Welcome to Rapture. The Big Daddies and Little Sisters want you! Well, not so much you. It's more that they want to suck out your ADAM with an elephant needle. If you have an Xbox 360 you should be picking this one up without hesitation. If you don’t have an Xbox 360... consider getting one. And if you have a recently red-ringed 360, then proceed with the cursing. BioShock is also available for Windows, but you’ll need a pretty beefy rig to make it look as good as its console counterpart. And be sure to check out the Collector’s Edition -- it comes with a making-of DVD, a soundtrack CD (which may have as few as three songs) and a big ol’ Big Daddy figurine. That’s worth an extra 10 samoleons, even if the CE is exclusive to the grim GameStop and its vile vassals.

Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter 2

Remember this game from April? The 7th installment in the popular Ghost Recon series (finally) hits the PS3 and PSP this week. Chances are, though, if you cared about the game, you've already played it on Xbox 360.

Life Signs: Surgical Unit

Now here's a great idea! How about we take the DS and make a surgery game for it? We could even use the touch screen to increase the level of immersion into the game world, like we were actually cutting our paitents... wait, hang on. Didn't Trauma Center already do this? Well, yes. But there's no satanic magic involved in Life Signs.

The Settlers

Finally, a real RTS for DS. The Settlers is a long running PC franchise that places the player in charge of a group of -- surprise, surprise -- settlers. The action's not as intense as your usual Command & Conquer, but the slower pace is ultimately a better fit for the game's subject matter. You'll have to harvest resources, but everything has a price. Cut down too many trees and the wolves might come and eat you, or something like that. How truthfully inconvenient.

Dragoneer's Aria

Six mystical dragons are the protectors of the world, training dragoons to fight for justice. But as your character graduates from Dragoon School, an EVIL BLACK dragon attacks and screws everything up. Travel the countryside to unravel the mystery, etc. etc., yadda yadda. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that maybe you find a mysterious girl that uses magic and a gruff older warrior with a past that he'd rather forget. Basically, your bog-standard RPG for PSP.

Two Worlds

Let’s hope the box art doesn’t speak to the quality of this SouthPeak Interactive RPG. If so, Two Worlds is in trouble. But things look promising — there’s a massive persistent world to explore with your customizable character however you like, and there’s online multiplayer for up to eight. There’s one thing Oblivion hasn’t got, at least.

Jeanne D'Arc

I really should have paid more attention to world history in school. I had no idea that Joan of Arc fought evil orcs lead by demon-possessed armies of British catgirls by transforming into a costume straight out of Sailor Moon. My poor knowledge of history aside, what little bit of Jeanne D'Arc I've played (two battles) seems pretty fun. For those who can't wait for Final Fantasy Tactics and absolutely NEEDS a tactical RPG now, this should be your choice.

Brunswick Pro Bowling

Does the Wii need bowling beyond the perfectly enjoyable game included in Wii Sports? Crave Entertainment thinks so. Set ’em up and knock ’em down with the Wii Remote. (Or, if you must, with normal controls on PSP or PS2, and for only $20 -- half the price of the Wii version.)

NHRA Countdown to the Championship

Another cheapie PS2/PSP game, this one by THQ. It’s drag racing, which means all the fun of starting and stopping a fast car with none of that pesky cornering.

I Spy Funhouse

The I Spy games are based on the series of books for kids — they’re collections of visual riddles in which numerous items have been hidden in the pictures. It’s not likely to appeal to anyone who’s interested in, say, BioShock, but might be fun for someone whose voice hasn’t cracked yet.

Brain Age 2 : More Brain Training in Minutes a Day

Make your brain smarter! Or younger, which is apparently the same thing according to this brain-training sequel. You either like this sort of thing or you don’t, but this sequel does feature a huge new selection of exercises along with a mess of new Sudoku puzzles. It also sees the return of Dr. Kawashima, the Brain Age series’ low-poly, slightly creepy Master Control Program. MR. DILLINGER, I'M SO VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU. YOUR BRAIN AGE HAS SLIPPED TO 36, THREE YEARS WORSE THAN LAST WEEK'S RESULTS. END OF LINE.