Assorted Wii punnery

I received an envelope from Atlus in the mail today. That’s not terribly unusual in my line of work; missives and software from publishers are an occupational hazard. But this particular envelope contained nothing save a page of Nintendo Power featuring that aerial view of PAX 2006 with my tiny balding head in the lower right-hand corner. In the words of Sam & Max, “Weird. Creepy.”

Or maybe I’m just too tired to properly process this turn of events, having dragged myself out of bed at 6:30 to go line up for a Wii preorder. I missed out on PS3 due to illness (OH WELL) but wasn’t about to let that happen twice. I am jonesing to see what’s on tap for the Virtual Console, and I guess Zelda and Trauma Center might be pretty okay too. I ended up being number 18 in line despite not arriving until a little after 8 a.m.; that is because I know the secret of San Francisco’s forgotten EB Games. SF residents, I share this information with you free of charge: the Fisherman’s Wharf location is a desolate wasteland.

The Union Square and Mission locations are inevitably overcrowded due to being smack in the middle of things — apparently the Union Square store played host to a mighty throng of fifty-plus this morning — and Stonestown is inside a snooty mall. But the Fisherman’s Wharf EB is inconveniently located at the north end of the city in an area shunned by locals due to its unrepentant tourist-i-ness, and you have to take the equally touristy (and slow) F line to get there. I’m not the only one who has caught on, unfortunately, as a couple of Sega folks and freelancers were first in line, trying to entice me to give up my spot so I could stand and gawk at the PSP version of Sega Genesis Collection. Nice try, Lao Tse! I’ll forgive their indiscretion, seeing as they were on-site there before I was even awake. Clearly, madness at work.

This console launch insanity almost makes me miss living in Backass Abilene, Texas, since my PS2 preorder process consisted of me walking into the local Babbage’s one afternoon, asking if I could put some money down, and walking out with a guaranteed reservation. Ah, what halcyon days of non-monopolism and backwater hicks. (‘Course, everything else about living there sucked.)

And despite my facetious attempt to rouse some rabble by suggesting Wii has enough hidden expenses to put it on par with Xbox 360’s pricetag, I walked away with presells for a system, two extra controllers and four games for less than $500. In Microsoft points, that translates to a 360 and a wireless adapter. Well played, Nintendo.

Anyway, I added a sidebar to yesterday’s content. And for the record, once again, nothing on this site is password-protected. If you come to a page asking for a password, that means it doesn’t exist yet. The magic of wiki technology!

23 thoughts on “Assorted Wii punnery

  1. Most of those aren’t too far off, except most barbarians these days have axes approximately as big as you. It’s an excuse to use the pitifully ignored twelve-sided die, which gets action only when barbarians roll hit points and swing a two-handed axe.

    Also, am I the only one who found it strange that the words “Sugar” and “Honey” were dropped from the cereal name, but the remaining word is still a slang term for needle drugs?

  2. The Union Square location also employs a cute Asian girl who looked at me like I’d asked for a complete copy of Remembrance of Things Past when I tried to get a copy of the re-released Super Mario Advance 2 there yesterday.

  3. Aside from the facts that a) this is my first time commenting on anything of yours ever, and b) it is utterly and completely off topic, I’m going to risk questioning you.
    Why, why, why are you not decrying Capcom’s decision to dissolve Clover? I’m going to go ahead and assume that you liked Okami because your tastes tend to gravitate towards fun, smart and innovative, so why have you not said word one about this?
    Also, I apologize for laughing at your picture in the Final Word section of November’s EGM. Really, I’m sorry.

  4. Warren Ellis just announced on his blog that he’s writing a Castlevania animated film. I don’t know if you’re aware of him or not, but he’s written amazingly good comics like Transmetropolitian and is really far too good for this project. Who knows what will happen in production, but the script, at least, will be awesome.

  5. I didn’t say anything about Clover because it wasn’t a surprise and because Inaba et al will undoubtedly land on their feet. It’s an unusually boneheaded decision even for Capcom, but if they want to shoot themselves in the foot that’s their business.
    The “Final Word” portraits are supposed to look stupid.

  6. Hopefully the fallout from Clover closing is more akin to Q? than Mistwalker. Though it does seem to be a bit of a trend nowadays with the really creative teams bucking establishment (and subsequently developing cross-platform), no?
    Warren Ellis just announced on his blog that he’s writing a Castlevania animated film.
    While we’re drawing comparisons (or I am anyway), let’s hope that film is more Hellboy Animated [ ] than Vampire Hunter D knockoff. Cool news, though. I’m a fan of Ellis’ work in general.

  7. Four games? Zelda, Trauma Center, and…Excite Truck? Metal Slug? Or are we counting Wii Sports as a game?

  8. Nice to see not every EB Games was involved in shady shenanigans. Seriously, there is no way my local EB only had the exact same reservation allotment that the PS3 had.
    Then again, it just makes me glad that I’ve actually got a reservation on the one that’ll be hard to get, and can walk into Wal-Mart or something for the other.

  9. yeah, since i’m gonna be in los angeles for gencon when the wii comes out, i’m just gonna camp a target or something for it.

  10. The manager at my local store said it had something to do with store volume, and that his store was going to have more than any other store in the region (although he wouldn’t give me a number).
    It was the first time I’ve ever waited on line and recieved a disclaimer.

  11. Man, my family and I are moving to Texas come spring. I am not instilled with hope and joy very much here on that matter.

    Wii Will Rock You, Wii Are The Champions, The Way Wii Were, Wii Three Kings, Wii Can Do It!….I’d better stop before I’m shot. Way to be affordable, Nintendo. I look forward to future shenanigans and events regarding dear little Wii.

  12. don’t let parish scare you too much – Texas is just one of those places where you either love living there, or hate it. Granted, he said he lived in Abilene, which I don’t think anyone would put on their “top 50 places to live in Texas” list….

  13. Love what you’ve posted so far from the ‘Zine.

    And was that a compliment to Star Control, or just merely stating a fact for the record?

  14. Reservin’?
    No sir, for me and crew, console-droppin’ season means spending the night at Wal-Mart playing portable games, reading tabloids, and knockin’ back egg nog (go seasonal drinks!). Plus we’re all up in the South, so we have to wait until like noon or whatever.

  15. So… Parish… It’s a little off-topic but…
    From my secret command center deep inside my colon: I can’t find any word, talk, or hearsay about an episode 2 uncut. Does this mean that it’s simply not to be, or already is?

  16. Abilene’s really not that bad. Well, yeah, it is. But at least it’s not Odessa. That place looks like a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Abilene has trees, though.


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