GSQ3: Samus it ever was

I’m pretty sure I’ve used the joke “Samus it ever was” before, but do you know what? I don’t care. It’s just that good.


I’m sorry to say that this update includes my very worst entry of all from GameSpite Quarterly 3, the piece on Shadax. I probably should have just cut it, because it’s not good and it doesn’t actually make sense. To even begin to understand it, you have to be familiar with the image above, wherein Shadax resembled a buffed-up rock ‘n roll roadie. I went from there, but sadly it was all downhill. Anyway, everyone else picked up my slack, so it’s all good.

  • Samus Aran: I can’t wait until Metroid: Other M crams needless backstory about this character down our throats through protracted unskippable cutscenes! Since they’re by Team Ninja, they’re bound to be extremely coherent and well-written, of course.
  • Scrooge McDuck: Man, you know what would be amazing? A Duck Tales HD remake by Capcom with artwork drawn in the Carl Barks style. Did you feel that? That was you experiencing a chill down your spine.
  • Secret Agent: Yeah, I got no sarcastic remark about this one. Just read it, I guess.
  • Shadax: You can safely skip this one!

19 thoughts on “GSQ3: Samus it ever was”

  1. “Anyway, everyone else picked up my slack, so it’s all good.”

    Not me!

    “I can’t wait until Metroid: Other M crams needless backstory about this character down our throats through protracted unskippable cutscenes!”

    God, this will be the worst thing about Other M. Japan doesn’t exactly have a history of writing good female characters, let alone someone like Samus. Unless they sit down with a Japanese copy of Aliens, and that Japanese copy hasn’t turned Ripley into a tsundere via subtitles, I think we’re going to have to take Samus off the list of excellent female characters when it comes out.

    Hopefully the game’ll be fun, though.

  3. Well if the game IS terrible, you can just deny it from your personal canon. Just sometimes tell yourself, “This is not my beautiful bounty hunter! This is not my beautiful freedom of exploration!”

    OK, yeah, that’s REALLY stretching the lyrics…

  5. Wow, that Duck Tales remake idea of yours is amazing. Now I’m gonna be sad because it’s never gonna happen.

  7. “Man, you know what would be amazing? A Duck Tales HD remake by Capcom with artwork drawn in the Carl Barks style.”

    I will also love a Don Rosa remake as well.

  11. I wasn’t actually judging by the game’s website but rather by (1) Team Ninja’s proven legacy of mishandling game narrative; (2) Yoshio Sakamoto’s comments to the effect of wanting to explore Samus’ rich inner life or whatever; and (3) the fact that the worst parts of Metroid Fusion were about exploring said rich inner life. But you go right ahead and delete that bookmark if you’re that allergic to wholly warranted ambivalence and trepidation.

  12. Wait, wait. You’re seriously alarmed and worried by the presence of the details of Samus’s backstory in Other M? A game character, which, up to this point, has had next-to-nil said about her officially, in the games? Why don’t you let these people do their damn job, instead of making assumptions based on extremely little evidence?

    You seriously think Team Ninja, who’ve made games that are centered around chopping people’s heads and limbs off and oogling super-busty women have “mishandled” game narrative? What planet are you from, dude? To “expect” something like a well-written narrative from games like those is a worthless and very selfish endeavor, my friend.

    If those are your reasonings, your “wholly warranted” fear that they’re going to screw it up is quite weak and unfounded, indeed.

  13. Wow, you’re really angry about this, aren’t you? It’s just some guy’s opinion, you know. It’s hardly worth getting stressed out about.

    I’m going to assume you’ve never actually watched the cutscenes of a Team Ninja game (they’re terrible, genuinely terrible), and that you haven’t seen the trailer for Other M (it looks determined to erase the mystery of a character who’s largely appealing because she’s so mysterious), and that you haven’t read any interviews with Sakamoto (who has basically said that’s his intention). I’m also going to guess you haven’t seen the Star Wars prequels and the way they managed to utterly destroy the integrity of one of cinema’s most fascinating characters by showing us his stupid, mundane origin story.

