There is no feeling better than when you’re interviewing a few Japanese developers and ask a question that causes them to pause and say “Oh!” and begin hastily conversing among themselves at length. Because then you know you’ve cracked through the language barrier and their general indifference to the press to provoke their interest. And there is no feeling worse than when you’re interviewing a few Japanese developers and ask a question that causes them to pause and say “Oh!” and begin hastily conversing among themselves at length, and the translator comes up with a terse, three-word reply. Because then you’ll never know what they said.
I was heartbroken to see my site turned into a discussion forum for Smash Bros. of all things. Really, you guys should know better. When people rib me for being “too much of a Nintendo fan,” I can always invalidate their criticism simply by mentioning my all-consuming antipathy (also: venemous hatred, sneering contempt) for that particular “game.”  It is an orgiastic expression of fanservice, and apparently the litmus test by which Nintendo’s Treehouse sorts out worthy employees.
As for why Solid Snake of all characters is the series’ first third-party cameo, I have a theory about this. See, Smash Bros. Brawl won’t be Snake’s first fighting game appearance; he was in Hudson’s DreamMix TV, a sort of poor man’s Smash Bros. clone by Hudson. Thanks to Hudson’s various connections (owned by Konami, and Takara something something) this was a fighting game in which Snake could actually go mano a mano versus Optimus Prime.
Let that sink in for a minute there.
How do you make a bad game out of Snake punching Optimus Prime? I don’t really understand the science behind it, but Hudson succeeded with flying colors. DreamMix is garbage even by the low button-mashing-spazzery standards set by Smash Bros. So my theory is that Kojima figured if his big breadwinner is doomed to be in crappy fighting games, he might as well be in one that people will actually play.
At least the end of that MGS4 trailer makes sense now.
Yeah. All told, I don’t think it’s been a very good E3 for Snake.
 Then again, I think my dreams last night revolved around Super Paper Mario imagery, so what do I know.
43 thoughts on “Ah, E3 interviews”
Aww, you just hate Smash Bros because you have no friends.
I am a *fan* of Kid Icarus, and I appreciate the *service* of being able to play as Pit.
Also; how can anyone be disinclined towards a game where you can beat up Pokemon?
Is your heart made of stone?
Sorry ’bout that. I have a -5 resistance to message board questions I happen to know the answer to. It’s a character flaw. If it’s any consolation, I’ve never really *played* Smash Bros.
So, to change the subject, yeah, Super Paper Mario looks insane and awesome. Almost makes me wish I actually had a GameCube…
I was tempted, for a moment, to say something borderline rude about you not Liking Smash Bros. Then I remembered that the news that brought me the most joy this E3 season was the fact that the sequel to a grossly inaccurate criminal defense simulator was getting a stateside DS release, and it occured to me that I really had no right to talk about personal tastes in video games.
Well, I guess I should ask the question most nintendo fanboys want to know:
Mother 3: US bound? The GBA seems to be forgotten, aside from Bionic Commando (and friends). But hey, apparently, it’s Europe-bound, so I guess we can just import anyways.
Is there something in the archive somewhere that elaborates on your Smash Brothers hate jp? Like why Mario Kart is ok, but this is just fan service? Is there some specific line they’ve crossed?
Yeah, the difference is that Mario Kart is a good game. Well, MKDS anyway… the others are pretty iffy.
“It is an orgiastic expression of fanservice, and apparently the litmus test by which Nintendo’s Treehouse sorts out worthy employees.”
I read that line first and if not for the Treehouse mention, I’d have thought you were talking about Kingdom Hearts. I will never understand the appeal of that game.
Also, more people on here are peeved about you hating on Smash Bros. than FF7, from what I’ve seen. I’m not really sure what to make of that.
That’s because Final Fantasy VII created a generation of blithering retards who masturbate endlessly to all things Final Fantasy.
Smash Bros. already had blithering retards.
Let me rephrase that: Smash Bros. was created FOR pre-existing blithering retards.
I was just more curious about Snake in particular, rather than a discussion on the actual Smash Bros game. As in, why would they think that Snake would work fighting against Pikachu?
Man, who doesn’t want to beat up Pikachu?
Well…you’ve got me there.
I actually thought the “recon” box was funny. Hey, I liked the first Smash Brothers for its whimiscal, nonsensical insanity. And yes, Parish, Pikachu is certainly beatable, but I wasn’t aware of your contempt for the series. When did that happen? I thought you liked Melee.
