Games | Weekly Game Releases | Week of Oct 23, 2007: Sweet crap this week is loaded with DS games. Dozens, in fact. So many DS games that we're not going to cover them all. But rest assured that nobody who reads this column would actually want any of those games. And no, we're not covering all the kids games either.


List compiled by reibeatall and Sarcasmorator | Posted October 22th, 2007


Game of the week | Castlevania: The Dracula X Chronicles


The best Castlevania collection ever. In here, the classic never-been-released-in-America Rondo of Blood sees a U.S. release at long last, all remade with fancy modern 3D graphics. To add a little more value, Chronicles includes unlockable versions of Symphony of the Night (with tweaks) and the original PC Engine Duo version of Rondo of Blood. For thirty bucks, you'd be crazy not to buy this.


Also appearing in stores


Conan
God of War meets Ninja Gaiden meets early Schwarzenegger. Not really what you'd consider a particularly deep video game, but it has what's good in life: crushing your enemies, seeing them driven before you, and hearing the lamentations of their women.


Ace Combat 6: Fires of Liberation
The seventh installment (yes, seventh) in the Ace Combat saga finds its way onto next, I mean, now-gen consoles. As a timed exclusive for the Xbox 360, you can either buy it as a stand-alone game, or you can go all out and buy the humongous bundle that includes a flight stick. The perfect thing to put in your shrinking living space along with your Rock Band bundle and Legendary edition of Halo 3!


Jericho
Clive Barker's brainchild, and by all accounts the sort of child that only its mother could love. There are some skeletons with guns, or something. It's very X-TREME and whatnot. We really don't get it. But at least Mr. Barker knows how to put Roger Ebert in his place about video games being art, no doubt holding up his own games as shining examples. Aw, crap.


Tomb Raider: Anniversary
The honest-to-god remake of the original Tomb Raider using the engine and interface from Tomb Raider: Legend finally makes its was onto the 360. There was a snafu earlier about this version being made available strictly as downloadable content playable only with the Legend disc, but now it's seeing a retail release. So... who knows what this means for the DLC option. But at least everybody will get to try out this reinvigorated classic without being forced to pony up for two games.


Eye of Judgement
Magic: The Gathering meets Yu-gi-oh meets the Playstation 3's EyeToy. If you don't think that's awesome, that's because you haven't seen the upper editorial staff at Ziff-Davis hunched thoughtfully over a table full of cards. And you haven't. But it's awesome anyway.


Front Mission
The DS port of the original Front Mission game. TRPG that focuses excessively on customization of your gigantic wanzers armored suits (which are pronounced "van-ser," because all vehicles of war have Germanic names). Front Mission 3 for PlayStation -- arguably the second-best game in this entire genre -- stole away about 150 hours of my life. If this remake can catch my interest for even a third of that, it will be a job well done.


Phoenix Wright: Trials and Tribulations
The third Phoenix Wright game to come stateside -- and the last one to feature Phoenix himself as the main character. If you're not yet familiar with the series, you should read this article by Kolbe posthaste. And if you like them... well, you probably already have yours preordered, if only for that cute little plush freebie.


Mega Man ZX: Advent
Surprise, surprise -- it's the a sequel to Mega Man ZX, which was the spiritual successor to Mega Man Zero. Which was in turn the spiritual successor to Mega Man X. And that was the spiritual successor Mega Man. That Capcom! What a spiritual buncha guys. Though they're gonna burn through the whole alphabet at the rate they're going.


Zack and Wiki: Quest for Barbaros' Treasure
Zack and Wiki is the puzzle game that anyone can edit! Wait, no. You're a cutesy little pirate looking for treasure. You know, like in the title. Actually, it's a new Wii game. One that isn't licensed crap, a collection of vapid minigames, or a port of a Ubisoft PS2 game with awful waggle elements tacked on. Or by Nintendo! Seriously, it would be worth a look for those reasons alone -- the fact that it seems to be netting high praise is just gravy.


Napoleon Dynamite
Seriously? What the hell? This movie was popular three years ago'. And I actually liked it before it was cool, so I get to say that. Once everybody else decided it was awesome, I stopped liking it. What did they know? I was the one who went to indie theaters to watch it, NOT them. I was the one who made the "Vote for Pedro" shirt before you could buy it at Hot Topic. I was the REAL Napoleon Dynamite fan. DAMN YOU ALL

Anyway, uhhhh... why the hell did they make a game of this?


Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction
Ratchet and Clank's first "next-gen" outing finally makes its way into our hearts and our PLAYSTATION 3s. (SCREAMING INTERNET CAPSLOCK officially endorsed by Sony!) For those who don't know, the Ratchet & Clank series consists of action platformers with guns. Lots and lots of guns. This one's precise release date has been awfully malleable -- they've said it's next week, they've said it's this week. Well, we're givin' it to you early, just in case.


Weekly WTF? | Ubisoft's Imagine Series


There were a lot of possible WTFs this week, but after much deliberation, it was decided to comment on Ubisoft's new series of games targeted towards 6-14 year old girls, Imagine. Here's a rundown of what we've got this week.

Imagine: Fashion Designer: Become a Manhattan fashion designer, plan photo shoots, design clothes, go online and trade designs with other girls! Or call them "gay homo fags," like you do in Counter-Strike.

Imagine: Babyz: According to Ubisoft, this is the first baby-raising simulation game. Online connectivity allows you to trade BABY CLOTHES online. (Also to meet terrifying pedophiles who will be happy to make those babies a reality for you.)

Imagine: Animal Doctor: Cure animals with your +1 vet wand of healing. We're assuming they didn't just call this "Imagine: Vet" to prevent people from assuming it was about adopting some weird toothless old dude down at the V.A.

Imagine: Master Chef: Finish the fight by dual-wielding realistic Cooking Mama gameplay and intense kitchen trivia! "It's been an honor baking with you, John."

I know girls are girls, but seriously, could they have picked any more stereotypical girl games? Maybe the next one they do will be "Imagine: Make-up Artist" or "Imagine: Play with Dolls". Hopefully they can even branch out to create a series dedicated to adult women as well. We'll be first in line for "Imagine: Minivan Full of Hyperactive Soccer Kids" and "Imagine: Valium and Wine Cocktails Every Afternoon to Dull the Pain of Loveless Suburban Motherhood."


Talk about how crappy these games are!