So what was the most unsettling part of last night’s midnight Wii launch? Let’s recollect and see!
Was it being approached by a total stranger who recognized me by sight and wanted to comment on my Zelda review? (Sorry, AMN dude, I didn’t get your name.) No, not really; he was quite cordial and complimentary. Now if I had been Jeff Gerstmann, or he had been an Ultimate Ghosts ‘N Goblins fan (I hear they number about two dozen, and they’re all brimming with hate), it might have taken a turn for the ugly. As it was, though, it was simply a reminder that I really need to stick to my principles and show up on the 1UP Show much less frequently so I can’t be spotted as easily. Or maybe wear a fake mustache in public.
Was it my girlfriend’s odd decision that since we were headed up to Fisherman’s Wharf she should take a classmate along to work on a photo shoot? Fortunately, no; although two women out on their own in the dark of San Francisco at 1 a.m. are practically courting trouble, the only freaky junkie type they encountered was actually quite sedate and mostly seemed baffled at what they were doing. Bullet dodged.
Was it sitting in an In ‘N Out Burger for an hour and a half with a bag filled with $400 of high-demand electronics, surrounded by rowdy drunkards out for the late-night alcohol sponge that only fast food can provide, waiting for the photo shoot to wrap up after running way over schedule? No, but very close! I especially enjoyed all the people who swaggered up to me and wanted to know what was in the bag. Each encounter was like a tiny trip to the precipice of Danger.
No, I think the prize goes to the guy at the next table, who wanted to know if I had just bought a PS3. “No, a Wii,” I said.
“Oh,” he replied. “How many graphics does that have?”
It was a fate worse than being mugged: I had no earthly idea how to respond to that question.
Runner-up: Knowing that I wasted a bunch of money on crappy Virtual Console games after volunteering to do write-ups for work. At the very least, I hope I can expense Altered Beast — that game was a waste of cash back when it was a free pack-in with the Genesis, and at eight bucks it’s a steal. But not in a good way.
Apologies. That image is uncharacteristically meme-ish.
66 thoughts on “Wii Terror”
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The worst thing about this entry is knowing you paid $8 to put a furry on your Wii. And that is just so wrong on so many different levels….
Question: Do you get to select the region of what Virtual Console store you shop at? Could you potentially set your region as Japan and buy Japanese language games? Along the same lines, could you set your region to Japan and play Wii/Cube games on discs that came from Japan? The masses (of importing nerds and Japanese speakers) want to know.
I have my Wii. I truly love it. My friends and I even enjoyed Wii Sports, we found it to be a great way to get used to the Wiimote, though tennis sucked. I would comment more, like how awesome Zelda and Marvel Ultimate Alliance are, but I want to get back to playing.
Haha love the “How many graphics” encounter.
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Im enjoying the Wii so far. My one problem is that the Wii shop channel is down which could be from a flood of nostalgic zombies (like myself) trying to log on. Anyone else getting a server connect error “209601” to be exact?
That altered beast picture has me laughing out of control. forgot to mention that
Altered Beast? It seems Sega had a great idea: “Wiise fwom youw gwave!”
There’s no region switch — well, maybe for Wii discs (Nintendo ALWAYS uses simple physical switches, and reportedly the Freeloader works for GC games), but not for the firmware. If you wanna download Japanese games, you’ll have to buy a Japanese Wii. Likewise European VC titles.
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My Retronauts compulsion requires me to get a JP Wii, much to my annoyance. Stupid geek hindbrain.
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I did my shopping at about 3 a.m. so my downloads were speedy and reliable. Give it a few days, or try logging on at off-peak hours. Any online service is always bogged down at its debut.
No religiion switch?!?! What is this?!!? I demanahd re;ogious console f redeoiorm!
ps;l. i’mn cdrujnlk
I waited for four hours in -10 degree weather to get a Wii with Twilight Princess. By the end of it, I couldn’t feel my feet. The moments when I could feel them were painful. Yay for Alaska! Oh well,I was able to hate myself much less when I realized that if I had started two hours later, the store would have sold out of Twilight Princess long before I arrived at the front of the line, which would have left me with Spongebob or Avatar or something.
I have to respect (pity) the two guys in front of the line, though. They had been waiting since six or seven in the morning. When I secured my spot in line about thirteen hours later, there had been only four or five people there, including those two.
“reportedly the Freeloader works for GC games”
Does that include the Freeloader included with Action Replay? I believe I have the most up to date version, to boot.