“We both concur that Smash Brothers is one of the most horrible, random, chaotic and stupid games we’ve ever experienced. I have a vision of my precious, precious yen fluttering off into the sunset, taunting me as they vanish.” – Ignorant White Guy Chronicles
I happen to like the Smash series, but it’s disagreements like this that convince me that Jeremy is not, in fact, an alternate personality of mine. (This was long before the 1UP Show proved that he has a humanlike visage.)
That last Snake caption made my day Parish, thanks much.
I think you would be able to bring up Ocarina of Time as another example of a Nintendo fan favorite you detest. Heck, it would be an even better example, given how many people regard it as the best game ever.
Your loathing for Smash Bros. doesn’t suprise me. It just seems like chaotic fighting games aren’t your cup of tea. After all, you didn’t like Marvel vs. Capcom either, if memory serves…
To JuanFrugal: Actually he’s made his feelings for the series quite clear in the past. I seem to recall something Parish wrote a some years back about a trip to Japan. He tried Smash Bros Melee during said trip and delcared it unmitigated garbage ever since. Again, this is if memory serves…
After reading that, the only thing on my mind is Optimus Prime better be in Wii Smash Bros. BTW lead does taste better than most MREs. *the more you know*
Aw, I don’t hate Ocarina. I just got bored with it after about 8 hours.
Who didn’t get bored with Ocarina after a few hours?
“Aw, I don’t hate Ocarina. I just got bored with it after about 8 hours.”
Oops. My bad. Though that would possibly mean you aren’t half as crazy about it as most of the gaming collective at large is.
“Who didn’t get bored with Ocarina after a few hours?”
Apparently a lot of people didn’t.
Ocarnia was good. It was certainly better then that stinking Majora’s Mask.
All in all, if I play Zelda, I prefer it old school.
The standard style for us Smash-heads (the one’s who’ve been playing it regularly for 5 years) is 1-on-1, no items, Final D, stock battle (5-man stock is typical ’round my parts); so basically, it’s stripped down to a fighting game.
I figure Kojima’s a Smash-head, wanted in on the next game, so suggested Twin Snakes for Cube to Miyamoto. That was his cardboard box.
I totally comprehend why you dislike Smash Bros…but I still love it, Melee in particular. The game is full of special memories of playing it with my wife, niece, and nephew, getting excited with them as we unlocked new characters and so forth. In temrs of pure criticism, my logic agrees with you. But in terms of the series having sentimental value, I’ve got to side with being on the pro-Smash Bros. side of the line. Then again, I wasn’t quite sure what to make of that Wario fart joke (let alone his creepy belly button) in the Brawl trailer…
I thought the reason Snake was in SSBB was because Kojima begged? ;P
Besides which, it just seems like such a bitchslap to Sony for Nintendo to have the star of PS3’s biggest, most-hyped title as a playable character in his more familiar form in one of their biggest, most-hyped titles.
While I’m not big for the idea of Cloud or Sephiroth joining the party, I do sort of like how that’d be a further bitchslapping.
I want to hear more about your “Oh!” interviews and moments, btw.
Also, I don’t think SSB is as bad as you make it sound… I kind of like the strategy involved in outthinking someone using a cheap maneuver constantly… it seems to work better than say, trying to get past Sagat’s Million Tiger March in the old Street Fighter IIs.
Huh, I do recall the trip to Japan, but I remembered he liked that game. Weird.
I’m just a big dumb nerd for Kirby and anything related to Kirby (Air Ride notwithstanding), and seeing a sly reference to Kirby Superstar in the SSB trailer was just like Nintendo giving me a big long hug
Then again I don’t play as anyone besides Kirby in SSB anyway so I’m just excited to be able to finally have another character to lose as
I actually have a record of one of Toasty’s ‘OH!’ interviews thanks to inside sources. Here’s what I got:
Jparish: *provocative question*
Japanese man A: OH! (This is a very provocative question! How did he know to ask?)
Japanese man B: (His question confirms that he is the half man half toast half frog creature)
Japanese man A: (But was he not bannished to the land of fat people and gay cowboys?)
Japanese man B: (He managed to escape and now resides in the land of drugs and bitchy gay liberals)
Japanese man A: (Very clever! He must never know of our plan to resurrect Oda Nobunaga!)
