Someone once told me that being in Washington, D.C. in the summer is like being surrounded by the breath of a giant dog — stinky, humid, hot — and I’ve gotta say that being a little ways outside D.C. isn’t much better. After weeks of being constantly cold in San Francisco’s misty, windy, sub-60 temperatures, stepping off the plane in Baltimore was like suddenly being smothered beneath a sticky wet blanket. Kind of a shock!
Equally shocking is that my finacée’s nephew and niece have already begun calling me “uncle Jeremy.” I guess I have to start being an adult now. My first odious task: I have to figure out a way to let my new nephew down gently. He seems to think I make games rather than merely write about them and has been pumping me full of concept pitches ever since I landed. His most developed concept so far — which is, and I quote him here, “really awesome” — involves flying a plane trying to avoid lightning so you can collect money. Surprisingly, I can’t seem to find a single game that actually uses that as its premise. I think think it might be easier to download some kind of freebie game dev engine and whip up something ridiculous for him to play than to crush his tiny heart by admitting that, sorry, your rad new uncle is actually just an uncreative hack writer.
Anyway, here’s something someone else wrote. Man, I don’t even do my own writing now! My life is an empty lie.
Pokémon Red & Blue
Yeah, like we were going to publish a comprehensive Game Boy retrospective without touching Pokémon. What a great idea that would have been. Maybe we could have followed it up with a piece on PlayStation that never mentions Final Fantasy or a ZX Spectrum history that ignores the existence of Ultimate Play The Game. I’m, like, so sure. Whatever.