Well, I just watched New Super Mario Bros.’ credit crawl, so I guess I’m “finished” with the game. But of course I’m not, really. Unlocking everything will probably require a month of effort and a streak of determined masochism. And I’ll be just as happy to wait until I get my hands on a copy that can be played on a Lite, because the old-style DS screen is giving me eyestrain. Yes, I’m spoiled, but I’m also practically half-blind, so ease off.

Now for more important matters: I want for everyone in the world who read the comment about how NSMB could well be referred to as Super Mario Bros. 4 in yesterday’s update and felt compelled to tell me that NO DUDE SMB4 WAS SUPER MARIO WORLD to stop, take a deep breath, and walk over to the mirror. Now, stare intently into the reflection of your own eyes and chant “I will not be so literal-minded” for a short while. Finally, whack yourself over the head with a squeaky mallet or other harmless blunt object.

Once you’re finished with the mild self-flagellation, spend some time in quiet contemplation of what the comment could have meant. Think hard, and if you get it right, you graduate from the Internet.