And you paid that much for Altered Beast when there’s a perfectly fine Genesis Collection out there for 20 bucks? Come on, Ristar! Phantasy Star IV! Golden Ax! Strider 3! Zaxxon! A pointless arcade version of Altered Beast! And still no Streets of Rage despite the fact that Sega has no good excuse this time!
So wait, I have to ask, were the VC games bad due to anything technical with the VC service, or are you referring to the games themselves? (Altered Beast being obvious, but hey, just seeking clarification.)
I remember playing a good port of (non-super) Mario Bros. at some point in my childhood. I assumed it was the NES version, but after downloading it on VC I must conclude it was the 7800 version as the NES one is pretty bland. It was as if the five bucks I spent was completely virtual since I don’t think I will be playing it again any time soon. Lesson learned: the place for experimentation with games of yesteryear is something like Gametap where you don’t have to pay per download. I’ll be spending my future points on tried and true classics. Like Kid Icarus and Ice Hockey.
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My biggest launch disapointment? I was prepared to come home without component cables. They would be in stock soon, no big deal. My store had not been sent any accessories. No remotes. No nunchucks. No classic controllers. Nada, zip, zilch. And what’s up with the weather and news channels? Where’s Opera? If everything else about Wii wasn’t completely awesome, I would be really annoyed.
In regards to the Freeloader, I’m still using the one I picked up back when Soul Calibur 2 came out in Japan and it works flawlessly on the US Wii.
“How many graphics does that have?”
Laughing Out Loud for reals yo…
Mr. Nicolai-
From what I’ve read the Weather/News Channels won’t be up until December/January.
(http://www.gamesarefun.com/news.php?newsid=7240)
The correct answer to the “How many graphics” question is “All of them.”
Four.
The Wii has four graphics.
Besides the lousy selection and the fact that the system distorts VC titles on widescreen TVs (forcing you to switch your TV’s mode, which is annoying), Virtual Console is really solid. Amazingly good emulation… which I guess is to be expected, since, you know, it’s Nintendo’s own consoles.
“How many graphics does that have?”
“Thwii”
Wait, so how did you respond? There’s so many things wrong with that question, I’m wondering how you got around it.
Lotsa graphics man! It is radical dude! Like awesome! I was going to say something but if I say it I may ruin the fun of lots of people, so, no.
Aw, MAN.
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Seeing all this console launch craziness makes me sad; see, Michelle and I don’t plain have the money for preorders, though it’s looking like by December I’d have enough money to get her a Wii as a Xmas surprise… but with the way there’s the whole console mania over preordered ones, will there even be any left to uy then?
Pixles: Thanks for the info.
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Shawn: The impression I got from my local store was that there was more on the way, and the shortage was for nerds like me who just had to have their precious new toy on launch day. As long as you don’t wait until the last minute, I don’t think you’ll have too much trouble finding a Wii before X-mas. (My girlfriend loves it, BTW. But with only one remote in the house, things might get ugly)
I decided to hold off on getting a Wii largely because of title selection and the list of titles coming out for the next six months or so. There’s also the fact that I don’t have wireless internet and don’t particularly want to buy that dongle usb attachment that Nintendo is selling. I think I’ll wait and see how the Gamecube version of Zelda does. I’d be afraid if I were Jeff Gerstmann to even take a step outside of my house. Talk about fervent fanboy frothing at the mouth. Frightening.
In that guy’s defense, he was probably really drunk and/or high. But anyway. I think that just because we’re all nerds and we keep up on this sort of thing, we shouldn’t act as if everyone knows what we know about games. I realize that asking how many graphics something has is ridiculous, but the truth is that the average person doesn’t check Kotaku/Joystiq/1up etc. daily. They don’t check it ever. People just don’t know about these things.
Have you played Sonic yet Parish? How well is the blast processing emulated?
It’s blast-tastic.
Isn’t the term blast-tacular. Or perhaps I’m mistaken.
I hate you guys waving yer wiis in the wind, like you were somebody. I am very annoyed I will not be getting one, perhaps for months as my city is sold out and the Best Buy gave the extremely discouraging “definately before christmas”
Oh lord, why have you forsaken me?
chud–I guaran-damn-tee they get more before “Black Friday.”
Seriously, Tomm, you forget your history about Blast Processing, there’s no way Nintendo could emulate it. Remember: Only the Genesis can do blast processing!
