Webcomix, Part -3

Attention citizens: Remain calm. Do not panic. This is a test — repeat, this is only a test. Were this an actual professional webcomic, you would be given the opportunity to purchase the last panel’s art as a T-shirt.

This not-a-real-webcomic was inspired by my reposting a tremendous amount of my old site content over the weekend. Thank god I’ve learned to self-edit.

(Actually it was mainly an exercise to see if I could draw a character consistently from panel to panel, but since that was pretty much a failure I’ll pretend it’s that other thing.)

26 thoughts on “Webcomix, Part -3

  1. You still have a long way to go before you can match the pretentiousness of Tim Rogers, Grasshopper.

  2. I wonder how exactly could Søren Kierkegaard’s philosophy fit into a pong review. Maybe a mention of Hegel or even Marx as part of a reflection of the late 70’s early 80’s zeitgeist or something, but Kierkegaard… that Toasty must be one huge super master of New Games Journalism.

  3. I’m guessing this comic is at least partially based on your recent search for new 1up journalists.

    Either that or it’s a reference to whoever writes reviews for The Home of the Underdogs.

  4. Actually, the comic was inspired by the question, “What if NGJ had been around in 1975?”

    And here are the text fragments I pasted into the background:

    Panel 1: The sky is a perrfect shade of blue in my memories — a true blue, pure cerulean, not the faded pastel blue of a West Texas summer. Rather, the intense, almost articial bluee of Super Mario Bros. All that’s missing are fluffy little clouds adorned with smiley faces — but since psychotropic drugs are at a premium in these parts, I have to settle for a simple, unblemished blue. The blue of youth, the day I discovered Pong in a decrepit

    Panel 3: eternally grappling, like Jacob and Esau forever trapped in their mother’s womb. What drives these foes, these perpetual opponents, these timeless adversaries reppresented in the cold binary of black and white? What motive guides the minds of these paddles, shapes their actions? It is this question that shapes the Pong experience, for without a proper understanding how can a player be expected to assume the roles of these white rectangles? To truly understand their conflict, one must delve into the mind of their creator, Nolan Bushnell.

    Panel 5: she’s Korean, a beautiful girl by any standard. On any other day I’d get her number, take her out for drinks in Shinjuku and eventually invite myself over to her place to spend the night. But not this day. No, I have a much more important mission — experiencing Pong obviates any need or desire I might have to indulge in something so base as mere sex. With only the slightest hint of regret, I pay for my mint soju cocktail and quickly toss it back, downing the liquot in a single gulp. It’s a bracer for what I’m about to experience. Something so awesome

    Panel 8: so it is here, at the end of all things, that we truly come to understand the meaning behind Pong: from the Jungian archetypes, Joseph Campbell’s Man of a Thousand Faces, to the crisp precision of black and white. The timeless truth of Pong is burned indelibly into our minds, our hearts, our very souls. Player One, Player Two — those who are about to die salute you. I salute you.

  5. What? Is that all there is to it? I should have gotten in on this New Games Journalism gig years ago.




  7. Yes, but what if we wanted to purchase that last panel as a shirt?

    Pong is more important that meeting a girl? I think so … hahah.

  8. holy hell parish, you’re on a roll. Whatever has sparked your creativity, i’ll buy you a crateful.

  9. You need to join AndoreJR as a celebrity columnist. This would be a nice break in between the deviant Shadow of the Colossus fanfiction and Bokusuka awareness updates.

  10. forgot to mention above– while Kierkegaard might not fit here, baudrillard and lecan certainly could. There’s a definate argument to be made about the nature of pong vs lacan’s mirror.

  11. Seriously…..you may be on to something with these “New Games Journalist” shirts. Completely eschew any possiblities of female interaction by wearing a shirt like that in public? Eh, why not?

  12. Then she, too, will never know a woman’s love.

    But please do not ask me to compromise my ideals! I am adamantly opposed to wallowing in such webcomic clichés as giving characters pithy comments (or posters or bumper stickers or shirts) expressly for the purpose of selling Cafepress merchandise.

  13. Dude, that’s why God invented Hypocrisy! You can have stated and noble ideals, and you can even insult other people who don’t share them, but you don’t have to follow them yourself! It’s great!

  14. You have got that Andore Jr. vibe with this one (a good thing!), but maybe anything with video games plus pretentiousness or postmodernism would do that. Actually, I don’t think you could do a comic on New Games Journalism and not have it come out that way.

    anonymous HERO – The Supreme Court won’t let us force you to pray to Tim Rogers, but when you mention his name you had better damn well observe a moment of reverent silence.

    Oh pepe, when you want to connect something to Marx and Hegel, come out and say “dialectical materialism,” like a real man.

  15. I’m female. I’d wear one. I don’t really care for the woman love, so it would work out. It’s ok if you don’t make one. Stay true to your ideals. That’s really the key to getting a woman’s love! (I think.)

    Cafepress stuff is not very good quality :(

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