An iTunes feature request

You know, if Apple really wants to replace the old record store paradigm with their fancy-shmancy iTunes digital distribution model, they still have a long way to go. With the recent addition of “iTunes DJ” to the software package, it seems to me that it wouldn’t be that difficult for Apple to add “iTunes Record Store Clerk”, or iClerk. Here’s how it would work:

You select something to listen to. iClerk would then pop up and tell you how it was into that band way before you ever heard of them. Plus they suck now anyway.

You try and buy something from the iTunes store. iClerk pops up and says, “Yeah, that’s alright — but there’s this other band you’ve never heard of that is way better.” If you try and buy the band iClerk recommends, iClerk sniffs and tells you it is very rare and out-of-print, no way you’d ever find it for sale anyway.

Basically iClerk would try and replicate the real record store experience: that of having an insufferable hipster look down his nose at you. Until Apple adds this much needed feature to iTunes, the only way to digitally replicate the real record store experience is to read Pitchfork.

10 thoughts on “An iTunes feature request

  1. Hope Apple is listening, well, pitchfork too, can’t read them anymore looks like they don’t have any fun or joy listening to music.

  2. In all fairness, my local record store people aren’t so much superior and pretentious as aloof/apathetic. Once or twice I’ve tried to strike up a conversation and they just shrug and ring me up without much of a response. Which is what iTunes already offers, huzzah!!

  3. Let’s be fair: this problem isn’t unique to the iTunes store. For instance, we could definitely use a feature in Steam that asks us to buy a magazine subscription, or at the very least, asking us if we have anything we’d like to trade in today. While we’re at it, I’d like Amazon to sneer condescendingly whenever I,say, buy the Azumangah Daioh Omnibus over whatever event books Marvel is putting out that summer.

  4. I thought that was what that “Genius” feature did with the music already in your iTunes library?

  5. Full disclosure: I used to be an insufferable record store employee. Sorry guy who just wanted to buy a Red Hot Chili Peppers record! I didn’t mean to be a dick!

  6. Oh, I say the world still needs pretentious record nerds like ourselves, Levi. Who else is going to fellate the egos of obscure band memberss and chime in about how much better every band’s s/t album is in comparison to the rest of their catalogue?

    Us. That’s who.

  7. Pitchfork can be a dick, but it’s still great for finding obscure bands you’d never have heard of anyways. I just use Rolling Stone for my dumb pop music needs.

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