Unfit for duty

I’m starting to think that buying an elliptical machine was a mistake.

No, no — scratch that. It’s actually been a very effective aid in my mission to stop being so flabby. I’ve lost a fair amount of poundage already, which is good; I can actually fit into pants that have been in that sad sort of storage, the hide it in a drawer as an admission of fatness kind of storage, since 2005. That the beginning of what historians now refer to “the great expansion,” or what my girlfriend refers to as “you turned 30, so what do you expect.” They don’t fit comfortably, at least not yet, but I’m almost there. So that’s good.

But man, I wish I hadn’t bought a Schwinn. It is a company with some terrible quality assurance. Bad enough that I had to wait a month after buying the stupid thing to be able to assemble it since they didn’t bother including half the screws and bolts and washers I needed; worse that once I assembled it the whole thing very nearly broke because the instruction manual forgot to mention that, oh, by the way, those half-inch-thick aluminum tubes that weren’t included anywhere in the instructions? Yeah, those are supposed to reinforce the load-bearing joints. But today we entered true “you’ve got to be kidding” territory: the welds broke. Yeah, the joined metal portions at the base of the mast section, fused with intense heat and theoretically one of the strongest points on the machine, just kinda popped loose, rendering the entire thing useless. Awesome. Luckily the frame is warranted for 30 years, but at this point I’m fairly certain that the bulk of those 30 years are going to be spent with the stupid thing half-assembled as I wait for replacement parts.

So I guess what I’m saying is, don’t buy Schwinn stuff.

Meanwhile, I do recommend you download the latest Retronauts. Admittedly, it’s not warranted — but then, it’s also free, so there’s nothing to lose.

Also: I’ve temporarily shut off new registrations for Talking Time due to a massive influx of porn spam this morning. Seriously, it was at least a dozen spambots in the course of a few hours. If for some reason you desperately want to communicate on the forums and have never gotten around to registering, drop me an email and I can add you manually. (This offer not valid for porn-linking spambots.)

11 thoughts on “Unfit for duty

  1. I saw the title of this post and thought for a moment that you were going to be talking about politics.

  2. There is something to lose Jeremy…..time. Then again, I listen to podcasts while playing various mmo’s so i waste time with a never ending game rather than podcasts about “ye olde games.”

    P.S. Great show this week. As long as you and Sharkey stay on the show then everything will be fine.

  3. Congrats on the progess! I have never seen or used Schwinn equipment before, so I cannot vouch for your experience being common. Judging by your exercise equipment history, your exercise regiment might be a little too much for these machines.

  4. Damn it. Porn is so difficult to find on the internet. It would have been nice to have some friendly spambots to tell me where to go. Now it’ll be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. :/

  5. I knew Schwinn had fallen, but that is a got-damn shame. (The only reason I care is that their frames from the ’80s are a joy to ride on; I have a single-speed converted Worldsport and it = love.)

  6. 1UP Show – Episode 153 (when talking about MegaMan 9), go to 8:30 in the video and listen to how Jeremy pronounces “ruined”. Then watch the season 7 premiere of Family Guy (aired this past Sunday on Fox) and see how Brian lambasts Stewie for pronouncing it the same way that Jeremy did. Ha ha ha.

  7. If Family Guy says something is stupid or wrong, that thing is clearly the correct option.

  8. How dare you question the integrity of a fox program! Once again the angry left reveals its divisive and partisan nature! You just don’t get it, Parish. Proper pronunciation is essential to patriotic victory.

  9. I don’t check the site for a few days, and in my absence an egregious error about metals processing is made! The welded joint will always be the weakest point of your fitness monstrosity. In addition, the strength of those welds are completely dependent on the speed that Mr. Weldman worked. This can come down to if he was being paid by the hour or by the inch of weld (it happens). These are fascinating issues similar to what I deal with at work every day.

    Please, visit my new site, metalspite, where we will all discuss metals and I will attract the occasional psychotic fan!

Comments are closed.