One-eyed man in the kingdom of the blind

Guys, my eyes suck so bad. To the point that last time I got glasses the opthomologist decided to stop even trying to correct my left eye because it’s a futile endeavor. Anyway, I’ve updated my specs prior to my Tokyo trip (working under the logic that it would be nice to see this other country that I will be visiting) and decided to try correcting for the left eye again. This turned out to be quite a mistake! After having gone for so long with my left eye functioning primarily as a lump of useless meat flopping around in my skull, suddenly seeing through both eyes created a curious condition known as “double vision” as my brain was unexpectedly forced to reconcile two images — one clear and one still slightly out-of-focus — where there used to be only one. This is not the good kind of double vision, which involves Foreigner, but rather the bad kind, which involves my brain attempting to explode. Guess I’ll be switching back to the “useless meat” model of vision correction.

The moral here? Please do not ask me to look at a stereogram or I will totally hit you.

My real Mega Man ZX review (the one in which I critique the game objectively, not the gushing ridiculousness I posted and quickly retracted a few months back) is now online. As always with niche-appeal games, enjoy poking around the Internet to see reactions to this and other mainstream reviews (all of which have been as fair and positive as mine). The shrill hysterics of brain-damaged fantards continue to be… well, I wouldn’t say hilarious, or entertaining, because they’re not. They’re more sad than anything else. I guess “fascinating” is as good as word as any other. Of course, I could save you the trouble of wallowing through the mouthy morass and just summarize:

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD HIS REVIEW SCORE CALLS THIS “DYNAMITE” WHAT AN IDIOT BIAS HATE HURGHLEBLRGH NEVER READING 1UP AGAIN

Rock on, my fanatical little morons. Your frothy zealotry remains, as always, a vital lubricant in the tubes of this so-called Internet.

27 thoughts on “One-eyed man in the kingdom of the blind”

  1. My perscription is +9, though that’s probably eagle-eyed compared to what you’ve got going on there…
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    The reception for ZX reviews hasn’t been that bad. Other than GameFAQ’s boards, but I’d sooner take to heart the opinions of twenty hens dying in the summer heat.
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    Incidentally, is your “retraction” the reason you sent the game my way? XD

  3. “good kind…involves Foreigner”

    So did this experience also permanently break your brain as well?

  4. You mentioned Foreigner. Sweet.
    .
    As for the ZX… quite frankly I haven’t played it yet. I live in stupid Canada (Maybe it’s just the province and not the whole country? I don’t know) where we get everything 3-4 days late. But I enjoyed the Zero games immensely, so I was going to get it long before I read any review. Besides, what’s everyone getting so worked up about? It’s a MegaMan game. Everyone knows the MM fans will love it, and the rest of the world will be “eh”. That’s just what happens after like 100 games.

  5. Ryan: I’m in Toronto, and most of my local friends have gotten their hands on it already. Not me of course, because I was stupid enough to go through EB Games, and their copies haven’t shipped yet.

  6. Curse you, ZX. Rubbing salt in my not-owning-a-DS wound.

    Oh, and, uh… sucks that you can’t listen to stereos anymore or whatever, Parish.

  7. So if you can’t get new specs before your Tokyo trip will you wear an eyepatch? You could be like all “Yarr, I am a video pirate,” and… um… I’ll be quiet now.

  9. My favorite comment from one of the Gamefaqs threads: “like the only thing worse then that are the ff3tards complaining about 5 second load times.”
    –
    Because obviously the poster’s idea of a good time is a game that spends as much time loading itself as the gamer actually spends playing it.
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    That’s just what happens after like 100 games.”
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    Ain’t that the truth. That’s why I don’t bother trying to sell anyone on Dynasty Warriors any more.

  10. People get way worked up over these kinds of things. Of course, that may simply come with the turf with fanboys — I remember negative reviews of Serenity sending me into a murderous rage.

  11. “HOLY MOTHER OF GOD HIS REVIEW SCORE CALLS THIS “DYNAMITE” WHAT AN IDIOT BIAS HATE HURGHLEBLRGH NEVER READING 1UP AGAIN”

    Umm.. not to bite the hand that feeds, but that’s what you get when you try to reinvent the 10-scale after decades of everyone getting used to it being treated like a high school report card. I totally understand why 1UP did it, but at the same time I don’t think it’s fair to blame the readers for equating a 7.5 to a C+.

  12. Man, get LASIK. I had it done on my horrible eyes almost two years ago, and I found it to be very much worth the price. No more glasses, contacts, headaches, etc. I’m pretty sure the price (assuming insurance doesn’t cover it) has dropped substantially, too. It’s like HD in real life, as stupid as that sounds.

  13. Yeah, I’ve considered Lasik, but it’s pricey and I’ve heard horror stories about post-op problems.

    1UP did not attempt to reinvent the 10-point scale. We use the exact same scale that EGM has used since 1989.

  14. After all, what good is a ten point scale if you’re only going to use three of the points? I’ve played games that got scores in the sevens from several sites that were unplayably awful.

  15. Nadia: Well I’m in Manitoba, and we’ve never gotten a game here much earlier than 2 days after the release. Game systems, DVDs and CDs are always out on the day, but never games. Though Mario Hoops was conspiciously available on the 11th, which I assume was due to some kind of tear in the space-time continuum.

  16. Yeah, people get in such a lather over a game score– I’ve ben lobbying for abandoning the number-based scores at 411 for ages, but it’s not gonna hapen anytime soon.

  17. Maybe if the number explanation was in plain view on the sidebar instead of hidden under the “What’s this?” link then less of the trolls would be complaining. Or maybe they’d complain about the rewiew system rather than the review itself.

  21. I don’t want to hear you complain about your eyes mister! I was merely 20 when I was informed that my right eye is totally useless. And earlier this year they mapped my cornea and then showed me the topography. My eye is incredibly deformed. The computer couldn’t even figure out where my pupil is. It drew in this weird dotted line postulating where it thought it might/should be.

  22. Suddenly, I don’t feel quite so bad about my misaligned set of near-sighted eyes (which includes one lazy eye). I guess 20/800 and 20/400 (un-corrected) isn’t so bad.

  27. hobby store googly eye is much more novel and less conformist. Psh. Cyborg laser eye… Everyone and their dog has one of those.

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