hunters looks pretty incredible, pushing 3D graphics on the DS that few imagined could be possible. Which is nice and all, but it emphasizes action over exploration, which really makes me wonder why the name "Metroid" is attached. Will it be the first Metroid game I don't care about? Maybe, but who really cares? I don't. It was strange to see the forum kids become so terribly offended at my audacity for not griping about my wholly subjective misgivings with the game in my preview. Apparently a preview should be a review without a number, or something? Not clear on that one. Well, anyway, savor the technical accomplishments, and if you're into the game style, bully for you.

Super Princess Peach: I think we're all pretty tired of hearing about this one!

Aaaand stuff I've been playing for magazines or for coverage that hasn't appeared on 1UP yet:

Tales of Phantasia: If you've already received the new issue of EGM (202, Rainbow Six: Vegas cover) you already know the shocking surprise of what score I'll be giving this GBA port when my 1UP review goes live. If you're emotionally healthy, the arbitrary number I slap on the end doesn't actually matter to you.

Tao's Adventure: Roguelikes/dungeon crawlers seem like a perfect fit for portable games (see: Children of Mana). After Tao, I'd have to put the emphasis on seem.

Pokemon Trozei!: Do you like Meteos? Good! Play that instead.

Tetris DS: Even taking off the 8-bit nostalgia blinders, Tetris DS is pretty incredible; eight of my coworkers and I gathered reluctantly in the conference room the other day for a quick large-scale multiplayer match; 40 minutes later, when we finally voted to disperse to get back to work, half the participants were clamoring to keep playing. March 20 belongs to Tetris, Hunters or no Hunters. I'll see you kids on WFC for some amazing 10-player matches.

Suikoden I & II: This is how you do a PlayStation to PSP port. If Konami doesn't localize this there will be even more stern words exchanged.

category: games | forums | twelve comments | §

Falling action

03 March 06 | 12:57 | Posted by:

I was hoping to wrap up the thrilling saga of Peach and Igor today, but I got a little bit sidetracked mucking around with Mega Man Powered Up's level editor and ended up staying awake far too late doing nothing constructive. Well, technically, it was very constructive, but in a real-life sense of the word it was kind of sad.

I do, however, have shockingly accurate versions of Castlevania levels remade as Mega Man stages available for download, for whenever you get your own hands on the game. Hopefully prerelease save files work with the final game or I will be a sad puppy indeed.

Next up: Levels three through six. Er, I mean... more comics.

category: games | forums | five comments | §