I do love the Wii, though, even though I don’t have one. Wii Sports is fun as hell once you get into training mode, although the regular mode sucks with only 1 wiimote. Man, it feels boring using a regular controller now… Thankfully all my gaming these days is done with racing wheels.
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As a Best Buy employee with an ear to the ground, I hear that we’ll be getting another shipment in pretty soon, but looking at inventory reports my store has about 45 on order, but non in transit yet. Which makes Black Friday unlikely, but possible.
Sonic? On a Nintendo system? But ‘you can’t do that on Nintendon’t’! I wonder if the Genesis is using blast processing to spin in its grave really really quickly now. What has the world come to?!
Im in Canada; we had thanks giving alst month. So I dont know if they will be in such a hurry to provide them to us here during that time. And I am too far from the border to get to Montana to buy one. Woe (Whoa! Joey Lawrence style) is me!
“I’d be afraid if I were Jeff Gerstmann to even take a step outside of my house. Talk about fervent fanboy frothing at the mouth. Frightening.”
So frightened he has another IGN editor make an extremely stupid blog post allegedly justifying the review. Do you know that TP uses *gasp* the same basic plot as all the other Zelda games? Except when, you know, it doesn’t? Okay okay, the same basic plot devices! Like, Ganon, and the Triforce and stuff! Except, when, you know, it doesn’t. And it uses the same gameplay conventions! Like collecting heart pieces for another heart container! I guess they should have been kidneys or a “sun token” or something else instead. Maybe it’s to draw the heat off Jeff. Jeff just was bad with the controls and seemed to expect *everything* to be different. The other editor is just a moron.
“Amazingly good emulation… which I guess is to be expected, since, you know, it’s Nintendo’s own consoles.”
The Dreamcast Smash Pack says “OUCH!”
“Sonic? On a Nintendo system? But ‘you can’t do that on Nintendon’t’! I wonder if the Genesis is using blast processing to spin in its grave really really quickly now. What has the world come to?!”
If it makes you feel better, the GBA enhanced port of Sonic 1 is absolutely terrible. As was the GBA Smash Pack and the remake of Revenge of Shinobi on GBA.
So frightened he has another *Gamespot* editor, rather.
Yeah, you can tell I’m no regular there.
How many… graphics… does it have. Wow. Was it, I mean, maybe an elderly person or what? Wow. I could go on about how funny that is, but I need to run a virus scan. I think someone stoeled my megahurtz.
While I haven’t experienced the Twilight Princess it does seem like several of Gerstmann’s problems with the game aren’t too outlandish. Is it too much to ask to have the characters use real voices instead of text? Why don’t they use an orchestrated soundtrack instead of another MIDI fest? That the controls feel tacked on to a game that was built for the ‘Cube? I’m not saying anything myself about the new Zelda, but I don’t think the things he brought up too crazy. I stand by the frightening fanboy frothing though, what with the dozens of message boards claiming that he committed some sort of sacrilege. Once again I don’t make any comment on the game myself as I have not played it, but heaven forbid has a negative thing or two to say while still generally enjoying the game.
No voice acting in Zelda. Ever.
My thoughts exactly.
What, you think Link’s voice would be annoying or something? Well excuuuuuuuuuse me!
Nice job, hero.
I don’t like voice acting. Well, maybe when it’s hilariously awful (“I’m such a greedy girl!”), but that brings its own problems (fortunately, it was hard enough to take Baten Kaitos’ story seriously even without the awful VA).
Zelda fanboys scare me, but (and I’ve said this before) the devout Okami cultists deeply bother me as well.
Hey, I just called Ocarina of Time the worst game of the Zelda series at one point (ie not a bad game, just bad in comparison to other Zeldas) and got death threats, so your fear of Zelda fanboys is well founded spineshark.
People still look at me funny when I say I liked the GB/GBC Zeldas better than OoT/MM/WW. Then again, most of my friends are either frothing Nintendo nerds or Sony nerds, so it makes gatherings interesting. We’re all Halo fans though, lol. I know I’ll like TP, but I can just see myself roaming across the overworld for hours on end just to explore…
“Why don’t they use an orchestrated soundtrack instead of another MIDI fest?”
…cuz it’s originally a GC game so you’d have to keep the sound data small enough to fit on the GC disc? I mean, is that so hard to understand?
Also, for someone who hasn’t played the game, I don’t think you can really say that his opinion of “tacked on controls” was valid, because the only way you could know is to play it. EVERYONE except him disagrees, so… As for this “Supposed to be a GC game” nonsense, it’s been a Wii game for a YEAR. There are entire games built from the ground up in less time than that. It was PLENTY of time to adapt the control scheme and it totally works.
