Dropping Monday hate like Garfield, yo

You know, the comics have it all wrong. The real problem with Mondays isn’t spiders or lack of lasagna or whatever. It’s the fact that every Monday we publish these game and movie release columns, which serve as a stark testament to the shallow horribleness of modern culture.

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See, this is totally what I’m talking about. OK, so maybe ”Extras” is good, but Xenosaga was turned into an anime that somehow managed to screw up even the easy, can’t-miss parts. We’re doomed. And when movies about Dane Cook as a sexed–up ladykiller pass as entertainment, you know things are about to go the way of the Roman Empire.
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And come to that, Samurai Warriors: Katana is pretty much a calling card for the Visigoths. “Dear sirs, our emperor appears to be an inbred halfwit and our senate is a corrupt figurehead institution and the lead in our aqueduct pipes has given us all brain damage. Someone, somewhere will be paying money for Miami Nights. Please sack our nation for our own benefit.”

19 thoughts on “Dropping Monday hate like Garfield, yo

  1. Somebody told me that Good Luck Chuck was pretty funny, so I’m going to take the hit for the team here and actually watch it.

  2. You know, that’s like standing at the top of a tall tree in an otherwise empty field during a lightning storm, screaming insults at god.

  3. I might be struck down, or I might be struck and given super powers like that one kid in that one episode of The X-Files.

  4. With all the entertainment choices available to me in the world, I can’t imagine a scenario where watching Good Luck Chuck would be possible.

  5. Or you’re forced to choose between the movie or playing out the wonderful poster where you’re the blond and Dane Cook is Robert Reed. (seven posts in and already an AIDs joke)

  6. It’s not culture that sucks — it’s the producers of these DVDs and games that suck. Cause they make money off of idiots and that makes the whole of us look like assholes.

    Not sure what exactly you can do about this… other than personally deny the power of producers and distributors to create culture. There we go — that’s my official line.

  7. Speaking of the end of culture, do you have any idea when the next Retro Roundup is going up? Is it dead by any chance?

  8. Jet Pilot has a nice suggestion for the Blu-Ray only section but I was thinking something along the lines of “One of Sony’s few successful attempts at getting people to accept one of their proprietary formats.” Either that or “Zyklon-Blu”. Or “take the blu pill”. Or “I got the Blus.”

    “You know, [consenting to watch Good Luck Chuck is] like standing at the top of a tall tree in an otherwise empty field during a lightning storm, screaming insults at god.” Or like agreeing to let Mike Tyson punch you in the face as hard as he can because you think ‘I mean how much could it really hurt anyway?”

  9. That’s it guys. I’m renting Good Luck Chuck tomorrow. And I’ll show you all that I’m not an idiot!
    After the movie, I’m going to punch myself in the testicles. Several times. Still, not an idiot!

  10. Don’t blame me if you end up in a vegetative state after viewing the Dane Cook film. I tried to warn you. I feel like the groundskeeper in a Friday the 13th movie… warning the kids away from certain death but doomed to be ignored because of my crackpot appearance and overwrought presentation. Que sera, I guess, but if Rei is taken out I’m that much closer to becoming Gamespite’s #1 weekly columnist.

    Lot of good ideas in here for the Blu-ray only section. I s’pose it’s still too early to drop HD DVD from the column no matter how much I want to. I know it’s wrong that one multinational corporation’s scheme to get you to rebuy your movies “winning” over another multinational corporation’s scheme to do the same thing pleases me greatly, but there it is.

  11. You guys need to watch the Dennis Rodman action movie Simon Sez from 1999. Dane Cook is the comic relief sidekick, and he randomly spouts oddly out-of-place schtick while the rest of the characters just stand there, not reacting. Also, Dennis Rodman is riding a motorcycle, and he does a corkscrew through a tunnel with a rounded top, but the road and the side walls meet at a 90 degree angle. Also, there is a PG sex scene/fight scene/techno music/disco light scene between Rodman and a female henchman. Not to be confused with Double team.

  12. NitroBike is actually pretty good. It’s an update of Excitebike 64 which was pretty fun to play back in the day.

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