    Am I looking forward to Other M? Oh my god yes. I confess that I may have peed myself a little when I saw the reveal trailer at E3 last year, and then I soiled myself even more when I got to interview Sakamoto about it. BUT: Do I harbor serious concerns that it’s going to erase even more of my respect for the Metroid franchise than Corruption did? Unfortunately, that’s also a yes.

  14. I would like to point out that Team Ninja isn’t doing the cutscenes for Other M, but an entirely separate company called D-Rockets, with Sakamoto providing the main story and scenario. Team Ninja is simply handling the 3-D programming and in-game modeling. I would expect a so-called professional journalist to know these basic facts before spewing such ignorant and reactionary attacks against an unreleased video game.

    As far as Samus’ character goes, I would expect a supposed professional such as you to at least respect Sakamoto’s right as an artist to freely develop his characters and creations. Once again, no cigar. Your spiteful bashing of an unreleased game (and it’s creator) is exemplary of why gaming journalism is still widely regarded as a joke.

  15. Not so much angry, Mr. Parish, as much as I am disappointed by your lack of faith in Sakamoto-san. Metroid’s his baby, as it were.

    Your assumptions about me were wrong on all accounts, but I question if you typed them facetiously. Your words are usually laden with sarcasm and tongue-in-cheek humor, so I wouldn’t put that past you. First off, I help run the Metroid Database, as you could have been able to figure out in my URL link. So you can be sure I’ve read all the interviews and probably know more about Mr. Sakamoto than yourself. Second, I’ve played NG 1 and 2 on the 360 (Not to mention played through all those disgustingly hard NES titles) so I’m quite familiar with how Team Ninja does things. It doesn’t make up for the fact that you seem to hold it against them. All they’re trying to do is make entertaining, fun, games. Not the be-all-end-all to action titles. I’m pretty sure the storyline in those titles are intended to drive the gameplay, not the other way around. Narrative doesn’t have to be important in games like these. So even if it does have poor, cheesy, over the top, anime-inspired cutscenes, it doesn’t really detract from the experience, IMO. More along the lines of enhancing it. A little icing on the cake.

    I also found it quite amusing that you tried to equate adding cutscenes and backstory to the Metroid franchise like Lucas ruining Star Wars with the prequels. Metroid is a great game franchise, but in no way is it close to the cinematic masterpieces of the first 3 Star Wars movies.

    Humor me some more, Jeremy. I quite enjoy this conversation.

  16. Hey, Metroid Database guy, I like your site, and it makes me sad that you’re behaving this way.

  17. I am aware that D-Rockets is doing cinematics, but I’m under the impression that their role is strictly CG rendering and general art design. That “so-called journalist” dig was nice, though. It’s always heartwarming to be told I don’t know how to do my job because, gasp, I have reservations about an upcoming release rather than accepting on faith that it will be awesome simply because I’m a fan. Of course, if I did gush cheerfully about how Other M is gonna be totally awesome, someone else would question my integrity for being an unabashed fanboy.

    Anyway, yeah, I’m just gonna echo Mon Julpa’s response.

  18. Please note I expected you to respect Sakamoto as an artist. I never said you should “gush cheerfully” and worship blindly everything he does like an “unabashed fanboy”. I am not a blind Sakamoto worshipper, because he has fully earned all the praise and admiration I have given him, and he has my full faith with Other M both in terms of the gameplay AND storyline/Samus’ character.

    You are not some user on an anonymous comments section, you are the executive editor of a very popular and widely-read gaming site who is publicly making childish and reactionary attacks on an unreleased video game (which is heavily fueled by a factual misunderstanding about Team Ninja’s involvement which I already dispelled) and throwing out all kinds of childish assumptions about the quality of an in-game narrative which we know almost nothing about. This reflects very poorly on you as a paid professional, whether you want to admit it or not.

  19. I’m with Infinity’s End and kbaudot3k on this one. You can have your doubts but anything else is unnecessary. This game is supposed to fill up a hole in the timeline which means questions have to be answered.

    @Mon Julpa – Glad you like the site, however you think Infinity’s End is bad? Well Jeremy Parish doesn’t HAVE to respond to Infinity’s End, yet he does, and this argument continues on which means Jeremy Parish is no better than Infinity’s End.

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