Wash your mouth

“Does this taste like soap to you?”

It wasn’t that strange a query. The restaurant in question serves impressively fresh sashimi, but half the time their cups and bowls have a slightly bleachy odor to them. I sniffed my own bowl hesistantly. And yeah, beneath the sweetly salty tang of miso was a hint of soap.

“I don’t understand why their dishes always smell like this,” she complained. “It’s nice to know they’re so clean, but the smell is disgusting.”

“Maybe it’s a language problem,” I offered. “In Japanese, S-O-U-P would be pronounced ‘soap,’ so I can understand the confusion.”

Her silent response suggested she was either amused but pretending not to be or else she simply wasn’t amused. I chose to believe the former.

“Or,” I added, “it could have been the ambiguity of Ls and Rs in Japanese. Maybe the recipe called for ‘rye’ but they added ‘lye’ instead.”

She shook her head. “You’ll keep this up all night, won’t you?”

I held my breath and sipped at my soapy soup. “Probably.”

Epilogue: Then we went home and she gave me a copy of Snakes on a Plane as an early Valentine’s gift. Best date ever.

32 thoughts on “Wash your mouth

  1. You’re not in Japan anymore; therefore, I choose not to live vicariously through you, Jeremy Parish! I hope Tim Rogers updates his blog today, he might have talked to a woman!

  2. Unlike Tim, I didn’t make this up! It happened last night, in San Francisco with a girlfriend whose existence people can actually vouch for! Also, she was born in Vietnam and constantly makes fun of Asian accents. This was me being participatory rather than a jerk. So you both fail. So hard.

  3. in other news, i’m gonna stop by 1up next week, just to say hi. just in case, y’know, you wanted to plan a business trip to somewhere else.

  4. I’ve found a few restaurants with the bleach problem, so I feel your pain. Right now I’m struggling with my wife’s lowfat oatmeal every morning. When she makes it it smells distinctly of cat urine. By the time we get home from work, the entire house smells of curry (which I do not like – sorry).

    I don’t understand it.

  5. Snakes on a Plane? I’d have that stupid oh-thank-you-very-much-but-not-rly Christmas present grin.

  6. Snakes on a Plane is terrible, but in the spirit of terrible ’70s movies, which means it’s redeemed by camp. It even has a lousy score by Trevor Rabin, the man who ruined Yes! Too many people are making bad movies these days, but too few have the decency to be completely upfront about it. And for that reason I appreciate Snakes on a Plane. Plus, she got it used, to complete the circle of… something. I dunno.

  7. I have a suggestion for a Retronauts podcast: Sonic the Hedgehog.

    You could analyze the games, the Sega vs Nintendo era, and their recent decline in quality. Also he perhaps may appear on Smash Bros Brawl.

    Sonic Wii is coming soon so I think it’s the right time (I still think the game will fail though). Oh, and you can bash Sonic 360 also.

  8. “she was born in Vietnam and constantly makes fun of Asian accents.”

    This relationship is destined for tragedy. Protip: do not talk to her by the waterfall

  9. I ate pho for the first time last summer. Good stuff. We walked blocks to “the only Vietnamese restaurant in Toronto” and passed about three others on the way back.

  10. Hmm… maybe I should give my wife her Valentine’s gift early! A Pikachu Vanity Bag and cute work supplies (push pins with puppy faces, etc.). Does it get more romantic than that? :-P

  11. Look, sir. The score has its problems, sure. But you cannot discuss the soundtrack without mentioning Cobra Starship’s opus! Snakes on a Plane, the song from the movie, is a modern epic. With lyrics like these, you barely even need to see the movie. Let your ears do the watchin’:

    Ladies and gentlemen
    These snakes are slitherin’
    with dollar signs in they eyes
    with tongues so reptilian

    Dollar signs in their eyes, indeed. Plus, it features the chick from The Sounds! If you haven’t heard Tony the Beat yet, well, you certainly don’t know what annoying is, my friend. Oh, yeah, she’s blonde? Does that interest you at all? How about the third world figure? Hot right? You can’t get spank material from Milan fashion shows, so why not just ogle Boney Bonerton?

  12. Hahaha! Maybe they’re applying soap and cheaping out on the water? Which would mean they’re actually not very clean… from my understanding, dishes(plates, or anything, ect.) are only truly cleaned when soap and water are applied…

  13. I can tell I’m hungry right now, because out of all that what I notice best is how little garnish they seem to have given you.

  14. Snakes on a Plane would have been a more satisfying film, if it had a showdown with the giant snake at the end like in Tremors.

  15. Dammit parish, I come to the internets so I don’t have to listen to sappy stories like this. Why must you defile my last bastion of loneliness?

  16. Tim Rogers did not invent the vignette. You people need to read more things that don’t involve video games.

  17. “I can tell I’m hungry right now, because out of all that what I notice best is how little garnish they seem to have given you.”
    If I’m hungry, I couldn’t care less what/how much garnish there is…

    Sadly, I felt clever when I finally realized the SoaP bit…19 hours after I first read it.

  18. Actually yeah. In the poorly-subtitled Hong Kong movies I used to watch, “soup” WAS often substituted for “soap”. The first time I saw it used was something along the lines of “don’t play with your soup in the bath.” Sad part is, it took me 3 viewings to grasp what was happening.

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