Ah, conspiracy theorists. I am told I have an agenda, which has been revealed to the world on a vile Internet forum. I’m not really clear on what that agenda is since I haven’t read the thread, although I have heard mention of dread Moneyhats. It appears that I am in collusion with my dark masters at Ziff-Davis to express a powerful bias about Ultimate Ghosts ‘N’ Goblins across multiple publications. Obviously, we’re pandering to Capcom, trading favors for the huge UG’n’G ad campaign currently spread across the site. There is, after all, nothing that publishers love more than a negative review of their products! They’re crazy for poor scores. Sadly, it’s true: we’re sell-outs at 1UP — always willing to slam an advertiser’s product across all our magazines and websites.

Or it could be that, you know, OPM was short on available reviewers this month and asked me to fill in on a game that fell right into the intersection of my major interests, i.e. retro games and portable games. One reviewer on multiple pubs isn’t something we generally do, but it does happen from time to time when there’s no easy way to work around it. Curiously, though, it only seems to create a stink when fanboy favorites come under fire. For instance, one person reviewed Disgaea 2 (favorably) in all of our publications this month as well, but I haven’t heard any squawking about that. Funny that.

Here is a heart-warming anecdote for you to enjoy this fine Wednesday: my retro column for this month’s OPM extolled the virtues of 2.5D gaming and included a sentence talking about how Ultimate Ghosts ‘n’ Goblins is such a great example of the type. It was written a week before the reviewable came along and I discovered that the game was not in fact as enjoyable as I had expected, though fortunately the copy desk noticed the resulting before/after discrepancy and saved the day. This is precisely why it is really not a good idea to make assumptive leaps about games until you actually play them.

In summary: the Internet is still a collection of hysterical geeks who often allow their own self-esteem to become wrapped up in the products that serve as their ersatz social lives. Like it’s always been. Meanwhile, it took us all of two minutes this morning to decide that yes, we should continue trying to avoid one-reviewer-multiple-publications situations whenever possible. Like we’ve always done. Profoundly earth-shaking events.

Meanwhile, in news that actually matters, Rhythm Heaven is completely awesome. And by “completely awesome” I mean completely awesome. It does, however, have some really awful box art.

27 thoughts on “GET OUT OF MY TEETH

  1. It warms my heart a little to see that GBA still has support (in Japan at least). Will it follow the path laid by the SNES, with games still being released a decade after it’s debut? Or maybe all the great GBA games will be ported to the next generation handheld (I like to think it will be called Game Boy Pequeno)…

  2. Ah, Rhythm Heaven. I left the JET Programme on the day it came out and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to play it for months, but at Narita Airport, I found it behind the counter at a toy store.

    I’ve got a respectable collection of DS games and five of the seven Bit Generations games (three still waiting to be played). I managed to play nothing but Rhythm Heaven while not asleep on the flight to Atlanta.

    Mr. Parish, “completely awesome” is sad understatement. It is, however, import unfriendly (with some stages having audio instruction in Japanese) and incredibly unforgiving to those without rhythm. I made my nephew cry by letting him at Ace Batter.

  3. Michael–the GBA has plenty of support here! Super Robot Taisen (1+2), Summon Night (1+2), Yggdra Union? Shameless plugging!

    Parish–yeah…as I said on AIM, I think I may never look at GAF again. Ever.

  4. Hey don’t worry about it. The GAF thread is being used to start topics on other forums, so your review will be “reviewed” repeatedly in different places. It all balances out! Yay internet!

  5. I wouldn’t say it’s import unfriendly… there are already plenty of posts on message boards as well as a FAQ on GameFAQs that can get you through those few iffy sections.

  6. I don’t mean to play devil’s advocate, but there were people who already have played Ultimate G’n’G and thoroughly enjoyed it. So maybe, y’know, their disagreements aren’t unfounded? Just sayin’.

    I hope Nintendo doesn’t pass over Rhythm Tengoku for localization. That sounds quite yummy. Love your embedded stolen image disclamer btw.

  7. “This is precisely why it is really not a good idea to make assumptive leaps about games until you actually play them.”
    Seriously, maybe you should have brought *that* up at your little staff meeting.

    Of course some people have played UG’n’G — I didn’t comment about the game until the import shipped — and they’re welcome to their opinions. I think they’re horribly wrong, but if it makes them happy then whatever. My point was that I made assumptions about the game which almost bit me in the ass.

  9. “In summary: the Internet is still a collection of hysterical geeks who often allow their own self-esteem to become wrapped up in the products that serve as their ersatz social lives. Like it’s always been.”

    Reading this comment, I’m left wondering what it was like before the intraweb. Granted I am nearly twenty-one years old, but by the time I hit my teenage years the internet was already on the upswing. Heaven knows I spewed my teenage angst out on enough games in my day. Thank goodness I grew out of that.

    What did the geeks do before then? Did they rail on in their pre-designated cabals at school? Did they even attach and base their personal integrity and emotional balance to games back then?