If the game has “been a Wii game for a YEAR” maybe they could have upgraded the MIDI music on the Wii version which apparently you can explain though since it was originally a GameCube game. Is that so hard to understand? If they had “PLENTY” of time to adapt the control scheme they could have also worked out some of the sound weaknesses of the GameCube. The GameCube Zelda scored the same numbers in Famitsu where they mentioned the “precise control” of the standard control scheme. I don’t personally care much about the difference between 8.8 and 9.0 scores that a site might give out, but I’m amazed that some people won’t admit that their beloved game might have some issues and weaknesses.
“What, you think Link’s voice would be annoying or something? Well excuuuuuuuuuse me!”
Well, just as long as it’s as good as the quality voice acting in Samurai Legend Musashi. Ah, that Musashi. He’s gonna be a samurai someday!
The same reason they didn’t change the graphics–they wanted the Wii and GC games to be identical. Except for the control, which they have been working on for a year on Wii.
“I’m amazed that some people won’t admit that their beloved game might have some issues and weaknesses.”
But that I’ve played it and formed my own opinion? I’m not arguing “OMG THEY RATED ZELDA LESS TAHN 10 SO THEY ARE WRONGZORZ!!!” I have formed my own opinion which disagrees w/ the reviewer. That’s legal in this state.
I don’t know where this nonsense about the Gamecube sound hardware being limited is coming from. The hardware’s on a par with any of the last gen, and with half-decent compression and judicial use of synthesis a fully orchestral-sounding score would’ve been attainable, even with the limited storage. It was an aesthetic choice. In fact, both the points Gertmann raised about the sound (the lack of voice acting and a synthetic score) are criticisms of deliberate design choices, which do bring his objectivity into question. An objective criticism would be that the text boxes do not function well, or that the synthetic-sounding score is poorly composed, or delivered at varying volume. None of these are true, but if they were they’d be valid objections. Criticising a game because it does not have the feature set that you prefer, regardless of the actual quality of the alternative implementation, brings the merit of the review into question – it’d be like me reviewing Gears of War and marking it down because the score is too realistic and the game’s aesthetic choices don’t appeal to me. That’s fine for a blog piece, but it’s debateable how objective GameSpot should seek to be.
I imagine that it is legal in every state. But is there nothing wrong with Zelda? Is it right in every way? Was Nintendo right not to optimize the Wii version with sound improvements not possible on the GameCube game? I’m always amazed when someone’s opinion is that a game doesn’t have any problems, as whether you agree with all of Gerstmann’s flaws or not several sound reasonable. I’ve never played the perfect game and even my favorites have weaknesses which willing to admit.
It’s not legal in Utah.
“it’d be like me reviewing Gears of War and marking it down because the score is too realistic and the game’s aesthetic choices don’t appeal to me”
Don’t reviewers on many sites do that all the time? Game reviews always speak about the music and some level of subjectivity must be employed. Everyone has an opinion on which RPG has the best music, but I don’t know who can objectively tell me what is right. Aesthetic choices factor into reviews all the time too. Resistance:Fall of Man has been knocked about soundly because of its similarity to Half-Life 2. In the end I find that most sites that review video games are attempting to tell me how much fun or engrossing a game is, and I don’t know how they can be objective and measure fun.
“It’s not legal in Utah.”
I always forget about Utah. Tricky people and their salty lake.
“Don’t reviewers on many sites do that all the time? Game reviews always speak about the music and some level of subjectivity must be employed.” Agreed, and it could reasonably be argued that a numerical expression of any experience as subjective as a game is intrinsically flawed by definition – an argument that in my mind applies more directly to film and even more so to music. My point was that in this case the reviewer was perhaps criticising something wider than the game itself, without providing the framework of his own tastes that would be more apparent in a blog.
“intrinsically flawed by definition”
Woo for redundancy. It’s been a long day…
“[Gertman’s criticisms] are criticisms of deliberate design choices, which do bring his objectivity into question”
… to reiterate Nicholai’s point, deliberate design choices are completely fair game for criticism. If I think feature X in a game is bad, why should it matter if they *intended* it to be bad? Either way it’s still bad!
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I guess this is even more reiteration, but I also don’t want objective reviewers, and I don’t think you want objective reviewers either. You don’t really care if the game successfully executes its design goals, or if the feature set meets some strict criteria.