Japanese man C: (HAY GUYS! POCKY!)
Japanese man B: (DO NOT INSULT US WITH LOW CLASS CONSUMABLES! POCKY IS FOR THE POOR!)
Japanese man A: (Yes. To assume I am an anime obsessed otaku fan who eats pocky is very insulting. I prefer Crunky)
Japanese man B: (Quickly! We must provide immediate responce to gaijin frog man of toast or else he’ll become suspicious!)
Japanese man A: (Yes. Translator, provide a suitable improvisation or else we’ll remove and mail your pancreas to your loved ones to imbibe a sense of failure into your family that will haunt them forever)
Translator: Um… Reply hazy, Mr. Parish. Ask again at the next E3.
Japanese man A: (big thumbs up and smile) Ok, USA!
“Besides which, it just seems like such a bitchslap to Sony for Nintendo to have the star of PS3’s biggest, most-hyped title as a playable character in his more familiar form in one of their biggest, most-hyped titles.”
Hit it right on the head, LBD. That was my gut reaction as well. In your and your $600 hardware’s face, Sony.
“While I’m not big for the idea of Cloud or Sephiroth joining the party, I do sort of like how that’d be a further bitchslapping.”
I wouldn’t mind being able to beat the angst out of them, personally. In a 2-on-1 match. With Jigglypuff.
I wouldn’t mind being able to beat the angst out of them, personally. In a 2-on-1 match. With Jigglypuff.
Somehow the thought of Jigglypuff fighting Cloud or Sephiroth, as well as the thought of Kirby inhaling Cloud or Sephiroth, makes me giggle like a madman.
And while Melee may seem like a chaotic mess, I think you just need a bit more practice with it. Try playing against the CPU for a half hour at level 9 to see what I mean.
At least SSBM isn’t Ehrgeiz.
i need to know more about this “the onus will be ours” deal.
it seems like a far too easy ordeal to photoshop for fanboy posterity.
Insert Snake/Wii joke here.
Actually, while I love the FF7 bitchslapping notion, I’d much rather that if they used any FF characters, they used Black Mage, Fighter, etc.
In beautifully rendered SSB style, naturally.
Smash Brothers is just fun, I thought. I don’t mind fanservice when each of the characters retain their personalities and styles.
Also, smash-killing someone with the Jigglypuff spin from across the map is love.
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I trully hope this is the end of a series that could have perfectly ended with the second chapter.
All tomorrow’s – interestingly enough (if you watch the MGS Saga) it looks like MGS4’s storyline is the one Kojima originally intended for the sequel before he got all Raiden about it.
Everyone talking about Smash – In my personal opinion, boiling Smash down to “professional” 1-on-1 matches with no items, etc etc is basically saying “I wish I was playing a different game.” I have a number of those players at work and they cannot beat you in a match with items or on moving stages because they haven’t been “training that way.” BS. If you walk around saying you’ve “mastered” a game, then you could beat all challengers, items or no items, on any stage in the game. Please don’t fool yourself into thinking that turning all a game’s unique features “off” somehow makes you better at it than someone who could throw you into a mine strategically. (Also: Icarus ftw)
“I thought the reason Snake was in SSBB was because Kojima begged?”
I thought so, too. But apparently, Jeremy doesn’t like the idea of Kojima whoring his franchises. After all, Boktai got a silly crossover with Megaman, who would have though Snake can beat up Mario? Either that, or he’s just well uninformed.
On the sidenote, I wonder how people will react if Raiden is the other new playable character? MGS fan(boys) just couldn’t resist seeing him getting beaten into a pulp, electricuted, cooked alive, etc.
I hope Raiden really IS the playable character instead of Snake.
By second chapter I meant Metal Gear 2 Snake’s Revenge (and also Solid Snake), both games give a more John Rambo, badass, Snake Plissken feel to Solid Snake, instead of the Cloudish/Sephirot/genetically designed heroes and villains bullshit from the Metal Gear Solid series.
I hope MGS4 tells everything related to him and Liquid being genetically enginered brothers was a lie to cofuse Solid Snake and I hope he comes back to be just as a regular badass hero.
I must confess, I think I liked Metal Gear best when the most sci-fi thing about it was a walking tank that could launch nukes from anywhere.
When that became the least shocking thing about the whole… well… I still like it, but…
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