Please, game developers: stop including multiplayer modes in your games. Haven’t you been watching the news? We’re all gonna die! Well, most of us, anyway. After the bird-pigs infect us all with their super-flu, only the hardiest of us are going to survive. There will likely be little infrastructure left, and certainly no more Internet. Those of us who live are going to need games to play, and Call of Duty 4 isn’t going to cut it.
[[image:papapig.jpg:They may look cute, but they are DEADLY.:right:0]]When I’m walking the empty highways, dodging cannibals and feral flu-mutants, multiplayer games are going to be useless. As I raid the abandoned farmhouses for fuel to generate a little electricity for the HDTV I’ve got strapped to my back, games with a strong single-player focus are going to be worth their weight in pre-aporkalypse gold. When I’m trading a few berries I managed to steal from a dead man’s pockets for a new game, all those co-op and multiplayer bullet-points are going to be quickly passed over in search of games with hours of solo player to distract me from the horrifying reality of FluMerica.
I guess there might still be some use for all those multiplayer games. Maybe I can snap the DVD-ROMs in half and use the pointy edge as a shiv against some cannibal trying to gnaw on my delicious, flu-resistant innards.