I try to be (somewhat) objective towards most games. Given predispositions and whatnot, it can be hard at times, but even games that are designed to be completely unappealing to me (like, say, Gears of War) have won me over in the past, which is why the proliferation of demos on Xbox Live and PSN has been great. If nothing else, I can feel slightly more justified in my snap judgements because, hey, I gave it a fair shot, right?
Long story short, a certain demo dropped on Xbox Live recently, and it’s the first time I’ve honestly, seriously been physically unable to choke back the bile and give a game a fair chance.
[[image: ar_103108_banjo_01.jpg:Note the dead, soulless eyes.:center:0]]
Yes, Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts is almost upon us. I have zero interest in it, and I wouldn’t have even considered playing it if a friend hadn’t downloaded it on my system. Regardless of the circumstances, though, I was unable to see it as anything but what I’d decided it would be long ago.
The original Banjo-Kazooie, alongside Donkey Kong 64, utterly destroyed my interest in platformers, a genre I had adored up to that point. I fully blame my never getting around to picking up Klonoa on Banjo. It wasn’t until Super Mario Sunshine that I even gave platformers a second chance, and to this day, I’m still wary of them.
I can rationally tell myself Banjo-Kazooie was the worst of the bunch, but it doesn’t matter. I thought I’d made some progress (Super Mario Galaxy was a given, but even new properties like LittleBigPlanet didn’t scare me off), but then that demo booted up and I instantly lost it. What most people found to be nice graphics, I thought were garish and hideous. I assumed from the get-go that the vehicles meant (a) you’d be collecting more crap to pay for parts, which then transform into (b) just another way to collect said crap (turns out, I was right on both counts). I couldn’t give the humor a chance, instead choosing to talk over all the dialogue with my own assortment of curse words and speeches about how the dialogue probably sucked, topping it off with my patented impression of Kazooie’s walking sound (you know what I’m talking about). I made fun of his jump, simply because I could.
Considering I had just rolled out of bed, I surprised even myself with the amount of energy I put into berating the game. Banjo-Kazooie may not have been great, but it really isn’t healthy to harbor this much hatred for a video game. Honestly, the complete and utter inability to even ignore the game scares me a little bit.
…I should probably see a therapist about this. I think people with legitimate trauma in their lives are less angry than I am.