After many glasses of work

I’ve experienced my very first leak. Internet leak, I mean. The cover story I wrote for the next EGM? It’s out in the wild, and the issue hasn’t even left the printer, yet. The delicious part is that thanks to embargoes and other such nonsense, 1UP can’t actually write about what’s been leaked — and reported at many other sites, pretty much verbatim — until next month.

I would be horribly disillusioned by this, except that I already knew the ancient mechanisms of the gaming press are untenable. Particularly its quaint reliance on getting permission to do pretty much anything from PR people who simply don’t understand the dynamics of the Internet. So no, this doesn’t change anything. I find myself wishing daily that I had the skill and intelligence to anything besides write about video games, and things like this merely add another layer to the delicious cake of ennui that is life.

Nothing to do now but make myself feel better by making fun of Tetsuya Nomura, via what appears to be a screen shot of Final Fantasy XIII.

Wait, are those samurai helmets on dudes wearing armor and, uh, man-garters? Made entirely of belts? Glowing belts? Man, my heart’s not even in this. There’s just no challenge anymore.

21 thoughts on “After many glasses of work

  1. Well that totally sucks about the leak. Is there any hope of discovering who was responsible for it? I have no idea what kind of steps could be taken legally for you to get vengeance, but you could always use your internet celebrity to summon forumites to make their life misery.

  2. I’m pretty sure Final Fantasy XIII will make fun itself for us. Saves us the trouble of playing it, I suppose. Too bad it’ll still be immensely popular thanks to the brand recognition.

  3. Look at it this way: someone was so psyched to read something that you wrote that they risked their job to get it, and then they tried to share it with the whole world. Okay, maybe the game had something to do with it. But it will still be the highest selling issue of EGM this year. You should celebrate.

    ATTN. Sharkey: Take this man out for a drink.

  4. Belts, buckles, and zippers, oh my!

    Seriously, I don’t know why Square always choses Nomura for character design on their main franchises. I’m not fond of his style. Reminds me too much of…Falcoon.

  5. Eh, it’s not like the leak impacts me in any way. It’s just annoying for the same reason an advance leak of an album or game is annoying — people need to have a little respect, is all.

    I think Square would be wise to use Nomura art in fewer projects; whether or not you like his style, it’s never good for everything to look the same. Toriyama’s Dragon Quest art is one thing, because it unifies the series’ look; Nomura, on the other hand, homogenizes many different series. I can’t wait to see Aya Brea’s jeans-and-T-shirt look updated with mad zippers!!

  6. Well, it’s camo. No sense in dressing in earthy patterns if you’re battling in shiny neon-tinted megalopolises. Those dudes are pretty much invisible when they’re standing in front of an interactive holographic billboard.

  7. I would have gone with Scorpion halfheartedly doing Tron cosplay.

    Glass half full, man. You’re right up there with J.K. Rowling now, baby!

  8. Well, I’m not waiting so there’s no need to be patient. It’s Square’s problem, not mine. I can live with the past FFs I do respect.

  9. Wait? Was there an announcement of a new Parasite Eve game that I somehow missed, or are you just picking a completely random character for an example?

  10. A new Parasite Eve game was announced at the Square Enix party in May. For mobile phones. Square Enix, they hate you so hard.

  11. I have the skill and intelligence to revolutionize the movie theater business, transportation and energy, and American democracy. I guess I’d be a pundit if I couldn’t do all these cool things.

  12. Kolbe – dude, FF has been getting whored out for years now, but FFXII was still amazing.

    Um, not that I’m saying FFXIII won’t be a neon train-wreck. Just that if something else of FFXII’s quality managed to come down the pipe and you ignored it because the franchise lacked “integrity” or whatevah, it would be kind of a shame.

  13. FFXII is amazing? Yes it is. Never said it wasn’t. It’s in fact one of my favorites (the others being FFVI and FFIX).

  14. I don’t mean to be like a fawning sycophant who only ever posts to tell you how much I dig your writing, Jemmy, but…

    Hmm. The fact that this isn’t, to the casual bystander, at all surprising, is a sad indictment of the state of gaming journalism. The fact that it’s got a feller of your ability wanting to rise out of said field is an even sadder indictment.

    You do what you do with integrity and standards, and the people making it difficult traffic primarily on their lack thereof; and in that equation, the guys that act like you do tend to be the guys that come out on top.

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