You care if the game is FUN. And that’s fundamentally subjective. All the reviewer can do is tell you if it’s fun, and why.
It’s up to you to figure out: Do the critic’s reasons work for you? Do you share the critic’s tastes?
When you start being nitpicky about the music is when I start to think the reviewer’s reaching a bit. What little I’ve heard of TP’s OST sounds just fine, your typical Zelda-ish music. Granted, as stated above, if the sampling rate and compression make the music sound wonky, that’s a problem, but otherwise…nah. Regardless, this guy’s review just looks like he’s trying to bash the Wii’s killer app by making outrageous claims that most other reviewers have refuted. I dunno, maybe the guy has the ‘ol claw hand and can’t use the wiimote properly. As much as people rag on Sony and MS, the amount of crap that gets spewed on Nintendo by both sides of the fence is insane.
“Agreed, and it could reasonably be argued that a numerical expression of any experience as subjective as a game is intrinsically flawed by definition”
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Er, numerical expression is not a claim to objectivity. We can have a subjective numerical scale; it just rates how much the critic liked it. So, no. I don’t think it could be reasonably argued. Feel free to prove me wrong, though.
“I also don’t want objective reviewers, and I don’t think you want objective reviewers either. You don’t really care if the game successfully executes its design goals, or if the feature set meets some strict criteria.
You care if the game is FUN. And that’s fundamentally subjective. All the reviewer can do is tell you if it’s fun, and why.”
Actually, mostly when I read reviews I do so because I want to find out if the game has delivered on its design goals – whether they’re well implemented. The subjective “is it fun” bit… I disagree so routinely with such commentary that I really don’t listen much these days. I just want to know if there are any deal breakers like low framerate, glitchy controls etc. So no – I do want objective reviews. That doesn’t mean that I find subjective, less serious commentary on games somehow distasteful, by the way; I wouldn’t be here if that was the case.
“Er, numerical expression is not a claim to objectivity.”
Maybe not in all cases, but it’d be ridiculous to claim that review scores don’t strive for objectivity.
Is Zelda the perfect game? I don’t know. Does it have flaws? None that I’ve found so far. What about the reviewer’s complaints? I’ve played enough to address every issue–and yes, I think he’s wrong on all of them. The only sound that I’d qualify as “bad” is that sometimes the internal Wii Remote speaker (primarily the “secret” tone) is scratchy.
But, I can’t count that as a “flaw” because it’s a pretty low-end speaker. Criticizing the game because that tiny speaker didn’t sound like a Dolby Surround System would be like marking down graphics on a Wii title because they don’t look like PS3 graphics. It’s not possible, so why would you expect it? I don’t know any review sites that do that…… …oh.
“No voice acting in Zelda. Ever.”
OBJECTION
The evidences states that there IS voice acting in Zelda. There has been voice acting in Zelda since Zelda:OoT. As proof, let me remind you that the person who does Links yells and shouts is actually a popular VA. Also, Midna “speaks” a whole lot (although you still can’t understan what she says) in Twilight Princess.
“Does it have flaws? None that I’ve found so far.”
No flaws? Well apparently you’re much more kind than I as I’ve never played a game without flaws. I love FFXII dearly so far, but I surely believe there are a few things that could have been better or should have been done differently. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy it, but I’m always expecting more. If I met the perfect game I wouldn’t have ever stopped playing it. I’d still be playing FFIII (SNES) constantly otherwise.
I have but one rebuttal to anyone who wants voice acting in Zelda.
“Hey! LISTEN!” x1000000
Oh, and to Nicholai:
I guess that’s why I still just play Doom and Super Metroid over and over again all day…
“I also don’t want objective reviewers, and I don’t think you want objective reviewers either. You don’t really care if the game successfully executes its design goals, or if the feature set meets some strict criteria.
You care if the game is FUN. And that’s fundamentally subjective. All the reviewer can do is tell you if it’s fun, and why.”
Actually, I read as many reviews as I can stomach for any game I’m planning to buy…because of the inherent subjectivity of reviews. Personally I don’t care if some random guy liked the game, I care what the game plays like. Now it’s different if it’s somebody whose tastes I know and are at least somewhat similar to mine (I mean, jp pretty much sold me FFXII), but basically the only way for me to find out what I’ll like is to see all the opinions. Bonus points for any game that really polarizes people (Majora’s Mask, FFXII, Wind Waker…)