Am I a terrible person for never being much of an Axelay fan? I know it has its admirers, and between its cool visual design and Life Force-inspired alternating points of view I wanted to like it. The game just never clicked for me. But Ben Langberg makes a good case for it, which is a better eulogy for the game than it most recent other recollection: Being turned into a spaceship shell for an underaged, underdressed girl in Konami’s weird, pandering Gradius clone Otomedius.