Important neologisms

I seem to be suffering a case of blogjam. It’s like a logjam, but with… yeah. In other words, when your e/n site becomes more n than e. Ah, e/n — what a quaint term. Why, it seems like only five years ago that it was all the rage.

In tribute to e/n and other dead, meaningless terms of recent years (like “democracy”), here is my pick for the top three neologisms of our times:

  • Smarmageddon: The coming Internet apocalypse, when the blogosphere finally collapses under the weight of its own irony.
  • Cuddlevania: A free-roaming videogame which rewards players with hugs rather than violence.
  • Hokuto No Finn: A secret fighting technique in which you punch someone so hard they land in Mark Twain’s era.

Sadly, I was forced to invent two of those on the spot. So I guess this post was a lie like all the others.

Edit: Hello Final Fantasy III Retronauts + amateurish podcast.

24 thoughts on “Important neologisms

  1. Man, if you or anyone pulls that first post crap again, you and your whole family will find themselves banned before they can say “I AM AN INTERNET CHIMP.”

  2. I always thought Samus Belmont was a catchy name for a Metroidvania hero… ine.
    As for Cuddlevania, I imagine something like Chulip, but with inappropriate touching?
    And I implore you not to be too hard on Colin and his internet simianship. After all, the poor boy apparently has a Myspace page. Isn’t that punishment enough? ;)

  3. Smarmageddon sounds like some sort of jam that’s marketed towards the hip young crowds.
    Also, yesterday I read your article on Klonoa in last month’s OPM, and subsequently the column about the death of 2D platformers. Needless to say, it was a little odd to read a column about how revolutionary Mario is in a Playstation rag. Good stuff though.

  4. What about the April O’Teal?
    The April O’Teal is when your girlfriend tries to fulfill your childhood sexual fantasy by dressing up as April O’Neal, but can’t find a yellow jumpsuit. She wears a Teal one instead.
    This counterfeit outfit bothers you much more than you let on, and the lovemaking feels empty and impersonal as a result.

  5. Normally I just delete “first post!!!” comments but I figured making monkey comments would be the equivalent of leaving his head nailed to a post above the city gates and help dissuade others from following suit.

  6. This implies that people on the internet who are rabidly stupid doesn’t intersect the people who read and post in your personal site.

    Also: S373NTH POST!!! W000!!eleven! I M S0 1337!

    PS. OMG plz don’t ban me. I thought it’d be funny. omg omg.

    PSS. I don’t particularly mind your n/E thing becoming a N/e thing, it’s probably just a phase. I would really appreciate it if you’d supply a link to your next retronauts video somewhere when it appears so I don’t hit refresh on the “retronauts” search on gamevideos.

  7. Given all the cute little animals in Okami that you can make break out in disturbing floaty hearts of loving the player-character, it’s halfway there. Ok, so it’s 3D, but still.

  8. I would play Cuddlevania games! Someone should make a mod for Symphony of the Night.
    Also, Cuddlevania is a better term than Harassleoid.

  9. Only that first one was actually real, right?
    Hey, was that last one a reference to that really offensive Square adaptation of Tom Sawyer?

  10. the loving animals of okami brought sonic the hedgehog to mind immediately. which is a good thing.

  11. Kirin: you know that if you use the Bloom brush technique on almost any given NPC, he’ll walk up and pet and love you, right?

    Frugal: Everything / Nothing

  12. Hey, what’s with the hatin’ in Retronauts? The Adventure of Link was grade A kickass! I mean, non-linear, side scrolling action games with RPG elements? Aren’t you supposed to be all into that sort of thing?

  13. Adventures of Link was great in theory, but to say that its execution was “sloppy” would be probably the kindest thing to say about it. But that’s just me.

  14. I liked it too. But that’s probably because when I played it, I was young, stupid, and (like I still am now) enamored with any kind of character growth. Oh, and also, I was a masochist. That probably helped a lot.

  15. Actually, I like the “fetus” look and 2D art better than the CG Harry Potter types. In this case, I mean.

  16. Isn’t the phrase “amateurish podcast” kind of redundant? Maybe I’m listening to the wrong ones.

  17. Retro goes into detail about FFIV being the first Real FF, yet fails to connect FFIII as the step towards FFV, the first Real FF with an amazing boss name: X-Death

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