  10. Before the Internet? Mostly geeks got beaten up a lot and played D&D in small groups on weekends. The Internet allows these small groups to cluster together, which is where the problem comes in. People who have been picked on their whole lives have turn into the same bullying assholes they hate when they get online. People are hateful, so it’s natural. But it’s something that should be outgrown eventually — anyone who’s over the age of 25 and posts constantly on a forum like GAF has deeper issues to deal with.

  11. You have to admit, at some level that GAF thread makes you really happy, doesn’t it? I mean, if those guys hate you, you’re obviously doing something right.
    More importantly, is Rhythm Heaven confirmed or U.S. release? (Don’t worry Tomm, i’m still buying Contact)

  12. Yeah Tomm, I’ve been obsessed with GBA since I heard about the Super Robot Wars games (taking a break from OG1 at the moment, I’m only allowed so much awesome per hour) were coming to America. Stuff like Rythym Heaven and the bitGenerations I’ve only heard about here. It’s only natural for Nintendo to be preferential to the Japanese market, and while I’m grateful for the gems that do make their way over I still feel like I’m getting hand-me-downs.

    A man can dream can’t he? A man can dream…

  13. Image totally watermarked because I’m awesome for scanning other peoples’ artwork!
    Also lucky you for getting Rhythm Tengoku. I’m stuck with MAWASUNDA!! here, which isn’t nearly as awesome as MAWASUNDA!!‘s trailer makes it sound. Good thing MAWASUNDA!! only takes about 20 minutes to finish!

  14. waitwaitwaitwaitwait
    Did someone say
    Because I have heard that MAWASUNDA!! is a shitty game and by heard I mean I played MAWASUNDA!! (actually, was FORCED to play MAWASUNDA!! by a certain game journalist who needed some more feedback on MAWASUNDA!!) and came to that conclusion about MAWASUNDA!! on my own.
    (a conclusion about MAWASUNDA!!)
    (also P.S. fuck the internet and its whole HURR EVERYONE IS BIASED retard shit. The only person biased here is me and I am just biased against MAWASUNDA!!)

  15. Has the ranting at GAF gotten more entertaining? Last I checked it was only one guy stirring up trouble. I might have to check this out.

    And do the GAF forums have anything to do with the site Games Are Fun? Because I like Games Are Fun and finding out they’re with GAF would make me sad.

  16. the ranting about parish was pretty funny – especially if you are a regular reader of his blog.
    but don’t worry – it was originally related to, but now it’s a separate entity, as far as I can tell.

  17. We’re still cool if we’re exactly 25 and post continually in your comments though, right? I mean, cause my friend, he wants to know.

  18. I’m reading the forum thread in question now… good heavens…

    It’s even more fun since I’d never even been to (and rarely ever heard of) the GAF forums until today. If I were to use this one topic as a barometer, there’s more stupid petty angst floating around that place then Gamefaqs. Gamefaqs, man!

    Congratulation, internet.

  19. Pfft, there’s no harm in frequenting a favorite website. It’s the people who write hundreds of posts each week, every week, for years on end who need therapeutic intervention.

  20. Less hating Parish, more loving Rhythm Tengoku.
    Summon Night is really good stuff. I love the dialogue. It’s enough to make breaks at work last an extra five minutes a piece. If Tomm with two m’s has anything to do with that, he is in my top 10 list of heroes. Seriously, like number 3 at the very least.
    Anyone who has anything to do with anything good on gba these days is my hero. If YesAsia wasn’t so dad gum slow with restocking or whatever they do, i’d be playing Rhythm Tengoku right. now.
    Robot Wars is tomorrow. Hooray Atlus and hooray Tomm! And hooray Jeremy Parish too, since this is his space. He’s my hero too, but it’s a secret to everyone.

  21. Oh I’m by no means haranguing anyone for having favorite online hangouts. Would I be posting here otherwise?

    (That’s a rhetorical question, by the by.)

  22. Yes, Summon Night is out, Parish.

    Finch–I did not write the text in Summon Night. It was a collective of people, primarily Zach Meston, of Lunar fame–OH HO! Cognitive dissonance for you!

  23. Summon night(it’s out!) is a great game, almost better than I expected.
    It was VERY hard to find though, I had to order it online.

  24. Is it me or the drums lessons from Rhythm Tengoku are harder than Ninja Gaiden?
    It’s a great game, maybe a GBA top 5, it’s a joy to play, but sometimes it makes me feel like the less rhythmic person in the world…
    Did you see the official website of the game? There were some promotional clips of people playing the game as freaks-well, the sad thing is I’ve been moving head, feet and hips unwillingly like one of them while playing this damn game…and in public!! The fun it delivers is worth your dignity.

  25. I haven’t even posted on GameFAQs message boards in nearly 4 years. I haven’t really even posted on any message boards for nearly 3 when I began to realize exactly what Parish always talks about when he says he hates the Internet. Let’s see, I was 19 then.I missed the cutoff point by about 6 years. I guess I need not any therapy.

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