GameSpite Issue 9.1: The Beating Up Kindergartners Episode

Finally! Issue 9 is underway, now that I’m past my three-week gauntlet of travel and trade events. Dear everyone in charge of scheduling these shows: I hate you so much. Especially you E3 guys — seriously, you’ve dropped the ball so bad. So, so bad. This week’s theme appears to be tiny girls and violence.

Nintendo 64: The Wander Years
Technically this Nintendo 64 retrospective doesn’t fit the theme, but I’ll allow it given that the system had all the stamina of a tiny girl in a boxing match against a heavyweight champ. “Wander Years” is not a typo; it’s an acknowledgement that the N64’s lifetime was filled not with amazing things (at least not after the first month or so) but with aimless itinerance.
Drill Dozer
I think Drill Dozer might actually win some sort of prize for having the best gameplay relative to the worst character designs. How that freakish little girl Jill came from the people responsible for 490 infinitely adorable Pokémon (and, uh, Mr. Mime) is beyond my ken. However, the action was exceptional, and Kishi duly hagiographizes it. (That is not a real word.)
Super Puyo Puyo Tsuu Remix
Finally, wumpwoast confesses his weird obsession with shouting at tiny girls with rather blue language in this shocking exposé on the Satan-battling wonders of the second Puyo Puyo game. Remember when you could actually keep track of all the versions of Puyo Puyo, except not really because none of them were called Puyo Puyo? Yeah, me neither.

14 thoughts on “GameSpite Issue 9.1: The Beating Up Kindergartners Episode

  1. Yes…well, I’m not going to ask it every time you make a post, just until you answer the question. :-)

  2. Um… it’s “ken,” not “kin.”

    Fun fact: “ken” shares a root with “canny,” which means that you should read “uncanny” as meaning “beyond the scope of knowledge.”

  3. Great update today. Interesting metaphor with N64 = Nintendo’s adolescence. Just imagine though if Nintendo’s blind spot this time with the Wii, lack of HD graphics that cost them various core titles such as Soul Calibur IV, became their undoing as lack of CD-ROM was a decade ago.

    And Super Puyo Puyo Tsu Remix, as with others in the series, also has that mermaid who becomes paranoid that people want her flesh for immortality. I wonder what kind of crack Compile was on when they designed all those characters, and if those involved could outdo the Parodius series if they brought said wackiness to a shooter series. Either way, fun article, though it wasn’t as far in depth into highlighting the differences between it and other versions of Puyo. But I guess that’s what Hardcore Gaming 101 is for.

  4. I’ve only read the N64 article, but I’ll geet to the others- those should be fun!

    Uh, Parish? You obviously know nothing about Pokemon if you think Mr. Mime is the only unadorable one. Take a look at Mime Jr…

  5. In response to the Nintendo 64 article;

    Dude, Conker’s Bad Fur Day was a great game. Aside from that, you’re pretty much right all around.

  6. Just to satisfy your curiosity for details, cartman, know that the most fun I had prepping this article involved playing against 3 CPUs in Remix’s “enhanced” 4-player mode (the older version required at least 3 or 4 human players). It’s a highlight because the CPU plays crazy-hard but still fair. I believe the only other differences are the impossibly-hard “World Tour” against all enemies and a couple small options.

    I would totally buy into Compile frutiness in a shooter — especially if it was a vertical-scrolling Zanac clone starring Car-kun!

    This issue is rare and precious so far — I know all these systems and games! :) The Drill Dozer shots have a great sense of action, and Jeremy seriously improved the humor and clarity of the Puyo Puyo piece. You spoony frog you.

  7. Yatta! I’ll do your idea one better and have it be a Zanac/Aleste clone set in the Madou/Puyo-verse. Gradius and Star Soldier got their wacky offshoots, so why not one of Compile’s?

    In the Saturn version of Madou Monogatari, Carbuncle will jump out at random, Interceptor style, and shoot out a laser from his jewel, inflicting massive hurt upon the enemy. There’s also a cute scene briefly into the game where Arle and Carbuncle chow down on some curry after getting back home, set to a down tempo variation of the PP Sun music.

    I can’t believe I haven’t yet tried facing off against three CPU opponents yet. Then again, I’d always attempt the tower mode.

  8. I love falling block puzzle games in all shapes and sizes. One of my fondest memories is from a maddening multi-game tournament my arcade games club set up one year, one game of which was Money Idol Exchanger. I’m pretty sure the companies that design these kinds of games are on something hallucenogenic when they come up with some of their characters.

  9. Cartman – the thing with eating mermaid flesh to gain immortality is a pretty standard part of Japanese mythology, though I don’t know the tale’s origin. It shows up all over the place, including being the focal plot point of an entire Rumiko Takahashi manga series.

    I had a version of Puyo Puyo on my Mac in college which was great primarily because it was trivially easy to use ResEdit to change all the sprites. We made some very off custom versions to play with, including craziness such as making certain puyos turn invisible once connected. Fun times.

  10. In response to the N64 article.

    Great article overall, although I felt that the use of “casuals”, “hardcore” etc detracted from the writing significantly. These terms make little sense, generally speaking, but in the context of your article they didn’t sound too great.

    I liked how you linked the N64 to adoloesence and tied it altogether.

Comments are closed.