Not once but twice this year I’ve experienced a mild case of pink eye. This distresses me, because I’ve never had it before in my life (at least not since I’ve been old enough to remember such things), and because I’m seriously grossed out by the disease’s most common vector. Say it with me now: Feces. Yum. How embarrassing, too.
It’s really rather baffled me. I’m a bit obsessive-compulsive about cleanliness, washing my hands immediately after contact with any door, ATM machine or bus or train handle. I don’t actually touch most doors with my hands, using the edge of my sleeve instead. I wash so thoroughly in the bathroom I could probably safely perform surgery afterwards. So how could I possibly end up with a disease most commonly spread by rubbing crap in your eyes? It was a mystery! At least until the girlfriend noted that in both cases the affliction has appeared a few days after a long-distance airline flight.
So that’s just great. Not only is air travel expensive and impossibly inconvenient, our airplanes are full of free-floating particulate poop. Awesome. I propose a new motto for United: “Come fly the feculent skies.” Of course, I should probably switch to another airline now, but…once I make my trip to PAX I’ll totally qualify for their elite flier program, which means free upgrades and stuff.
So I guess I’ll just, you know, wear goggles when I travel from now on.