This about sums it up:
Lazing about in happy, suffocating warmth, stuffed with tryptophan and the satisfaction of having made good gift selections for my loved ones. And my mother’s most bizarre Christmas invention yet looming in the background: a tree lit entirely with purple glow bracelets. I am sad to say it doesn’t have a single pacifier hanging from the branches.
Note the lack of allegedly humorous text overlaid atop the kitten, there. That is my Christmas gift to you. No, wait, actually — I just found half a dozen sets of ToastyFrog and Rorita buttons that I will mail to the first six people who give me their mailing address. That is my Christmas gift to you. Well, six of you.
Edit: Aaaaand they’re gone. Next time, chumps! Er, I mean, chums.